Men and masturbation

[Stella45]

Hi I’m trying to settle an argument with my partner and hope you can help. He feels most partners would be ok with the following where i disagree.
if you offered your partner sex and you’d both been looking forward to it all day but that night he says he has a bad head and would prefer to masturbate instead by himself next to you in bed instead of engaging in any sexual activity with you. I empathise with illness but then to prefer masturbation by himself instead. I felt a bit upset at this. It may just be me but I felt rejected for a hand. Just an FYI I don’t have a problem with him doing that at all usually. am I massively wrong here??

I’m all for a quick wank, but next to you, in bed? I’d laugh.

I will give only my own opinion, if this didn’t happen very often it wouldn’t bother me, I would just be involved.

Next to you?! Not a chance!!

How totally out of order!

I take it you're a man... just in case I'm wrong a word of warning that a female "solo orgasm" can actually bring on rather nasty headaches so I wouldn't recommend* *it for pain relief.

Well if I was looking forward to sex all day and Dh said he wasn't feeling up to sex but wanted to masturbate I would in all honesty offer to do it for him, either hand or mouth. There are times when I am on my period and absolutely do not feel like sex but want the release of an orgasm and the pain relief it brings me. But then I get off on watching Dh get off so would happily watch him wank, it is how I learned what he liked very early on in our almost 30 year relationship.

He is very happy to offer me and participate in my solo orgasms if we are mismatched at any time and I would be upset if I had to do it somewhere else because he doesn't want to see that, or that he would be disgusted with that or laugh at that as has been suggested up thread. The truth is he does want to see that, we are very comfortable with that side of our sex life.

Of course I'm not a man, and it's never given me a headache. The endorphins work the same way in women.

lol at ‘wanking plans!😂😂😂😂

i never fail to be surprised at how different we all are. My exh and I did this sometimes (sex wasn’t the reason we split) and it seems perfectly fine to me😁😁

Yes.

I don't think what he did was wrong per se, as long as it's not a routine happening. I'd suggest not sitting next to you whilst doing it though, that's a bit grim.

Did he mean mutual or literally next to you while you read in your hair net, bed jacket and horn rimmed glasses? Mutual fine, or I’m too tired and then he discreetly goes to the bathroom, fine. But not just next to you!

I’ve got this image in my head of the sitcom ‘Terry and June’, in bed, her doing a crossword and him making the bed jiggle, then a “are we quite finished with all that nastiness Terry?” 😂😂😂😂

Me and DP will do this sometimes. She gets migraines, and migraine tablets fix them but leave her with a "fizzy" feeling behind her eyes that stops her sleeping.

An orgasm seems to help with this, but it needs to be a "low effort" one, which means masturbation. (I get what she means with this, it takes more effort mentally to orgasm from a hand job, than masturbation, even though I'm doing less work with a hand job)

Sometimes DP wants to be alone, but others she wants me there, with my arm round her, or stroking her back or other areas.

Is it as much fun for me as sex? Of course not, but sex isn't happening that night anyway, and it's nice to feel close to her. Sometimes I'll masturbate alongside her, but not always.

Maybe that's what your husband was looking for @Stella45 , and just communicated it badly.

If it's selfish to say no to her and her needs, if he meant to have sex he doesn't want to appease her?

How about turning the other way on the bed & you both watching each other do it instead ..you don't know until you try it ;)

Why is it gross?? Surely mutual masturbation & doing ✋ to each other is ok? & if you pay there entertaining your 🐱 he'd be turned on too ..sex is messy ,not sterile like the movies

That wasn't lost on me either ,I get blinding migraines & it's the last thing I could cope with when my brain is about to explode

Are you back on the Silk Road Dress Pirate Robots ? ..if so I'll put in an order lol..There's a few ' odd ' repressed or is it depressed attitudes to having a hand shandy on here 😆

My ex partner was more than happy for me to masturbate next to her in bed when she wasn't in the mood, although i don't think i would have done it if she hadn't of suggested it. She would normally turn over mid-way through and help me out but usually when neither of us wanted PIV it would be mutual masturbation so we were both involved but less energy was involved.

It's normal not to want sex all the time, and everyone has a right to say no.