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Original poster

Would this be a deal breaker for you?

109 replies

User5612347 · 29/09/2024 17:41

I'm in my 50s and recently started seeing a man my age, he's divorced with adult children. He lives rurally and has a one year old labrador. We see each other regularly and get on very well, but it's not serious yet.
He's asked me to go away for a weekend with him and I agreed. I asked him last night about what arrangements he's made for his dog while we are away. The dog can't go to kennels because it's not had it's vaccinations. He's leaving the dog on a long chain with access to a shed and outside and his adult sons will pop in when they can and walk the dog.
I've never had a dog myself but this doesn't sound right at all. I feel like I'll be worrying about the dog all weekend.

OP posts:
Snowdrops17 · 30/09/2024 08:49

User5612347 · 30/09/2024 08:31

We haven't had a deep discussion on previous relationships but he prides himself on being laid back and has mentioned a few times that his ex wife was very uptight.
He's not tight at all and seems very comfortable financially. Now I'm wondering if the uptight ex was in charge of boring things like dog vaccinations.

Uptight ex sounds like he was the problem and she was wound up and "uptight" because of him . Funny how men always blame the women isn't it

Fuckingpissedoff1234 · 30/09/2024 08:52

Why can't he get the dog vaccinated? I have a dog and he has vaccines plus boosters every year. No it's not cheap, but it's part and parcel of having a dog.

If he's not prepared to do this, why doesn't he arrange a weekend away where the dog can come too, or for his adult sons to take care of the dog properly whilst he's away.

He sounds like a selfish arse and if he treats his dog like that I agree with others, it doesn't bode well for the future.

Samesame47 · 30/09/2024 08:53

User5612347 · 29/09/2024 17:45

Posted too soon.
He laughed at my concern and said that people who live in the countryside do this all the time. I feel differently about both him and weekend away now but I don't know if I'm overreacting.

I live in the countryside and don’t know anyone who would treat their dog so badly. Lots of working dogs around here and those that don’t live indoors have heated shared kennels (and are also out working for hours everyday), it’s very different to being chained to a long line all weekend with only brief walks. No way I could date someone so cruel.

Sodthebloodymealplan · 30/09/2024 08:55

Has the dog been brought up used to being outside and kennelled (which is what a shed is, at the end of the day)? Labradors as a breed have thick coats and cope well with an outdoor lifestyle. It isn't how I would personally choose to keep a dog, but I do know people who do. They are very much loved and well cared for but they are not treated as house pets in the way most of us might. The people I am thinking of are quite the opposite of rough and uneducated.

It is not an indicator of the entire character of a person, rather a difference in opinion on the status of an animal. If it is (as OP has already decided) a deal-breaker for her, that is fine. But there is nothing inherently wrong or cruel in keeping a dog in the manner described. It certainly isn't one for the RSPCA.

Nor is failure to vaccinate. That is just stupidity, which would be far more problematic for me.

BettyBardMacDonald · 30/09/2024 09:05

StarlightExpressed · 29/09/2024 18:13

God no. I'd be reporting him to the rspca if he did this. The chain is a potential strangling hazard. Tells you a lot about this man's lack of empathy.

This x1000.

He's horrible. There are myriad humane options for pet care. I shudder to think what that animal's life is like.

BettyBardMacDonald · 30/09/2024 09:08

Are you going to tell him why, OP?

Original poster
User5612347 · 30/09/2024 09:23

When I have visited the dog is in and out of the house. It sleeps in a covered porch in a nice dog bed. Owner is mostly WFH and the dog gets two long walks a day.
That is why I was shocked about the arrangements and the lack of vaccinations. The dog isn't used to being alone for long periods or sleeping in a shed.

OP posts:
SnowFrogJelly · 30/09/2024 09:28

Not acceptable.. dog should have had vaccinations by now anyway

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 30/09/2024 09:39

I hate dogs, but this treatment of a supposed beloved pet is awful and actually upset me.

And his son's popping in 'when they can' is pretty crappy, too.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 30/09/2024 09:40

FFSWherearemyglasses · 30/09/2024 08:36

If this is not what the dog is used to this is not on at all. It would put me right off. A one year old lab needs company and stimulation 🥺
it’ll be the thin end of the wedge 😔

I agree.

It's very telling behaviour.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 30/09/2024 09:41

Bestyearever2024 · 30/09/2024 06:46

He sounds dreadful and you've definitely made the right decision, OP

Could you report him to the RSPCA for not vaccinating and being cruel? Sorry, this is probably a dim thing to suggest. The thought of that poor dog has upset me 🥺

The RSPCA doesn't care about things like this.

They're bloody useless.

Ubugly · 30/09/2024 09:42

The dog sleeping in the porch would put me off let alone anything else. Grim, run!

InThisWholeWorld · 30/09/2024 09:48

He's a nasty, selfish cunt.

Poor dog.

Fastback · 30/09/2024 11:39

I farm. This is not how I keep my dogs. This is how people who don’t give a shit about dogs might keep a dog.

I would actually stop seeing him for this. But I do care about dogs. They’re living creatures who deserve better than that shit.

Floralnomad · 30/09/2024 11:41

In no way acceptable and I’m glad it has put you off him .

Original poster
User5612347 · 30/09/2024 12:45

I don't feel he'd intend to mistreat the dog. It seems more like he's being thoughtless and lazy.
I'm going to tell him tonight that I don't want to continue. We haven't even had a night away together yet but I'm already worrying about his dog and he implied I'm a nag. I don't think he's worth any more of my time.

OP posts:
ILoveAnnaQuay · 30/09/2024 13:00

Good for you OP.

Blusterydaytodaypoohbear · 30/09/2024 13:06

It's a shame the ddog won't have a nag in it's corner now. Maybe report him. It's the law to be micro chipped.. .. Bet it isn't that either.

indianrunnerduck · 30/09/2024 13:26

A complete and utter deal breaker for me. I definitely would not want to go away for the weekend with someone who cared so little about an animal. This is a horrible way to treat any dog, the poor dog will be lonely and cold and confused. There is no way that I would be able to rid myself of the image of this dog chained up outside, with only access to a shed & the possibility of a random visit. The fact that he laughed at your concerns is unpleasant too & shows you who he is. Of course country people don't treat their dogs like this. It makes me wonder in what other ways he is treating his dog unkindly and with cruelty.
I am not surprised that you now feel differently about him now because he sounds nasty. I wouldn't want any more to do with him.

Lurkingandlearning · 30/09/2024 14:39

It’s a horrible thing to do to a dog that is not old enough to be vaccinated- a puppy. And it’s completely unnecessary. He could wait for a few weeks until the dog can be put in kennels for his weekend away.

Would you enjoy yourself knowing where the puppy was? I wouldn’t want to be with a man who would do that

Floralnomad · 30/09/2024 14:57

Lurkingandlearning · 30/09/2024 14:39

It’s a horrible thing to do to a dog that is not old enough to be vaccinated- a puppy. And it’s completely unnecessary. He could wait for a few weeks until the dog can be put in kennels for his weekend away.

Would you enjoy yourself knowing where the puppy was? I wouldn’t want to be with a man who would do that

The dog is plenty old enough to have been vaccinated , the owner hasn’t bothered and likely won’t

Cantalever · 30/09/2024 15:36

Can you ditch him and adopt the dog before you go? it doesn't sound as though it would have a good life with him.

Original poster
User5612347 · 30/09/2024 15:53

Cantalever · 30/09/2024 15:36

Can you ditch him and adopt the dog before you go? it doesn't sound as though it would have a good life with him.

The dog is cute but I work long days and am enjoying the freedom of having my evenings to myself now that my kids are grown. I'm not looking for extra responsibility in my life, either in the shape of dogs or irresponsible men.

OP posts:
SparrowFeet · 30/09/2024 15:56

User5612347 · 29/09/2024 17:45

Posted too soon.
He laughed at my concern and said that people who live in the countryside do this all the time. I feel differently about both him and weekend away now but I don't know if I'm overreacting.

I live in the countryside. No they don't.

CoffeeGood · 30/09/2024 16:12

No dog should EVER be on a chain. Yes, in the old days people used to keep dogs on chains, but now we know better. They are dangerous, the dog could get caught up in it, it couldn't get away if there was a fire, or another animal tried to attack it. Only ignorant or cruel people would think it was okay in this day and age.

You are right to be having second thoughts about the horrid man.