Would a counsellor see this as a safeguarding issue?

[Tulip2478]

Iv posted several times before over the years about behavior that I find unacceptable from my H, including possible financial control and being inappropriate sexually while I have been asleep.
Taking advice from posters on here I previously contacted womens aid and have made a resolve to try and change my life for the better. Unfortunately, I am not in a position financially or emotionally to just up and leave my marriage.
I have referred myself for counselling as my depression and panic attacks have increased markedly over the past couple of months. I have one good friend who I confided in who encouraged this but it got me thinking. if I am open and honest fully about what is hurting me right now, (which is things from my childhood and my husbands disrespectful and jokey attitude to things he has done), I am worried a counsellor might see this is a safeguard issue because we have children in the house. This was also the reaction of many posters on here.

There is no physical violence and my children are well looked after and happy, with everything they need given to them. It is more how I feel about the relationship that is the problem. Does anyone here have any idea on the policies regarding situations like this, where the children aren't in immediate danger but there may be elements of abuse? I'm terrified of saying the wrong things and making things worse.

For a counsellor in private practice, the only past crimes with a legal duty to report are:
Terrorism
Drug trafficking
Money laundering
Involvement in a road traffic accident that was not reported to the police at the time.

Obviously a crime in progress/intended would be a different matter.

It is different for counsellors working in organisations. But there is actually no legal duty in private practice to report anything other than those things listed. Morally, of course, counsellors may feel differently. However, the law does not require it.

No you don't report things you're not sure about, that's not how safeguarding works. If you're not sure, you consult your supervisor and try to get more information to inform your decision if it is not clear cut. It can be harmful to make safeguarding reports when you don't have the correct/sufficient information to weigh up whether or not breaking a client's confidentiality is warranted, necessary or proportionate. A key principle of safeguarding is the least restrictive option available to keep someone safe.

In the situation the OP is talking about, I absolutely would not have advised any practitioner I supervised to break an adult client's confidentiality.

If of course one of the children was the client and disclosed this information that would be different.

The BACP say:
"Make sure you understand the difference between when you are required by law to break confidentiality, and when you are permitted by law to break confidentiality if it's in the public interest (discretionary disclosures).
Examples of legally obliged disclosures include:

• acts of terrorism
• drug trafficking and money laundering
• court orders or subpoenas

Examples of discretionary disclosures:

• child protection and safeguarding
• protection of vulnerable adults
• risk of suicide or serious self-harm or harm to others"

Thanks for the replies from people who have some experience in this area. I understand the situation isn't straightforward as there I'd no direct abuse happening to the children, and the level of harm to myself is very low. I will try and be honest as I can about things at home and I'm not intending to purposeful hide things, but I feel better knowing what I can expect and if i do get referred to anybody else it will only help me. For those who read my last thread I'm still writing a journal of questionable behaviour from H, and have included his recent remarks of admitting he used to start to penetrate me in my sleep and joking about taking advantage of me. I am visiting a friend tommorow who knows a bit about my marriage and who encouraged me to see a counsellor. While im there I am going to research properly into safe accommodation, it will be the first day and half of not having H or any children around in months, so I will get chance to do it.

Have you as yet sought legal advice re divorcing your (and in turn your children’s) This should also be a part of your plan to leave your abuser along with guidance from
Womens Aid.

Even though he is not directly abusing the kids he is abusing you and therefore in turn them. They see him treat them well with you as their mum being treated poorly, they know far more than perhaps you care to realise. He us giving them really mixed messages.

I note sadly also without much surprise you grew up in an abusive household too and your childhood primed you into being with your abuser now. Abuse became your familiar.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?.

Your counsellor hopefully understands the power and control of an abusive marriage. If not find another counsellor !.

I remember you as well and I sincerely hope you all get away from him ultimately. You have a choice too re this man, your children do not. He is not going to change and what he does works for him. I would strongly urge you to use this time wisely with a view to also planning your safe exit from him.

@Tulip2478 there has been physical abuse though, he is raping you whilst you are asleep! Physical abuse isn’t just been beaten. He has sexually abused you regularly. The fact you can’t see that this is one) physical abuse 2) putting your children at risk staying in a home like this is really worrying. I say this as someone that left an awful relationship, leaving is the hardest part, but once you’re out life is so much better. Financially you need to go to prepare, check out https://www.entitledto.co.uk to see what benefits you’re entitled to. No children should live in a home where their mother is being financially and physically abused

Support services will help you leave, they will not enable you to stay. In my experience they will help as much as they can. They may offer counselling for your children if appropriate. They may decide to stop support if they think your children are at risk. What are you afraid of OP. In cases where children have been removed they have been assessed as being at risk. If your DH has SA'd you they are at risk if anything happens to you.

You have to advocate for yourself and your DC OP. Keep asking for help. I hope you get out

Afraid of all the usual stupid stuff... won't be able to cope on my own as my mental health isn't good, I have terrible anxiety. I was so strong as a young woman now I'm afraid of everything. My H is a much better parent than me and I'm not being biased my kids prefer him to me. I don't know where to go I haven't been financially independent for years now not paid a bill, have nothing in my name no money put aside. My parents and everybody will think I'm crazy. And in a weird way I don't want to hurt him or make people think bad of him. I genuinely don't think he would do anything to me if I left but I'm not sure as he has a really cold side to him and sometimes sees me as fair game to play with like an object. He has sent an poc of me to a man he works with when I was in just a thong for example and had a naked pic of me as his screensaver, i asked him not too, and people saw it at his work. So maybe he will act out of disregard for my feelings.

@AttilaTheMeerkat No I haven't as yet. I am going to look into it tommorow. My friends mum had to escape DV with my friend when she was young so she may have some helpful guidance.

Talk to women's aid. Do the freedom programme if you can. Your confidence and everything has been eroded. You will get support to think about how you can change your situation. You haven't done anything wrong. It's duck protocol time