Needy boyfriend

[Ickaflick]

My bf was sick the past week. A cold. He and I got into a huge fight bc he thinks I’m not caring enough because I worked from home and didn’t check in on him or offer him tea. If he’d asked I would have done, I’m in the next room. I have a stressful intense job, and I walked the puppy and tidied all the time he was ill.

Am I an asshole? I wouldn’t expect him to check on me every few hours - if I needed something I’d ask.

Also when I’m ill I get no respite because I’m still raising our child and doing house work. Last time I was sick he asked me to get him sweets from the store because he couldn’t be bothered going.

He's a lazy git. You're not his personal slave. Don't do it, as it'll only get worse.

I wouldn’t say you’re an arsehole but I check in on my dp while working from home if he’s sick and he checks on me.

It sounds like you have some wider concerns about him not doing enough in general. That may well be justified. But if it’s got to the point where you don’t want to support him when he’s sick then I think you guys might be in a bad place.

So basically he expects you to be his mum?
And from your post, that doesn't seem to change when he isn't sick anymore. Have you considered that your life might be easier without him in it?

Yeah - arsehole. Why are you living with a man you don’t give a shit about?

I would check in on my dh in those circumstances. I think that’s just basic kindness.

But if it’s got to the point where you don’t want to support him when he’s sick then I think you guys might be in a bad place.

He’s got a cold, not cancer FFS!

@AgentJohnson you don’t have to be seriously sick/ terminally ill to benefit from a cup of tea and support.

He's got a cold and he can't make a cup of tea? Honestly I couldn't put up with such a man baby. Hasn't he heard of just dosing yourself up with cold & flu tablets and getting on with it 🙄

So I probably would check on DH in this situation, at least on my breaks. Not every couple of hours though, especially if job was demanding and stressful.

However my DH is very good at looking after me when I’m ill and wouldn’t dare ask me to go to the shop for him.

If he wasn’t, I’d probably not bother checking on him either. So can’t say I blame you.

It works both ways. You look after him (tea & sympathy, toast, hotwater bottle, lemsip, whatever) and he does the same.
If he doesn't then maybe he isn't the one for you.

You've got a wider problem in your relationship in that he doesn't give a toss. He doesn't look after you when you're ill, in fact he expects you to run errands. You need to raise the bar.

The issue is that he is a hypocrite. Of course you should give your partner some TLC if they are ill, and step up if they can’t do stuff - but it’s got to be reciprocal.

I’m hugely unsympathetic to colds, but even I stick my head in every 4 hrs to see if he wants a drink, or a top up of paracetamol or lemsip

Do you like your BF? Does he like you?

He’s got a cold not the bubonic plague. Is he rendering so bed stricken he can’t make himself a cuppa. He sounds like a giant man baby - must of us would still be working with a cold not doing a dying swan act.

Agreed. Your relationship is unbalanced.

Also when I’m ill I get no respite because I’m still raising our child and doing house work. Last time I was sick he asked me to get him sweets from the store because he couldn’t be bothered going

Remind him of this and ask him why he has such major double standards.

Id check on my other half if he was unwell (although with a little cold I don’t know why he’d have to stay in bed anyway), but that’s because he does the same when I’m not well.

You’ve done nothing wrong here. In fact you should be pissed off at him for being useless and demanding. More annoyingly that he’s an entitled little 💩

A cold isn’t really a reason to check up in a whole grown adult. What adult is staying in bed all day with a freaking cold. How completely ridiculous.

I worked through a chest infection this month. I’m still sputtering a bit and I’ve been on antibiotics . So did my Fire Fighter husband who works whole time and retained which all together is 7 days a week and he can be called out at all hours 24/7. He also took the kids to sports evenings and mornings. He also did laundry. He wasn’t asking me to make him teas or pamper him while he lounged around. We do look after each other but it’s not demanded.

Your boyfriend sounds like a man child. If he needs mothering because he has the sniffles then maybe his mother could come collect him. Maybe she could keep him a while until he appreciates you more and contributes more to the relationship other than being a pain in the arse.

Ick

tell him to call his Mummy as that’s obviously what he wants

I was thinking the same thing until I got to the last paragraph: "Also when I’m ill I get no respite because I’m still raising our child and doing house work. Last time I was sick he asked me to get him sweets from the store because he couldn’t be bothered going."

Sounds to me like a this man wants a mummy to mummy him, and be the sole parent for their child - it's not an equal partnership.

Sick with a cold. For a week. Diddums.

Useless manbaby fucker.

Also OP, I'm cringing at the thought of this man asking you to go to "go get him sweets from the store because he couldn't be bothered going". He sounds like he's 10 years old.

If I'm ill I go to bed. DH usually sticks his head round the door at some point and offers tea at least once morning and afternoon.

If you didn't even do that it's a bit poor. If he's wafting around behaving like a dying duck then not so much.

If he wouldn't do it for you, then it's fair enough not to bother.

Which leads on to the point that if the relationship is in such a state that neither of you can be arsed to be kind, then you gotta wonder why you're together at all.

You’re next door and you wouldn’t offer food or drink. Wow, I think you know the answer. However, it needs to be both ways. Sounds like you’re feeling angry about his lack of help and that’s making you behave like a-hole, but sounds like you need to fix your relationship you need to explain this to your partner calmly and discuss this.