I caught sight of myself in the changing room mirror and really can't understand why DP stays with me

[Blushingm]

It was just awful. I look awful.

All I think of now when DP kisses or cuddles me is all he is feeling is fat. Why on earth would he want that?

Are people looking at us and thinking 'what on earth is he doing?'

His ex used to reject him so is he with me as he thinks he can't do better (which I know he can)

Until they invent a mirror that shows personality, you're just not seeing yourself clearly.

Don't be daft, changing room mirrors are known to make everyone look awful.

You on the other hand might need some therapy to address your self esteem issues and if unhappy with your body invest in yourself time and money and sweat to move towards a healthier you.

You're bloody gorgeous.
Changing room mirrors are rubbish,why do you think so many women are ordering on line?
Years ago (before it was shit) there was an article in Cosmopolitan magazine ( I think) that revealed changing room mirrors sometimes distort reflections to make one look shorter or wider.
No such distortion was found in male changing room mirrors.

I'm trying. I've lost 15kg in the last year but I can't see how I look any different....

Surely personality can't outweigh what he sees or feels

Own it! You are a phenomenal woman. We all are.

By the way - I look like a king edward potato and still wear a bikini with a pina colada in hand. If people don't like it, they can look the other way. I've earned my stretch marks stripes.

What size are you? Do you have loose skin after the weight loss?

Changing room mirrors are the absolute worst. For years now I've avoided them and tried clothes on at home.

They do not represent you.

Because he loves you. ALL OF YOU. He wants to be with someone physically who he has a deep connection to, not just superficial.
Why do you want to sleep with him? I'm guessing it's similar.

Does it matter if she does?

You don’t see yourself as others see you. Research shows that we rate ourselves as less attractive than others would. It also shows that western women see ourselves as bigger than we truly are. Lots of men love squishy bits! Plus, your body is simply the thing that carries you around. Look after it so that it can do that and you can do the things in life you want to, but he loves you. If you were not inside that body and it as just a shell, he would no longer love it.

You have a perfect body,
but sometimes you forget,
You have a perfect body,
coz your eyelashes catch your sweat.

adapted from Regina Spektor’s song

In my (ok admittedly limited experience) I’ve understood men to think they’ve won the lottery just by being with a decent and warm woman, they don’t see what we do. I had terrible acne when dating my now husband, never seemed to turn him off.

There are far, far worse things to be as a person than fat.

When your partner kisses and cuddles you I imagine he feels love, warmth and affection for the person you are.

No. It bloody doesn’t and what an odd question to ask.

Men don't see what we see. We see our horrible bits. They just see the whole picture as though it's airbrushed and don't notice the things we do!

We all need to be more like Aretha, I saw this last week it's the ending of the film "Respect" (cracking film btw) but look at her from 3 mins on, she knows what she's got. He loves you, be more Aretha

You are beautiful OP.

I hate changing room mirrors. Triggers my body dysmorphia like nothing else.

Agree. And if he is that shallow he’s not worth keeping anyway.

I don't believe that department stores deliberately use distorted mirrors for women's changing rooms but not for men's changing rooms. That is just made up nonsense.

I've been a variety of sizes in the two decades I've been with my husband. I'm now the slimmest I've ever been but he's not any different towards me, if anything I think he misses my squishier bits!

Don't get me wrong, he's pleased for me that I've lost the excess weight (I've gone from borderline obese to the middle of the "healthy" zone, but for most of our relationship I've been firmly in the overweight category) and he's proud of me to committing and sticking to regular exercise and so on, but I really don't think he's ever cared how much I weigh. I'd bet your partner.is the same, most men are not as shallow as a pond!

not from losing 15kg

Because he loves you?

Is he a supermodel? Has he not changed in all the time you are together?

Honestly, if he says and shows that he loves you, believe him!

Hey OP. Solidarity as changing room mirrors really are the worst with the spotlights which accentuate my cellulite and lumps and bumps. I try to quickly change in one and look at myself in another cubicle's mirror if any spare ones.

Most importantly though, I'm sure your husband loves you just the way you are. I struggle with my body image and my husband tells me he actually fancies me just as much with my 15kg heavier post DC body and sometimes even more. I'm starting to think he might be telling the truth. I'm so grateful to my body for growing and feeding my DC and just keeping me alive to enjoy life! And it's just my shell. My husband and friends and DC didn't/wouldn't love me for having a size 8 in my clothes.

Find clothes that make you feel absolutely gorgeous and accentuate the parts you love the most.

No-one looks good in changing room mirrors.
When someone hugs, cuddles and kisses us, they aren't seeing our bodies in fluroscent lights in a mirror where our body fills the complete outline. The mirror isn't showing feelings, love, hormones, history, personality. Plus we are our own worst enemies.
When I'm intimate with someone I'm not examining every inch of their body, plus don't see "flaws" when you love someone