I can't make my now ex H understand how much he has hurt me

[BirthdayRainbow]

He said sorry twice but he didn't really mean it.

How do I stop expecting something I'm never going to get? I feel I'm putting myself in harms way but hoping for an epiphany.

He was beyond cruel on top of an affair years ago. I'd rather he'd had another affair tbh.

Furious row this week. Yet I still sorted something for him. Idiot.

I think the friend thing is complicated for me @OrangeTeabags . I despise him for some many reasons but when we can't be civil never mind friendly it makes me feel I've wasted my life. But I can't be friendly as he doesn't understand the pain he's caused me in away I believe him and I don't want to be friends with someone who does and says what he has. But I will move on. I will be absolutely fine without him. I am fine without him. It is just not quite over yet as I will live in the family home.

Stop helping him out. Get counselling.

I think you are hoping for something he's incapable of providing - a sincere apology and understanding of how he hurt you. He sounds like a selfish man who doesn't actually care about the hurt his actions have caused.

You need to be in a place where he no longer has any influence and doesn't feature in your thoughts. You will get there but you need to consciously stop your thoughts turning to him. Your best revenge is living well and to be happy. Stop doing him favours or helping him with anything!

You have the power...only you OP. At the moment, you are giving this power away to him...take it back and move on. You DO NOT need him to say sorry...because he isn't sorry, so leave this in the past and just count your blessings that this wast of space is now out of your life.

Keep reminding yourself...you don't need him, close this chapter and move on.

We aren't friends but we are civil and "friendly" for our kids' sake.

As I say, I will never fully forgive him & I don't trust him so I can't call him a friend.

But I can be in the same room as him for a family event without tension or upset & the kids appreciate that.
They also have the luxury of not knowing the details of what he did which was my choice. It was our mess not theirs & the way things unfolded in our particular story meant I could shield them from it.
He's a selfish arsehole but in many ways that matter he's a good enough dad.

Think about this. The more you seek an apology however sincere, the more you show him you're bothered the more you fuel him. As pp have said, the more you grey rock him the better you'll feel

Knowing he has hurt you and caring are two different things. He knew when he was married to you but didn’t care then, that isn’t going to change.

He has sent an apology for how he was yesterday. I appreciate it and I'm glad I sent one message but I know it doesn't make up for what he has done and said but I am happy in my head I handled things later the best way for me. This is all about me. Not about him. I don't care about him. I don't care about what happens to him. I am not giving him my power as I took that when I divorced him but these things have to be worked through. You're kidding yourself if it is a case of snapping fingers and you're done. I was with my marriage must emotions are different.

To the person who sent the PM. I'm not comfortable with men messaging me and it's never a good idea to criticise a whole gender to the person who is that gender.