@XChrome your post and imagery is very powerful, very helpful and very true. Thank you. It feeds into me feeling like he was my prize after all I'd been through and I'd said I'd go through it all again if it meant I got him. I realised only this morning that maybe I was telling myself that as things weren't as good as I thought they were. I'm completely over him. I don't want him back and never did form the minute he left the home but him and the pain he caused are separate things. I'm not pining for him. I'm hurting at his actions. But I'll remember 🐵.
@HazelPlayer you have hit the nail on the head. He has zero emotional intelligence. He manages to say he's taken responsibility for his affair while also saying he wanted to feel better about himself, blame it on the fact I had an ex I still liked but never had contact with and justified his affair to her because of how awful it was to be with someone who had been abused as a child, had depression a lot after having his children and sometimes needed reassurance. Looking back all the signs were there this was not a good man for me but I was comparing him to the ones before who and hit me and not been great plus having to accept the true love of my life had married (spoiler, he hadn't. Mutual contacts lied as they knew I had met ex and probably thought I should move on). So he seemed like a good option. I worry for the lady he has now given she's a widow. I hope it's just companionship as there won't be any fireworks in the bedroom. He is currently in my phone with no name at all but there has been several. At one point he was just a full stop but I realised I don't have to have anything
@StripeyDeckchair we are divorced so all the finances are done. I do have to give him back the £321 as part of the agreement as it wasn't household expenses. But it was too late to change and he said ok so I assumed he was fine with it. He only had one affair but I take your point. I know I'll do better than him as I can look in the mirror and know I was a good wife, and excellent mother and I have supported my kids though all this. It has been hell but I've put them first. He has wallowed for a year, sent the, two emails about it and now he was feeling. Didn't ask how they are, blamed me to them about the affair and has been bloody useless. He even cut their phone contract as said he didn't see why they should have more than him! I told him he sounds jealous of his own children.
I am sorry you've had similar @rockingbird . Did you just decide and find that was enough to help you move on? I have been implementing that and saying the same to a friend so I need to do it and say to it myself as well.
I know it sounds daft @AllProperTeaIsTheft but it also helped me and saved me a tricky job.
@Hercisback1 that is a good one. He has no value to me so why should I attach any value to anything he says or does. Whereas I am valued by my children and friends and I need to recognise that.
He was just thinking of himself @WiserOlderElf and he only told me about his affair as her h was writing to tell me and he felt he should tell me first. He beat the postman by less than ten minutes. As for what he said, I can't help wondering if there was already someone or something else going on but I'm not wasting any time going down that road as I don't care and I'll never know.
I'm not @YellowRoom . I have my own happiness. I just wanted to be heard but I know I'm not going to be.