No sex

[Queen12345]

Husband of 25 years won’t touch me. Avoids sex. Is this common? Friends seem to have to fend off their husbands. I seem to have opposite problem.

Could it be he has a ED and is ashamed about it?

How many of the 25 years has he been like this? When did he "go off" it?

Is this all of a sudden or gradually over time? There could be medical or psychological reasons as to why. Hard to say anything without any context. Do you both engage in any other kinds of intimacy or being affectionate? Having an honest conversation, outside the bedroom, without being defensive or accusatory, might be a good place to start.

It’s always been an issue

Even flinches when I accidentally touch him in passing

That's very odd and I'm sure hurtful. Though it is surprising that this issue has never been addressed...25 years is a very long time.

I'm male, and I've been married 26 years, my wife and I rarely have sex, and I really do mean rarely, but at least twice a week I'll masturbate, I try to not, but have no success, could this be the issue. I will add, I've not read anything else in this stream.

I don’t think so

Assuming he is in his mid 50’s or so.
he just might plain not enjoy sex , or the most difficult, not enjoy sex with you

Flinching when you touch him?!?! I think that you have to address this asap. I would suggest getting into couples therapy. Good luck OP!

Any child hood trauma there OP??

Men can go off sex in their 50s/at any age when there is work stress etc but flinching when you touch him is highly unusual. Has he always done this? Could possibly be childhood trauma or something else that might require therapy to unpack

Wow, you've lived like this for 25 years OP?
I feel for you.

Have you talked to him about it?

It's more common than society lets us believe. Men suffer with low libido just as much as women, just for different reasons. It's got nothing to do with you. But it is a real problem that needs to be addressed.

I remember reading that sex therapists reported that when there's a mismatch in sex drives in a heterosexual relationship, in roughly two-thirds of cases it's the man with the higher drive, and in the other one-third it's the woman with a higher drive. So there are lots of other men out there who are similar to this, although the flinching does sound less common and might be a particular point for concern.

Always been this way? Could he have a secret porn addiction?

is he secretive with his phone/laptop? Does he take it the bathroom or stay up late etc?

He does like porn

Some men prefer to please themselves with their hand than take the effort to please their partners. Porn can be addictive.

Have you ever tried to talk to him about his lack of interest? He needs to know that it’s bothering you, and he should make real efforts to knock the porn off if he is substituting a real sex life for it. Not fair at all on you.

Well, if as you say he's been this way for the entire 25 year relationship it's not going to ever be any different is it!

Did you think he would get better 25 years ago?
It's terribly sad that you've been so unfulfilled all these years.

Time to call it a day and hopefully find a more tactile relationship with someone new?

My first thought was he could be gay and not want to admit it. This happened to my mum with her second husband.

I just don’t know.

Have you tried talking with him about it before? What happens if you try to discuss it? Do you think he would be willing to go to couples counselling with you?

Makes me feel so unattractive. And yet I know I’m not.

Kids, mortgage, jobs - my needs come last on the list