I'm having a wobble and need outside perspective.
To be clear, it's lying I have an issue with and the levels of deceit involved.
I saw my DH lifting up towards the top of the kitchen cupboards earlier and when I looked he moved quickly. He left the room and I had a look and there was an e cigarette.
We've had this in the past. He lies about silly things but also bigger things and just has a real issue with being 'judged' in any way and will lie if he thinks I won't like something.
First time was around 8 years ago when I found a plastic bag full of the liquids that go in them. He said it was his brother's and I believed him. The lying hadn't really come out at that point so I just accepted it.
Then a few years later I found the stick thing in his bag when getting something. He said it was old and not his. I've found them multiple times and only the last few years has he admitted it was his. I said to him I don't have an issue, I just don't like the idea of him sneaking around. Once I found it behind the toilet when cleaning. Another he had fallen asleep drunk on the sofa and it was on his chest.
We have a joint account where wages go and so he says he uses bits of cash to buy them. He takes them to work every day and then comes home and hides it right away so it isn't in his bag.
When I find them he says he doesn't want to do it and will stop and even throws them away but it's clearly just a front. I've said just please be honest. The shady behaviour makes me anxious.
I feel like I'm over reacting. I feel upset tonight because last time he promised me he wouldn't hide it again and after a while he said he was stopping and I asked him to tell me if he starts again. He says I'm being controlling and it shouldn't be an issue because hes not hurting me or cheating on me. He can't seem to understand that this constant lying is a problem.
Am I being silly??