How to play it cool

[Hennypen321]

So I'm not jumping into any new relationship these days, some of you may have seen how I've had to remove myself from abusive/toxic ones before.

I'm single, I'm dating, I had been on a few dates each with 2 different men. My intuition said not to go ahead with one of them, and so I've told them we won't be seeing each other again. We didn't sleep together.

I've then carried on meeting up with the other guy, we have slept together couple times. He has said that he isn't going to jump into anything, he's not sure what he can offer me, not sure where he is at. He said he is quite erratic and spontaneous, and said he thinks I may not need that in my life.

When we first met it wasn't planned (not via OLD like the other guy) we knew each other already and one day just met for drinks and slept together, was fun and nice. From there it developed into a friendship and we have slept together once more since.

Now I don't want to rush anything but also don't want to overcommit to this guy. He said he was talking to someone else before the first random night we met and he hasn't spoken to her much since. He knew I was dating people too.

At what point do we have the chat where we address what we are?? It's been 2 weeks so far since our first meeting. So early anyway.

Good post. He’s been very clear about where he is now. It’s entirely up to you to decide whether that works for you. It’s only two weeks in — do you need to decide anything? You’re both upfront seeing other people, so it’s not as if he’s blocking you from discovering other potential relationships.

And I agree entirely that your emphasis should not be on ‘playing it cool’ in the sense of pretending a coolness you don’t feel, but on genuinely having lots of interesting things, people, activities that you love and are enthused by in your life, so that you get a genuine chance to judge what he, or any man, is worth to you, if it involves choosing between seeing him, or doing something you know you will have an absolute ball at, and come home buzzing.

How do you stop thinking about 'what could have been' and why do I attach myself to emotionally unavailable men!?

Any pattern of behaviour happens because there’s something in it for you. What is the benefit to you of attaching to emotionally available men?

What's the benefit of attaching to emotionally available or unavailable do you?

Well there's no benefit of attaching to emotionally unavailable men is there...

Well there is, if you on some level don't want to be attached. If you maybe find comfort in patterns of behaviour learned in childhood, maybe if you were used to a parent who withheld love and affection from you?

But you don't have to get that deep if you don't think it's helpful. Just learn how to play the game. You have to date lots of men at the same time. Don't chat endlessly before dating, arrange to meet asap. The moment you see a red flag or anything feels questionable, you ditch him. The point of dating multiple men at once is that you don't get overly invested in one man and start overlooking the red flags. You date lots of guys and see it as trying to find the one you like the most.