Age Gap

[Nothernsoulfood]

Looking for advice as a single Dad.

I have been dating for a while without success having got to the stage where I can feel I can welcome a special person into our lives.

Dating apps have not really been working for me to date, I have a dating range set between 32 and 49. I am 42. However a younger woman (27), liked my profile, we got chatting and have met for a date.

She is absolutely lovely and we get on well and have some shared interests, but the one thing I worry about is the age gap, she is almost young enough to be my daughter (my kid still pre teen), and she mentioned some hobbies, I have know Idea what they are, like using TikTok to to tutorials and do clothes hauls.

I asked her why she liked a profile of an older man and she talked about having more grown up values then men of her own age and wanting the stability. She has her own career in the corporate world and has emigrated here from Nigeria.

I just worry about what she sees in me and what others will think.

Interested in if there are any age gap relationships out there and how you made them work.

42 is hardly old. Don’t write yourself off.

I think there is plenty in it for her. Stability, safety, marriage (guys her age and even older may be much less keen).

Is she a British citizen?

If there is interest on both sides I can't see how it could hurt considering you are both legal and consenting adults. Also in response to Poppy what does being British have to do with age gap? No animosity genuinely just curious

I think it’s because he mentioned she’s from Nigeria and perhaps the possibility she may be after permanent residency if she doesn’t already have it?

She's from a different country and may be looking to marry for British citizenship.

Yeah I agree with this.

One thing I’d be thinking about if I was you though is if you’re looking for a long term life partner, are you and a 27 year old going to have the same “next steps” plans? As in if she wants children, do you want more children? If she wants someone to buy a house and build a life with, is that something you want to do or is it something you’ve already done and maybe wouldn’t want to give up your own home/mortgage (if you have one) to combine with someone else?

For what it’s worth I’m in my 20’s and if my husband and I were to split up now I’d probably be more open to relationships with someone older than with someone closer to my own age because I’m already a homeowner and a mum, I wouldn’t want to go through that process again with someone new so an older man who may be on that same wave length would probably be more suited!

No she doesn't have British citizenship. Been in the country for a couple of years on a works Visa.

She is absolutely lovely. But I can't not wonder why she wanted to match with a very average looking man with kids. When she is younger and stunning. Seriously one of the women who I would say way out my league.

Yes, I am ok in terms of money and own my house. So it does play on my mind.

I'm totally open to kids etc. and we do share interests and outlook. But obviously some differences to

No she doesn't have British citizenship. Been in the country for a couple of years on a works Visa.

She is absolutely lovely. But I can't not wonder why she wanted to match with a very average looking man with kids. When she is younger and stunning. Seriously one of the women who I would say way out my league.

I would move on as I have seen this a lot. If something is too good to be true, it usually is.

Sorry but if she doesn’t have British citizenship I’d move on if I were you.

There's 14 years between me and my dp so I was going to say go for it until I read about her not having citizenship. Call me cynical but I'd be very weary of her motives.

Considering she doesn't have citizenship I agree with being wary about motives in this case

You need to move on.

Have you actually met her yet? There’s a few red flags definitely

Says so in the OP.

My DH is older than me but we met when I was in my 30’s and he was in his 40’s.

Happy relationship 20 years later but we both had past happy relationships too just didn’t work out. Although, neither of us had any children until we had our own DC.

Many people will judge but it is your life.

Go on a few dates. See how you connect. If she has a stable corporate job she can get citizenship in her own right.

You are not marrying her yet! Don’t discount her because of politics alone.

My friend did this but already had two children and did not want any more. The second the conversation went to marriage and children she said she wanted them, she was 29 he did not want any more children so it ended.

Oh OP, be really careful here.

When you 'catch feelings' (probably after the first night together) it will be too late to extricate from helping her when/if she needs your help.

You will feel absolutely obliged to offer what she is asking for.
A few nights stay/a tide over financially/beurocratic assistance.

These are things the average 25 year old would be unable or unwilling to provide.

She knows her worth to you as a much older man.

What is this glittering career of which she speaks? 🤔

What is her career?

OP, be very careful here. She has not got British Citizenship and she may well see you as a way to achieve it. I would be very wary indeed, no matter how lovely she is l think let this one go.

If you have to ask the question you know the answer. Run a mile!

It would be the “making clothes haul videos” on TikTok that set all the alarm bells ringing for me.

Why?

Agree with others - this is not for you or your children. (What do they think by the way?)
You have citizenship, a house, an income, stability. You are worried about the age gap and don't see what she sees in you. You are grateful that she is showing interest. That makes you an attractive "target".

Tell her that you have no interest in ever marrying because it wouldn't be fair on the kids and be very careful with contraception. Tell her you do not want more children. See whether she seems as keen and lovely then.

Sorry to seem so suspicious but I've seen a lot of very similar cases.