Scared, suddenly single at 35 after 8 years. Want to start a family

[Lostviking]

Hi

The relationship stuff is messy, happy to explain if people want but TLDR is we were fooling ourselves it could work because we are still very much in love the situation just sucks. Went from viewing houses and discussing wedding ideas to this within 3 weeks.

Now in 35 and alone, never even lived alone before. The idea of dating is erghhh. And honestly I can't see anyone wanting me with my depression and eating issues. I never had much luck attracting people or lasting more that a few weeks before J. I just cant imagine finding that bond again.

I know now I have to give up a lot of my dreams, things I assumed would happen. Things he and I bith wanted and untill very recently where my future.

Things I wanted in life;
A family
Love
No financial stress
Own my home
Travel
Maybe a wedding

I can be without most of it but not a child, I would desperately like to be loved again.

Do I have any hope? Should I just have a child alone?

Yes very much, ww picked out names 6/7 uwars ago. but he doesnt want them if he can parent them and he thinks his disability/illness whatever will not be recovered enough to do that for a long time if ever

Thank you
Egg freezing was already the plan.

If you both want children, and you're prepared to have a child on your own with the support of your family, would it not make sense to have his children? And then if he does get better, he can play a more active role, but initially can be passive?

I would freeze your eggs then work on your mental health and see if you meet someone in the next few years. You could carry a baby with relatively low risk until 40 if your eggs are young.

However it sounds like you have long term mental health difficulties which means you really have to have a good support system and money for regular therapy even when well otherwise you're setting your child up for a lifetime of the same.

That would be nice but he would not be willing to not be an involved father.
His left when he was 4, had very little involvment and disapeared when he was 14. ex didnt know if he was even alive. For him is was properly or not at all.

Agreed, I dont plan on ever not having regular therapy. I am lucky and found someone relativily cheap and good and have parents who could help me meet basic needs (inc therapy) if things got bad.
I have been in a good place with my mental health before, I will never not have depression but i hope to get to a place where its mild. Do have to sort the eating out though, its physically healthy but not mentally

I think you sound utterly drained and exhausted from being a carer for so many years. I would be focusing not on family or babies right now, but on the recovery of your physical and mental health. This might take some time.

I'm not sure how much effort he was putting in to find out the cause of his ill health from what you said, it seems that he was kind of accepting this is how it is for him. I'd be hoping he did everything he could before this acceptance.