Why is he using me?

[Traveljunkee]

Hello Ladies, I need your advice and help.

I have been seeing a man for over a year. We are both having an affair. At first he was really into me, he wasn’t happy with his gf and we would be in regular contact, but now I think he is just using me for sex. Can you verify he is?

He asks to hook up with me for sex every week. He’ll be all charming when he wants it, flirting, sharing pictures but after sex he’s not interested in me. After it he goes silent and doesn’t want to lay with me, hold me or talk. Doesn’t get in contact until following week. The sex is the only love he gives me and that’s why it’s hard to let go. The sex is so mind-blowing. He has not bought me anything no flowers/chocolates/gifts/money nothing. Doesn’t show appreciation.

I think his behaviour of using me is really starting to affect my mental health so badly. I am in love with him but not vice versa. When we meet for sex its amazing, but afterwards he doesn’t care about me and my brain is forced to stop my feelings and accept he doesn’t want to chill. This change in my brain happens every week like an on and off button. This change in my brain is affecting my MH and my mind so much. I feel so much love through sex, but afterwards I overthink and get so depressed/angry and his behaviour is making me question my self worth. I feel empty and worthless inside.

Even during sex I find that he’s more concerned about his pleasure rather than mine. I’m so hurt and I feel like a st*pid grown woman. I am very loving, caring but he doesn’t care about that. He just wants sex.

He does all these nice things for his gf, but nothing nice for me and I give him mind-blowing sex. I have begged him to show me love and care but he doesn’t show it to me.

I want to end the affair, but my sexual desires just keep returning.

He's using you because you're letting him.

Grow up and sort yourself out and stop seeing yourself as a victim.

@MermaidEyes 100%!!

You don't love him. There is literally nothing about him and his behaviour that could possibly cause you to. You just can't differentiate between the physical closeness and chemical high of sex and the emotion of love, and are addicted to the high you get after the low of being ignored, because the latter intensifies the former. You may also have a masochistic tendancy, emotionally at least. I strongly recommend you seek therapy to explore these traits because unless you identify the cause of them you will struggle to maintain healthy relationships and keep veering from one situation like this to another.

Yes he is using u.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Sure, he's a user. But so are you. What exactly does your actual parter give you? Security? A home? Father for your children?

Of course he's not affectionate or loving towards you - you are just a Fuck Buddy.

But you're cheating on your partner / bf too, and I notice you don't mention them at all.nor do you express any guilt over your cheating.

You should end both relationships and get some therapy because I think you need some work.

How can the sex be ‘mind blowing’ if he’s not that concerned about your pleasure?

It's the attention and validation after rejection/indifference (which lasted from straight after the last episode of sex until he started being "nice" in the lead up to the next episode of sex).

Also in general women who are chasing, being messed around by, and wanting to "win" with a man; get very excited and emotional about sex with him and desire him a lot.

The other thing is that many men are perfectly capable of having sex with women they don't respect, for the sex.

That's not so common in women.

So he could easily take the extra curricular sex with you, for the sex, while judging you as a cheating woman. Men like him often have massive double standards and wouldn't judge himself, but would judge a cheating woman.

You can never undo that identity for him. But you wouldn't want to anyway ..... Because he's a cheating scum bag and user. If you were unlucky enough to end up in the gfs position, you'd be the one at home not knowing he's out cheating on you on the regular.