Why is he using me?

[Traveljunkee]

Hello Ladies, I need your advice and help.

I have been seeing a man for over a year. We are both having an affair. At first he was really into me, he wasn’t happy with his gf and we would be in regular contact, but now I think he is just using me for sex. Can you verify he is?

He asks to hook up with me for sex every week. He’ll be all charming when he wants it, flirting, sharing pictures but after sex he’s not interested in me. After it he goes silent and doesn’t want to lay with me, hold me or talk. Doesn’t get in contact until following week. The sex is the only love he gives me and that’s why it’s hard to let go. The sex is so mind-blowing. He has not bought me anything no flowers/chocolates/gifts/money nothing. Doesn’t show appreciation.

I think his behaviour of using me is really starting to affect my mental health so badly. I am in love with him but not vice versa. When we meet for sex its amazing, but afterwards he doesn’t care about me and my brain is forced to stop my feelings and accept he doesn’t want to chill. This change in my brain happens every week like an on and off button. This change in my brain is affecting my MH and my mind so much. I feel so much love through sex, but afterwards I overthink and get so depressed/angry and his behaviour is making me question my self worth. I feel empty and worthless inside.

Even during sex I find that he’s more concerned about his pleasure rather than mine. I’m so hurt and I feel like a st*pid grown woman. I am very loving, caring but he doesn’t care about that. He just wants sex.

He does all these nice things for his gf, but nothing nice for me and I give him mind-blowing sex. I have begged him to show me love and care but he doesn’t show it to me.

I want to end the affair, but my sexual desires just keep returning.

What is "kind,loving & caring" about cheating on your partner and being the OW for a man in a "committed" relationship??

I think the descriptive words you need to use for yourself are "lying cheater" instead 🙄

This is true, you're feeding his ego and begging for it. Have self respect. He may use a bunch of tactics to lure you back, telling you he wants you, reminding you of what you enjoy to make it sound like he is doing you a favour, telling you what you have is special (but clearly not special enough for you both to be together).

Why is he using you? Because he can, and you let him..simple as that.
Just end it.

It's a very painful situation to be in. It does sound like he's only interested in you for sex. I've been in this situation and it's horrible. As painful and as hard as it is and as much as you want to be a part of him intimately, you need to say no. You need to understand that you deserve better. He can't be
shagging you, then going cold on you and doing nothing else with you, cuddling or not even talking to you. Its disgusting. You will miss him and it will be painful but you need to break this off and allow yourself to heal from this. He's treating you like crap and if he doesn't care to see your loving side well🖕 him

Giving him the benefit of the doubt for a year is more than enough to actually find out what he really wants, and it clearly is not you. He just wants to let his stuff out and it doesn't matter who you are and what you are because he doesn't spend any time with you. So even if he says next time I'll spend time with you, it's simple, say no and don't believe it.

Learn from what people have told you in this thread, its simple, you need to try harder to let him out of your life before he makes it all toxic and you lose more of your mind.

How can the sex be ‘mind blowing’ if he’s not that concerned about your pleasure?

@Traveljunkee, you are devaluing and disrespecting yourself. This scum knows he can throw you a few crumbs of charm and you’ll allow him to use you as a receptacle.

My heart goes out to your respective Partners. Where is your ‘kindness and caring’ for them? You’ve clearly found a way to justify harming them. They don’t deserve to be made fools of or to have their agency and consent stolen by you two.

Want better for yourself, @Traveljunkee. Seek therapy to examine why you are clinging to this degradation.

As for your original question, he is a
self-serving Pig who feels entitled to chase side-sex and gets an extra thrill from making the women in his harem feel small and used.

This is not a good guy, @Traveljunkee. You should feel repulsed by him.

I fail to see how any man, who is only interested in his own pleasure during sex, can produce it of a 'mind-blowing' standard.
I can only wonder if you are inexperienced, and so it doesn't take much for it to seem good to you. Sex must be, or have been, pretty crap with your partner if this is the best you can do.
Your partner should be the person you get afftion from, not your shag on the side. If you don't get it from your partner, leVe him as there's no point to it.

He's using you as an unpaid prostitute. And you are letting him. This has to end, and end now.

PS I am confused when you say that the sex is "mind-blowing" and yet in the next sentence you say that he's completely selfish in bed and just does it for his own pleasure.

So you are having an affair with a guy who has been using you for sex for the past year and you want him to show you affection and love? Of course he isn't showing you love because he has no feelings for you. He is using you because you allow him to and he knows it.

You are no better. Get your fcking life in order and stop being a cheating liar.

I'm not even sure this is real but,

but now I think he is just using me for sex

Yes, of course he is. Its an affair 🙄

Yes it's the typical "using you for sex" behaviour. Tell him to fuck off how dare he! You need to get angry. Like think about it, how dare he treat you like that? Who the
F does he think he is!!?

"He does all these nice things for his girlfriend"
What like cheat on her?
I wouldn't be jealous of that. The poor woman. If it were me I'd want someone to tell me what a worthless disgusting piece of shit he is.

Mind blowing sex will not keep a man.

To him you are a free sex worker, this is not an affair.

There is no want to be together, no affection or growing bond/love.

He is using you for sex, that is all.

Do you really want this to be your life? Because you have the power to change it.

This feels like a karma situation....

Damn right, @Traveljunkee will you finally get a grip and take control of your life and destiny. Or will you let this loser of a man, who uses you take the little self respect you have and crap all over it. Neither partners deserve to be cheated on and after all this time you have some real making up to do.

It's the girlfriend I feel sorry for. Not much sympathy for anyone else.

Why does admin keep deleting comments that are true and make sense just because it's a bit harsh? So annoying

Why did George Mallory want to climb Mt Everest? “because it’s there.”

OP probably not happy with the honest replies. Her whole post is "oh woe is me". Not a thought for the girl whose boyfriend she's sleeping with.

Why is he using you? Because he’s a nasty piece of work, and he can.

Why do thrives break into houses? Because they’re nasty pieces of work, and they can.

please block him for your own good.

Theives!