Relationship advice

[Gemlarr]

Hi guys I started seeing a guy who has adhd and things were going really well. He's having a down period now of saying I'm no good for you, you deserve better then me I feel like I'd let you down. I said I'd give him some space to see how he feels but I hope to hear from him soon. I don't know what to do now do I leave it at that or do I try and reach out and reassure him? I don't want to lose this relationship please help thanks

There's a brilliant novel by Daisy Lafarge which helped me through the pattern of finding excuses for lovely guys
https://granta.com/products/paul/
I found it a light bright read even though it gets quite dark at times in subject matter.

The WHOLE THING about someone withdrawing like this is that you don’t get a say. He knows you will just try to persuade him to stay and be a normal partner, and he has no real desire / ability to do that.

Don’t take this as an invitation to chase him and try to heal his wounds - because the best that can come of that is a dynamic where he will keep withdrawing as a test to see how long you keep begging him to come back / accept help, and showing endless concern for his wellbeing. And when you eventually can’t do it anymore he’ll get nasty and say you’ve abandoned him just like everyone else and you never really cared, and possibly threaten self-harm etc.

Exactly. I have adhd, Im seeing someone with adhd. We do not do this stuff.
He just wants to end things and he is not man enough to just say that. Sorry op.