Hi name changed for this!
sorry it’s quite a long one!
so I have a partner and we have a child together. Things haven’t always been great between us but over time it has become better. So I thought. He hates mess and likes the house to be pristine at all times (he does no house work whatsoever) this is mainly how he grew up where the mums and sisters would always be cleaning and cooking and even when I visit them they rarely even sit down together as a family because the women need to serve the others.
I hate cleaning, I hate the fact that it’s all on me. I don’t mind doing the odd bits here and there but my child is young and I work part time too (30 hours a week) Anyway, a few months ago he said to me that he is leaving because he can’t stay like this and packed all of his stuff and went to find a room in shared accommodation. He found a place and said :” I’ll give you one last chance if you say to me you can keep the house nice I’ll stay” and gave me 5 minutes to decide.
I obviously wanted him to stay so said yes. It worked for a month but I was staying up late, getting stressed if I had to go out as I needed to clean and cook first. I had some annual leave and I didn’t do much just some light things and he hasn’t talked to me for almost 2 weeks. He’s just giving me the silent treatment. This is causing me so much stress, I don’t want to eat I can’t sleep, I keep waking up in the night, I’m having nightmares. On one of the days he lost the plot and started ignoring our child but then he snapped out of it and keeps saying horrible things to them about me. Like my child will say that’s your toast and this is mine, none for mummy (I wasn’t hungry) and he says back : “mummy doesn’t deserve toast” and he does realise his behaviour towards them was not good so he did say sorry (not to me).
I must say since he hasn’t been talking to me he has been getting himself food from the shop and cooking for himself only, then leaving the mess for me to clean. He does his own laundry and has been sleeping on the sofa.
Is it my fault ? I know I’m not the tidy person he wants me to be but I’m trying , I really am. I just don’t want to start the cleaning, and when I do clean it takes me a long time to do it. I sometimes cut corners like just sweep, don’t mop, don’t always hoover. There are dishes in the kitchen from yesterday but we did have guests and I had to drop them home, then when I got home my child was asleep so put her to bed then I was tired.
I grew up in a house that was always a mess and I have only learnt to do all of these things when I lived by myself from 18 (I met him at 19 I’m now mid 20’s) I just feel so down and ashamed that this could be the end of my relationship and break up of the family for what seems like to me, such a minor thing!
I’d appreciate some advice on what you think is the best thing to do. I don’t want him to leave and I’ve been looking at getting a cleaner but it’s going to put a major dent into my monthly budget as I pay all the bills and for food.