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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Do I say something?

58 replies

cattreetower · 18/09/2024 13:43

Hello, I'm looking for some advice and just a bit of comfort I guess. No one to talk to IRL.

I have just recently gotten back with my ex-boyfriend. I have found out that during our break, he’s slept with a woman who I was told to never worry about, and who is also married. Obviously I’m gutted but, my question is, would you tell the husband? I had a message written out to him last night but couldn’t bring myself to press send. She’s been sending my boyfriend topless pics and suggestive messages for years, which he’s always ignored, but succumbed to her earlier in the year (yep, the typical bloke he always told me he wasn’t!)🙄 I don’t know what to do. Please help!

OP posts:

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 22/09/2024 15:20

You have no business approaching her husband, that’s just spite.

what is your business is quite a sleazy BF who clearly wasn’t unhappy about receiving pics and attention from her. Bin him off.

Beautiful3 · 22/09/2024 15:21

He didn't do.it when you were together, so technically he did nothing wrong. However she is married, I would message her husband to let.him know. I would want to know if it were my husband 100 percent.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 22/09/2024 15:25

You were on a break, so what he does / did is none of your business ?
why you have got back with him is beyond me.

but it is not your business to inform the husband of something your boyfriend did whilst you were not in a relationship with him.

blackpooolrock · 22/09/2024 15:50

feels like he'd fuck anything that walks now

i believe most men are like this, find me one that wouldn't...

commonsense61 · 22/09/2024 17:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

candycane222 · 22/09/2024 20:33

Are you actually a "jealous person" - or do you often feel jealousy because your ex/not ex/soon to be ex again has a history of making you feel insecure?

Do drop the idea that you were "meant to be". If you don't feel safe, secure and confident in his love, that idea is another way of saying "I am meant to be in a relationship that doesn't make me feel good" That's not very nice really, is it?

Bored86 · 22/09/2024 21:47

Nobody randomly sends a bloke topless photos. Of course he was interested and most likely slept with her whilst you were together. Sorry for the tough love but you’re being very naive. Bin him then expose her!

AlwaysMumming · 26/09/2024 23:00

he could and should have stopped it from day one. Ask yourself why he didn’t.
if you found her messages, ask yourself why he hadn’t deleted them?

I'm sorry lovely, but if the trust isn’t there it won’t ever be, you know you deserve better. Even if it’s good sometimes, is it everything you want, need and deserve?

I would absolutely 100% tell the husband! Why this is ever a question I have no idea!? I would rather be told if I was being cheated on, rather than wasting years of my life with a shitty person! It’s not petty or spiteful, the guy needs to know!

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