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Original poster

What would you for?

50 replies

Lostsoul13136 · 17/09/2024 19:26

So my boyfriend of 11 years has a son who's 17 !! He's just been caught for child porn on his phone !! Iv a 17 year old daughter ( we live seprate and our children never see each other !! This is a deal breaker for me as my daughter comes first and I'll never put her at risk !! Should I end it ?? I will never feel safe now

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 17/09/2024 19:29

Obviously yes, dump him.

SleeplessInWherever · 17/09/2024 19:32

Caught by who? Because if it’s you, you need to report it.

And also yes, leave him.

rainsofcastamere · 17/09/2024 19:33

Lostsoul13136 · 17/09/2024 19:26

So my boyfriend of 11 years has a son who's 17 !! He's just been caught for child porn on his phone !! Iv a 17 year old daughter ( we live seprate and our children never see each other !! This is a deal breaker for me as my daughter comes first and I'll never put her at risk !! Should I end it ?? I will never feel safe now

The son of you boyfriend has been caught or your actual boyfriend?

TipsyJoker · 17/09/2024 19:34

Do you mean your partners just been caught or his 17 year old son? If you found it the. Def report it immediately and def end the relationship either way. You don’t want to be in any way associated with someone like that and you have to protect your own family. I hope they throw the book at him. Monster!

StrawberryWater · 17/09/2024 19:43

Has your bf been caught or his son?

Either way you should end it. Protect your child.

Original poster
Lostsoul13136 · 17/09/2024 19:45

His son at college

OP posts:
GutsyPoet · 17/09/2024 19:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Original poster
Lostsoul13136 · 17/09/2024 19:46

His son has been caught , something happened at his college..

OP posts:
Original poster
Lostsoul13136 · 17/09/2024 19:46

It was his son not him

OP posts:
Original poster
Lostsoul13136 · 17/09/2024 19:47

His son was caught at college

OP posts:
GutsyPoet · 17/09/2024 19:49

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Original poster
Lostsoul13136 · 17/09/2024 19:54

Yes he's been caught by the police and his phones away to be checked

OP posts:
GutsyPoet · 17/09/2024 19:57

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Original poster
Lostsoul13136 · 17/09/2024 20:03

They have had contact over the years I'm worried as his behaviour hasn't sat right with me there's a huge maturity difference..I'll decide for sure once police checks are final ..my child cokes first

OP posts:
Original poster
Lostsoul13136 · 17/09/2024 20:20

His son

OP posts:
Walkden · 17/09/2024 20:32

"will never feel safe now"

Earlier in the thread you said your respective children never have contact..your child is practically an adult and in seemingly no danger from your partner's son.

Obviously you will not want your partner's son staying over anyway and your boyfriend may not be willing to down his son so the relationship may be over anyway.

What has your boyfriends response been?

distractmeagain · 17/09/2024 20:40

Having gone through something very similar... there's a few things to consider. the hardest bit for me was the fact that, even though my DH was horrified by his sons actions, he still supported him.

I'm not sure why you will 'never feel safe"? although i understand you never wanting the boy in your house ever again, you say that your DD and DSS never ever see each other therefore why would you not feel safe?

Your BF is not repsonsible for his sons actions, so not sure why you feel the need to dump him? I agree it will bring issues, myself and DH spent endless hours arguing about the whole situation we found ourselves in and in the end I've stepped away, i have nothing to do with the SS, he is not allowed in our house and i will not have his name spoken. Any contact DH has with his son, he does it in a manner that does not affect my life or that of my DD's in anyway.

Original poster
Lostsoul13136 · 17/09/2024 20:42

He's raging and discusted with his son

OP posts:
Shmee1988 · 17/09/2024 20:46

Wow. This is an 11 year relationship, not an 11 month fling. Youve presumably been in this kids life since ce he was 6, do you have no bind with him at all? Imagine if your daughter did something illegal/stupid etc how would you feel if your partner dumped you because of it? It's not his fault.

Original poster
Lostsoul13136 · 17/09/2024 20:46

Thank you for that is so hard

OP posts:
distractmeagain · 17/09/2024 20:47

StrawberryWater · 17/09/2024 19:43

Has your bf been caught or his son?

Either way you should end it. Protect your child.

why? whats the rational behind this advice? BF is not responsible for his sons actions, and the son does not live or visit OP, thereofre there's no risk to OP's DD who is in fact 17 years old so not actually a child

Ethylred · 17/09/2024 20:49

OP, you are obviously very upset by this, and why ever not. But do not rush to a decision.

Original poster
Lostsoul13136 · 17/09/2024 20:51

Iv a son at 21 n if he had been showing child porn at college I would kill him , yeah love him !! Totally ..n totally make him accountable though !! Take your judgement elsewhere

OP posts:
Original poster
Lostsoul13136 · 17/09/2024 20:55

We have family Christmas stuff together n me myself was abused as a child by my friends dad ..I have anxiety and it's sent me through the roof so I'm sorry for the vague mess..it's not my bfs fault at all I know that

OP posts:
distractmeagain · 17/09/2024 20:59

OP please take these words kindly. Your BF is not his Son! i can understand why this has triggered you, but don't please make any rash decisions.

I assume your BF has not been told much and if i were you i would also assume that whatever son tells him, it will be just a scratch on the surface of whatever has been going on.

Take a minute to breath and compose yourself, try to listen to your BF without judgement, the last thing you need to be doing is 'telling' your BF that he needs to do this, that and the other.

You are safe, your daughter is safe and again your BF is not his Son, but if you need to take a step back, i'm sure your BF will be understanding. But consider him in this also. its his son, he will feel so much guilt as a parent and feel responsible and you need to assure him that this is not his fault.