What would you for?

[Lostsoul13136]

So my boyfriend of 11 years has a son who's 17 !! He's just been caught for child porn on his phone !! Iv a 17 year old daughter ( we live seprate and our children never see each other !! This is a deal breaker for me as my daughter comes first and I'll never put her at risk !! Should I end it ?? I will never feel safe now

Thank you I needed to hear that ❤️

Thank you best response xx

Twat

Yes. Of course.

“you need to assure him that this is not his fault”
how can you be so sure?

FYI, it’s not child porn, it’s child sexual abuse images.

It's not child porn , it's images of child sexual abuse.

If it was his son I don't see how you can be so unsupportive as to leave him. That's not love.

It depends on his attitude/ opinion on the matter also.

Could it be that there's a dirty video of him and his 15 year old ex and its classed as child porn as she is underage? Because that would be a world apart from other stuff.

Tbf though I probably still wouldn't want him around my kid.

Bit then, why would he be?
He's practically grown and so is your child. So I don't see why it affects your relationship.

oh for goodness sake, i know it wouldnt be long before someone appeared on the post to start putting vile seeds of doubt into the OP's mind!

i'm fairly sure that if son has been caught with something he should not have, the very first thing he will have said is 'but dad showed it to me!' and given that sons phone has been taken, everyone involved will have had a visit by the police by now to seize devices..

sometimes, especially when someone has already mentioned they are 'trigged' because of past trauma its best to keep some thoughts in our heads rather than voice them out loud!

Sorry I thought you meant your partner. In that case don't dump him. Stay clear of his son tho.

The reality of the situation is that if the son has committed a crime of this kind, people will find out and if the OP stays with the father of the boy, she will be vilified too. Guilty by association. People are horrible but that’s the way the world works. You have to consider these things and how it will affect your own life and that of your own children. People will say things like, “how could she stay and support them after he did that?” And whilst she is perfectly innocent, it’s a very real possibility that this sort of thing could happen.

i am in this situation right now.. SS has done something bad and is serving his time, but the one thing i cannot do is tel DH its me or your son! we've had very long chats and even arguements over the situation, and although DH is 'supporting' his son, he absolutely is disgusted by his behaviour. until you are actually in this kind of situation you simply cannot comment! its all well and good saying what you would do, but when it comes too it, reality is a different story. OP and her partner are not responsible for his sons actions and only very narrow minded people would say any of what you suggest. we are now 3 years down the line.. SS is in prison and we have not had one person come to our door and accuse DH by assocaition. (i do not support SS, i will not have his name spoken in this house and will not facilitate anything, but accept that no matter what he has done, its DH's son!)

What’s “vile” here are images of child sexual abuse.

You have no idea what led to this 17 year old having these images on his phone. Without knowing all the relevant facts there is no way anyone can reassure his father that he bears no (direct or indirect) responsibility for this situation.

Throwing the book at him won't mean much if the Huw Edwards thread on here is anything to go by.

correct. but don't you think you would want a proper conversation with your partner first.. i would imagine after 11 years, although its not impossible, but after 11 years the OP would have a pretty good idea about her partner and his likes and dislikes.

we have no idea what the content is of the 17 year olds phone, we do not know the cirumstances surrounding how the content got there.. was it his or did someone send it to him and he then sent it to someone else?

its impossible to say but based on what the OP has said.. i think LTB is probably way down on the list of priorities just now don't you!

not all men are vile, not all men do bad things.. some women do them too... sometimes you have to take things on face value.

obviously if the OP comes back and says that the son was only sharing what his dad had shared.. or encouraged then its a different story but so far thats not happened has it.

as i've said many times over now, until you yourself are in that situation its very easy to blame blame blame... trust me.. living this nightmare is no fun for anyone.

OP ended her first post with
“Should I end it ?? I will never feel safe now”

I wouldn’t say “LTB” but based on her last statement “I will never feel safe now” I couldn’t advise her to stay where she doesn’t feel safe.

Your daughter is the same age as him. She’s too old to be of any interest.

I wouldn’t dump my innocent boyfriend but I would ensure the children never met and all contact stopped immediately.

and many people have asked the OP why she will never feel safe? don't you think such a statement is a little 'extra'. what does she not feel safe about? she has no contact with her partners son, her daughter has no contact with her partners son.. i don't understand why the OP does not feel safe... unless there is a massive drip feed coming.. the statement seems like an over reaction don't you think?

unless of course the OP wants an out! they've been together 11 years, not married not living together, her child and his child don't really know each other after 11 years which is a little odd i guess..

I never said anything about what she should do nor did I say anyone would, “come to her door” or say it to her face. Im not saying it’s what I’d think but I am 100% certain that it is what other people would think. Maybe people aren’t saying it to your face but they’re thinking it. Have you ever stood outside a school gate amongst the bitchy mums? I’m not condoning it and I’m not saying it’s right but it’s a fact that it’s what people will say, whether you want to hear it or not. People love to talk, bitch and gossip. Especially so if it’s something shocking where they can feel morally superior. It’s something to consider. People don’t know or care how you feel about it, all they see if the DH supporting and they see them supporting a sexual deviant and predator of the worst kind. They will judge.

what gives you the right to decide how op should feel about this and that her not feeling safe is an overreaction? That’s right, none! I think this thread has touched a raw nerve for you and has blinded your responses. Maybe be a little less judgemental of op, who is innocent in all of this and in shock, and be more supportive, especially as you have lived experience of having a sexual predator for a step child.

I cannot bear these threads full of lies about your child coming first. She doesn’t, or you’d have ended the relationship immediately. End it now. Your partner will need to support his son. You already had misgivings about him. Make putting your child first a true statement by acting on it .

It is not child porn, it's child abuse.
I doubt you or your adult DD are at risk, it's hardly your DP who is at fault here.

living... living with the experience of having a sexual predator for a step child! until you are in the situation you cannot give advice on what the OP should or should not do, but i feel i am better placed than most. But typical MN the OP needs to leave this man because his son is being investigated... and what happens three years down the line when (if) son is exhonourated of any wrong doing? does OP go back to her partner and say 'oopsie' .

pretty much most of the PP are saying the same as me.. OP and her DD do not appear at risk of anything.. i'm not really sure where my judgement comes into it?

but have it your own way.. as usual on these threads there's always 1 or 2 with their own agenda

You would think having lived experience you’d be a little less judgemental and have more empathy for OP, rather than saying she’s over reacting. That’s my point. I have zero agenda. Just because I don’t agree with you doesn’t make me have some kind of agenda. I’d love for you to explain to me what exactly you think this agenda could actually be because I fail to see how my stance would benefit me or my life in any way whatsoever. I never told op to leave her DH either. I simply stated that people will talk, which they will and that, that is something she has to take into consideration when deciding what she’s going to do. If the situation is triggering for her due to her own trauma then she has to consider how she’s going to deal with the situation, to protect herself and her own mental health. Ultimately, she has to prioritise that as she has responsibility for her own child. You have no right to tell her how she should feel. None. You’re clearly very touchy about the subject because of what you’re going through yourself but you have chosen to stay with your DH and that’s why it’s so difficult for you. That’s your choice and I wish you all the best with it but don’t accuse me of having an agenda because I made a statement you don’t like. Direct your anger at the one who’s put you in this situation, not me. Misdirected anger is what’s happening here.