Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband is a serial liar

30 replies

zaraenes · 17/09/2024 15:37

How do I have a conversation with my husband who is a serial liar.

We've been married 2.5 years. Last year I caught him talking to a girl on the phone, was arranging a meet up. Confronted him and he admitted it at the time and said sorry will not happen again.

I caught him again 2 months ago talking to another girl. Then I checked his Snapchat and saw he was talking to 10 to 15 girls! I was shocked but had a gut feeling.

He denies anything I ever say, he says it's all innocent chat but I'm sorry.. asking girls for pictures is not on. He's even sent money to some of them.

He said he's just made 1 mistake (the girl he got caught talking to 2 months ago), and he says it wasn't even a big mistake. He also now denies doing the first thing 1 year ago or talking to other girls when I have clear EVIDENCE. He constantly says I'm doing this on purpose and I want to end the relationship - I REALLY DONT. He just plain lies about everything, not just this. He'll lie about his family situations and I find out the truth from outsiders, when I confront him he'll just say they don't know the truth when I know the actual truth.

We had a baby 4 months ago and I thought he'd have matured but nope. I chucked him out 2 months ago but he wants to reconcile but I know deep down he's still talking to girls. I don't understand the point of it, he seems to just be doing it for fun and not something serious.

A part of me wants him back because I don't want my poor baby to grow up without a dad but I also don't want him back and constantly thinking who's he talking to (or even meeting)because I do think he has a problem and is just addicted to talking to other girls.

Any advice ?!

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 17/09/2024 15:39

Your baby is better off growing up without a dad like him.
Stick to your guns and don't let him back.

Suzuki70 · 17/09/2024 15:41

You have a conversation that starts with "I am divorcing you". You can't spend the next 40 years wondering if he's shagging someone else.

AutumnFroglets · 17/09/2024 15:43

A part of me wants him back because I don't want my poor baby to grow up without a dad
Why would you want to foist a liar on to a poor child who doesn't understand lies? Why do you want your child to grow up confused, manipulated and gaslit?

Sometimes having no dad is a hell of a lot better than a crap dad. Yours is worse than a crap dad. Ask yourself why you want an abusive manipulator in her life, then work on your boundaries and expectations. You both deserve more Flowers

Neverstophoping · 17/09/2024 15:43

I think the saddest bit is that you think he is doing this for fun! How little must you think he regards you and his new baby if having fun with other women is more important than you and his child.

If you take him back this is your future: him cheating on you constantly.

Your child and you are much better off without him

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 17/09/2024 15:45

He's a serial cheater. There is no such thing as an addiction to talking to other girls it's what cheating, lying scumbags say to get you to feel sorry for them and put up with their cheating, lying scumbag behaviour.

Is that the father you want your child to have as a role model? To grow up accepting that this is how men should treat their wives?

CanYouHearThatNoise · 17/09/2024 15:45

He's selfish, immature and disrespectful. He wants to go off and have a single life, shagging other women. Let him go and do that. He's a crap husband and will be useless as a father.

whymewhyme · 17/09/2024 15:45

Fuck him off, you will be fine!

GarrynotsoGorilla · 17/09/2024 15:49

Talk to him, ask him why he feels it is ok to do this to you, to lie and be so bad towards you. Give him the chance to reflect. Then tell him to get out and sort himself out. Your child is young, you can't live like that always wondering and not have that affect you and the child negatively. Not if he is that bad. Let him learn he needs to change, be a good Dad to his child. You will find what you deserve elsewhere.

Original poster
zaraenes · 17/09/2024 15:57

Well I definitely needed them responses! You are all right - he doesn’t deserve me or my baby. He pretends to care so much about us. He even says I’m keeping him away from his baby - turning it on !! The cheek of it

OP posts:
Original poster
zaraenes · 17/09/2024 15:58

GarrynotsoGorilla · 17/09/2024 15:49

Talk to him, ask him why he feels it is ok to do this to you, to lie and be so bad towards you. Give him the chance to reflect. Then tell him to get out and sort himself out. Your child is young, you can't live like that always wondering and not have that affect you and the child negatively. Not if he is that bad. Let him learn he needs to change, be a good Dad to his child. You will find what you deserve elsewhere.

I have asked him but he'll just say it's nothing and I'm human I made a mistake it won't happen again but I KNOW in my heart that he can't change.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 17/09/2024 16:01

zaraenes · 17/09/2024 15:58

I have asked him but he'll just say it's nothing and I'm human I made a mistake it won't happen again but I KNOW in my heart that he can't change.

Show quote history

No, he'll never change. I wouldn't even bother talking to him.

You and your baby deserve better.

I have a feeling that once you're divorced he won't even see his child. He sounds like the kind who'd put his own needs first every single time.

GarrynotsoGorilla · 17/09/2024 16:02

zaraenes · 17/09/2024 15:58

I have asked him but he'll just say it's nothing and I'm human I made a mistake it won't happen again but I KNOW in my heart that he can't change.

Show quote history

If you know he can't change then i think, however much you might not like the answer you know what you need to do. Don't waste your life if he doesn't even understand that his behaviour is wrong. Be strong for yourself and your child.

ImNotYourMonstera · 17/09/2024 16:02

Why would your kid be without a dad? He will still have to parent despite having been dumped. Keep him in the bin where he belongs, he's not worth one moments thought.

AdviceNeeded2024 · 17/09/2024 16:09

He won’t change. Leave. You’ll constantly be paranoid. He’s obviously seeking some validation and is likely addicted to getting it.

He’s also sending your child’s money to random girls online. This should make you mad enough!

You deserve better.

jannier · 17/09/2024 16:09

zaraenes · 17/09/2024 15:58

I have asked him but he'll just say it's nothing and I'm human I made a mistake it won't happen again but I KNOW in my heart that he can't change.

Show quote history

My reply "you said that the first and the second time I've seen your snap chat no more chances, end of"

TwistedWonder · 17/09/2024 17:13

He’s a lying scumbag and I would bet that he’s done more than chat to some of these women ,

And the money he’s sent to random girls should be for you and your child.

Get out now and try and find a way to amicably co parent but ditch this waste of space and enjoy a life not in constant doubt.

Original poster
zaraenes · 17/09/2024 17:59

Thanks all for your responses and reassurance that I don't need him. I really don't! He needs me .. I didn't mention this above but he's from abroad (Pakistan) and I brought him over on a spousal visa. He would need me to get permanent stay after 10 years but I don't want to be a means of him staying in the UK.. but also thinking about my baby and how she would hardly see her father. You are all right that she would be better off without him but I'm scared later on in life she would think I took that chance from him. I'm also scared of him later manipulating her and he's never going to be truthful and what if he turns her against me!?!

I'd like to think my daughter will be a lot smarter than to fall for his lies but when he can be extremely manipulative.

Someone said something about validation and I do think he does it for validation. I'm an accountant and have a very good job, he on the other hand works in a warehouse (nothing wrong with this) doesn't speak great English, but I think he deep down doesn't see himself not good enough for me and I've never really put him on a pedal stool or highly respected, but I believe this should be deserved, not solely because you're my husband! Maybe these girls he's sending money to pretend to really like him and give him what he wants in terms of lovey dovey words to make him happy.
Well they can have him, he is a piece of shit that didn't deserve me to begin with!

OP posts:
Crosswhatdoyouthink · 17/09/2024 18:01

TheShellBeach · 17/09/2024 15:39

Your baby is better off growing up without a dad like him.
Stick to your guns and don't let him back.

In a nutshell!

HappyNannie · 17/09/2024 18:22

Get rid now, do you have a relationship with his mother or father? Tell them-her that you're divorcing him and these are the reasons why. He is never going to change the red flags are all over this marriage and you deserve better

jannier · 17/09/2024 19:25

Your daughter will benefit from seeing women are worth more than he's giving you....basically it sounds like your his passport. There are no feelings behind it, he values you no more than the snap chat girls a commodity.

EmeraldDreams73 · 17/09/2024 19:27

AutumnFroglets · 17/09/2024 15:43

A part of me wants him back because I don't want my poor baby to grow up without a dad
Why would you want to foist a liar on to a poor child who doesn't understand lies? Why do you want your child to grow up confused, manipulated and gaslit?

Sometimes having no dad is a hell of a lot better than a crap dad. Yours is worse than a crap dad. Ask yourself why you want an abusive manipulator in her life, then work on your boundaries and expectations. You both deserve more Flowers

This. Every word.

TillyKister · 17/09/2024 20:31

OP don't bother trying to talk to him, it'll be nothing you've said before.

You'll also only get the same bullshit back from him... It's a pointless and unworkable situation. He's a liar, and a cheat, and he's never going to change.

I'd be surprised if it's only been chatting with all of these girls, you have no idea what he's been up to behind your back.

You say you've recently had a baby, so there's been unprotected sex between you. You have no idea what he's been up to and who with.

How can you raise a child with such a loser? It's hard enough being a new mum and a parent in general! Without all of this with him and his lies and cheating

You raise your child, and leave him to his cheating, don't let him drag you down, your baby needs you.

Original poster
zaraenes · 17/09/2024 22:05

TillyKister · 17/09/2024 20:31

OP don't bother trying to talk to him, it'll be nothing you've said before.

You'll also only get the same bullshit back from him... It's a pointless and unworkable situation. He's a liar, and a cheat, and he's never going to change.

I'd be surprised if it's only been chatting with all of these girls, you have no idea what he's been up to behind your back.

You say you've recently had a baby, so there's been unprotected sex between you. You have no idea what he's been up to and who with.

How can you raise a child with such a loser? It's hard enough being a new mum and a parent in general! Without all of this with him and his lies and cheating

You raise your child, and leave him to his cheating, don't let him drag you down, your baby needs you.

Everything you said is spot on.

It's been difficult looking after my little one as she's a really fussy baby so needs attention all the time.. and I know whilst I've been struggling with her, he's probably been with other girls. Argh it's so annoying but I strongly believe that he will get what's coming to him. One day he will regret what he's done to me it's just really frustrating right now.

He's emotionally exhausted me and I just want to focus on the good in life. I wish I could just turn my feelings off, I know deserve better but just feel so used!

OP posts:
Original poster
zaraenes · 17/09/2024 22:06

jannier · 17/09/2024 19:25

Your daughter will benefit from seeing women are worth more than he's giving you....basically it sounds like your his passport. There are no feelings behind it, he values you no more than the snap chat girls a commodity.

Agreed. I just hate that he's made me feel like I'm nothing, when in fact he's the one who's worthless.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 17/09/2024 22:07

Your baby has a dad. That does not change.
You do not have to live with this dad. Not if your relationship is rubbish.