I've posted this on the sex topic but hoping to get more responses here.
I have been seeing a man for about 10 months now, and I would like to take the relationship further but there are issues surrounding sex and I don't know how to approach them.
When we first started sleeping together, he was always unable to finish inside of me and would ask for oral or use his hand to finish himself off, which I initially put down to nerves as he had been single for a long time. He has finished inside of me maybe 4 times in ten months. As time went on, he is now also unable to finish via oral or my hand, and uses his own hand to finish, and occasionally this doesn't work either. In the last month or so, he has been unable to stay hard during oral or piv sex. When this happens, he does not want to talk about it and still tries to continue with having sex whilst soft which is awkward and frustrating.
When I broach this with him, all he says is that it's not me.
He says he is attracted to me, and more often than not it's him who initiates sex but it's really having an effect on my self esteem. We are both mid thirties, in good physical health but both take antidepressants. I am so worried that this is because of how my body looks and feels, I have a csection overhang, have breastfed 3 children and have had multiple vaginal births too. None of his previous partners have had children.
I'm aware this is likely his own issue, but how do I overcome this as I'd really like to be with him, but the feelings of feeling not good enough every time we have sex is a lot to deal with. I think about it most of the day even when at work.