Women's opinion: engagement ring

[ThirtySomethingDad]

I really wasn't sure which topic to post this under! I hope I'm close enough!

What do women feel about being given an engagement ring set with a lab grown diamond?

There seems to be a lot of snobbery about this, with some people even calling them fake diamonds, which they're just not - they're structurally and chemically identical and if you get a top quality lab diamond, you need special equipment to tell them apart! Seems to me that all you're paying extra for is the length of time it took to make. But I'm a man, what do I know?!

I can afford a natural diamond but my partner isn't remotely materialistic.

What would be your personal feelings?

I wouldn't care what anyone thinks and who would know?

Propose with a stunt ring (cheapie from Claire’s or similar) and let her choose the real ring herself.

I'd be happy with a lab grown diamond - like you said, it's structurally identical and you can get one with no flaws, for much less than a natural diamond would cost. It's a no brainier for me.
But I do also think a woman should choose her own ring, since she'll be (hopefully) wearing it forever.

my partner isn't remotely materialistic

Will she even want a diamond then? What does she wear day-to-day? Has she ever seen anything and loved it?

I'd go on the day trip to Brighton, take her to the Lanes, causally walk past a load of jewelry shops and she what she likes.

Or as PP said, a stunt ring. We can tell you what 'women' like because we're all individuals.

I would agree with this. Every woman has different taste in jewellery. I don't like diamonds, whether natural or lab-grown, but didn't feel able to tell my (now ex) DP I didn't like the ring he had picked.

You might find this recent thread interesting reading: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5162382-i-dont-like-my-engagement-ring-pic?page=1

Yes, this. There was a whole thread on lab diamonds recently. I think the general mood has shifted towards “they’re ethically far better, mineralogically identical, and you get far more for your money.” But though that’s an increasingly common view, it’s definitely not universal.
I think it’s a lovely thing to choose together. Propose with a stunt ring, and go shopping. Do some research first with suggestions if you like? (Would show you’ve put lots of thought into it).

Honestly let her choose, within budget. She might not even want a diamond, a lot of engagement rings now are more varied in the stone. It’s good she’s not materialistic, I’m sure she will find something she will love, but key thing is the marriage.

I don’t even wear my ring most days, if I could turn back time I’d spend less/not buy it all. It was a really happy day, great to show it off in the first few weeks but after that, I’m not a jewelry person so it on the bedside table.

Honestly didn’t know there was such a thing as a lab grown diamond! Not all women like diamonds and it probably wouldn’t be my first choice lab grown or otherwise. So I guess it depends on the woman.

Why are you going to propose to this woman?
In your other thread you were saying that she isn't keen on having sex with you.

I messed up the link - this is the thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5162382-i-dont-like-my-engagement-ring-pic?page=1

Let her choose her own ring. She’s the one who will be wearing it.

On lab grown diamonds, 20 years ago I would have thought of them as fake. Now I know a bit more about the (un)ethical side of diamond mining, I would prefer lab grown.

Propose with a Haribo ring or the ring pull off a can of Fanta, Then, asduming she says yes, talk to her about what, if any, ring she would like. I’m married and don’t have one. I wear a heavy silver ring DH bought me about ten years before we got married.

Perhaps she prefers sapphires or emeralds and not diamonds for an engagement ring?

I agree with pp, let her choose the ring since she will be the one wearing and looking at it for decades, not you.

I'd prefer a lab grown diamond if I were to have one. Far more ethical. I do secretly side eye people who are snobs about diamonds, because all that says to me about them is that they're thick enough to have been taken in by the marketing of the diamond industry, giving false value to something that has so much bloodshed in its production.

Personally I’d go with what it looks like and only that, but I’m not sure that I see any sense in engagement rings these days.

When I got engaged I chose my own ring. I had a very snobby friend who was mortified that I'd chosen white gold rather than platinum. I just fell in love with the ring which had lots of (cheapish!) diamonds and was £350 in the sale. To get the same style in platinum would have set us back about £2500 back then and I just couldn't see the sense in spending that much when I loved the cheaper one anyway.
If I were to ever get engaged again I would definitely prefer to choose my own ring or at least drop my partner lots and lots of hints about my preferred style. As others have suggested, she might prefer a stone other than diamonds too. I'd love a sapphire or emerald and I wear a lot of blue and green clothes so it would match!
And to answer your question, I'd be more than happy with a lab grown stone.

We went to the jewellers together. I fell in love with a vintage diamond ring which was much cheaper. I've been a fan of vintage jewellery ever since

Let her choose, if you don’t know for sure. Pick a nice ‘placeholder’ ring, and propose with that. My DH picked a beautiful handmade gold band, had it engraved with something that means so much to me.
For what it’s worth I didn’t want a lab grown diamond because I wanted an old ring.

Thing is "women" aren't all the same.

Personally, it wouldn't make any difference to me, and, in truth, I probably wouldn't even know. I also suspect no-one else would know when they ay the ring.

One thing I would say is, when I got engaged many moons ago, I wanted to choose my own ring, not pretend to be delighted with something dh chose.
Same for all the close family members who have got engaged in the last few years - they all wanted to choose the ring themselves.

I’d have a lab diamond. They look great. The problem with them though is that they are usually identifiable by the size.

A lab stone will often be more than 90% cheaper than its mined equivalent. If your mined budget is 1 carat buying a 5 carat for even less will raise eyebrows. A friend of mine has upgraded her half carat ring for a very white, high quality 4ct. She hasn’t said and no one has asked but the assumption is that it’s lab because that kind of stone would cost a huge amount and they don’t have that kind of money.

I think you have to try to stay near to the size of the mined diamond you can afford.
On the other hand you can ignore what anyone thinks and just enjoy the huge saving.

As an aside, the manufacturing process is very harmful to the environment. In that respect they aren’t ethical at all.

Lab grown are more ethical, so it’s a yes from me. I’d do the stunt ring thing though - it’s a big purchase and nice to choose together.

Also, they have no resale value. If you ever need to cash in it will be worthless. A diamond will always have value.

I would always go for something vintage. This is a terrible situation.

I’ve got a tennis bracelet that’s lab grown diamonds. It’s gorgeous.

I’d prefer lab grown if I had a choice.