Major red flag??????

[beauty45]

Hello... I've been seeing a new man , well for over a year now....
I have 2 teen daughters who spend time with friends / their dads / my mum etc when they aren't with me.

Anyway... I stayed at my boyfriends the other weekend when the girls were staying at my mums...

Sunday came and it was time for me to leave & fetch them from my mums (40 min drive) he hugged me and said can't you just abandon them and leave them with your mum? In a jokey voice but I've gone off him since.

You wouldn't say this even as a joke would you??????
My girls are my heart & soul it just rang alarm bells for me.

He has no kids x

Whoa….many a true word spoken in jest!

Yes I would say it. Probably. Maybe. Anyway you are definitely reading too much into this.

If it's just a one-off daft comment and he meant he had such a good time with you at the weekend etc . . maybe not so bad.
If it becomes a theme then that's a different matter!

I don't think it's a red flag on its own.

Has he met them? Does he seem committed to becoming a family man

It just means that he was joking and didn’t want to let you go 🙂 Nothing to worry about

I’d take it as a jokey comment that he didn’t want you to go. Unless it’s a pattern of behaviour if there’s other concerns, I wouldn’t see it as a red flag just a clumsy joke

So ridiculous it was obviously in jest .. say the same thing to my DH often !!

"Let's just run away to Rio -and leave them to it " ... after some lovely together time.. neither of us would ever do it .. our (separate) kids are our world.

Yeah pretty crappy joke and USUALLY it's a joke when something like that is said but it's normally with someone who knows u all well, and I guess he didn't mean it at all and was trying to say how much he like u and wants u to be with him.....But.
If it's managed to put u off him so easily then maybe something is telling u something.
He has no kids so may just not be aware if how ur life revolves around them just now and just doesn't know u well enough either.
Speak to him. Tell him how it made u feel and make sure he realises that the kids are number 1.

Are there other signs he wants to distance yoruself from the kids? If there are, then it's time to throw him back - quickly.

if it's a one-off and he's involved and committed in the kids' life too then it's just a joke. My partner and I joke about it too, and he's great with the kids - actively chooses to spend time with 'em.

Just sounds lighthearted to me, he obviously just wanted you to stay longer. Unless you have reason to believe otherwise and he's made similar comments in the past l dont think you have anything to worry about.

I think he’s just joking. He didnt want you to have to leave.

I would have taken it as a joke. Have you honestly never joked about something similar, like sending them back to school in the middle of the school holidays?

It was a joke and meant in a context of not wanting you to go because you had such a good time. If this is major red flag for you then good luck finding someone without red flags.

Definitely a joke - enjoyed the time with you and doesn't want you to go.

Sounds very much like a joke because he didn't want you to leave . It's fine if you didn't like it as that is up to you, but I would not be upset by this personally

Mans humor,
His way to say he likes spending time with you.
Hopefully he accepts you are a parent as well. ( some do not like to share).

On its own I wouldn’t be concerned.

I'd see it as a joke, unless you have other reasons to worry.

I think if it's put you off, then there's probably more to it than just this "joke".

Maybe there's an underlying feeling that this has crystallised for you?

I would sit with it for a bit.

I don't see that as a red flag, it just seems to mean he enjoys spending time with you and misses you when he doesn't. DH and I will often joke let's just piss off somewhere this weekend and leave the kids a note, doesn't mean we'd actually do it.
Also remember that just because they're your heart and soul, they won't be his. And that's fine.

A joke in a year’s relationship and you think it’s a red flag that warrants that many question marks. It wouldn’t bother me but you’ve gone off him so it really doesn’t matter. Move on but make sure any future relationships know not to have a sense of humour.

I would sit with it for a while.
I had one who jokingly didn't want me to take my brother for his daily radiotherapy for cancer. 'Can't someone else do it?' The jokes became strops. He became history.

As a once off, I wouldn't see this as a red flag but just a joke. As PP have said, many of us have made similar jokes about our own children.

the instant ick though suggests that maybe this has been a subtle theme for a while and it feels like more than a joke?

This.