Husband keeps making digs about my weight

[Whackavole]

I’m just about at the end of my rope tonight with husband’s comments about my weight. I’m 20 weeks pregnant for context.

He’s had a few drinks today after not drinking for a while (health kick) and he was being mildly tipsy and annoying, plus I’m pregnant and hormonal and I said “what happened to your new lifestyle?” and he snapped back “well you’re not one to talk about healthy lifestyle” and I’m absolutely furious. This isn’t the first time he’s made comments along the lines of “wow you’re getting massive” “careful not to stack the weight on” and other thinly veiled digs since I’ve been pregnant. There was some of this before I got pregnant as well, and once in an argument he outright called me fat, which he later apologised for and it hasn’t been that blatant since.

Since I know it will be asked 😂 he is pretty good looking and fit himself, although doesn’t have the six pack he did when we met. I’m about the same as when we met (aside from the pregnancy) at a size 14. We eat a pretty healthy diet with plenty of fruit and veg, however I’ve been eating more in quantity and first trimester was pretty unhealthy due to morning sickness.

He’s a good husband in all other ways and there’s no other signs of nasty behaviour or comments.

I’m just so hurt and fed up with it and I don’t know how to fix it or what to do next. We have our 20 week scan tomorrow and I feel like I don’t want him to come as I don’t want to have to get my belly out which I think repulses him :(. Any advice welcome.

That's awful. You're literally pregnant so what does he expect?? You could try and have a conversation with him and see how he reacts.

Thanks, I have tried and he doesn’t seem to understand that it’s offensive and making me sad.

What an unpleasant man. You’re pregnant. He’s spiteful.

Have you told him his attitude is making you not want him at the scan?

Why are you having a baby with a man who body shames you?

I haven’t because I don’t want him to think I’m being vindictive/controlling and stopping him from being there at such a special moment just to be spiteful in retaliation. I know he’d be very sad not to be there.

If he loved you unconditionally he wouldn't ever call you names or say nasty comments .
It's obviously his way of making you feel bad about yourself .
Who does that to the person carrying his child!
A poor excuse for a man !
You could tell him under no circumstances is he to call you names or make sly comments about appearance. That a real partner would not do that .

I am asking myself the same question tbh. I thought he’d have an appreciation for my pregnant body and sometimes he does rub my belly and call me beautiful but I just have the feeling the underlying “concerns” about my weight are still there.

I take it this is your first child?

He sounds a very ignorant and unpleasant man. I use the term " man" loosely because he is behaving like an immature juvenile who knows nothing about pregnancy.

The problem is he is not going to turn into a supportive and understanding partner. He is showing you what his priorities are. He is showing you who he is.

Yes both of our first.

He’s attentive and support in all other ways, completely runs round after me and has taken on all the housework etc without complaint whilst I’ve been feeling ill, I can’t fault him on that. I just constantly feel my body isn’t good enough and the pressure I feel to lose the weight once I’ve had the baby is immense.

They say men have low to no empathy except for themselves. I say turn it around on to him and start criticising something physical he’s really proud of about himself. When he starts acting butt hurt, explain to him that’s how he makes you feel.

Of course he'll probably just say ‘that’s different’ like most hypocrites, his reaction will tell you a lot.

I can suggest one way to lose a huge amount of weight literally instantly...

Unless he has a body like Ryan Reynolds, I'd tell him to get stuffed, and then retreat to the spare bedroom.

Stop doing any washing, shopping, cooking, admin etc for him. If he's such a god, he'll be able to do it himself.

In fact, even if he IS built like Ryan Reynolds, I would still do this. He needs to wind his neck in and apologise.

He’s sounds awful. You should say to him that you’re unsure if you want him at the scan tomorrow because your bare tummy, which is so repulsive to him, will be on show. Tell him he doesn’t have to come with you.

Firstly you sound fine to me just wanted to say that before i say what i say next

As he is so concerned about your weight he will obvs be doing most of the night feeds and immediately taking the baby off your hands when he comes home from work so you can go out and excersise after the pregnancy is over Cos im sooooooo sure hes not one of those men who thinks the baby weight will come off by osmosis or the power of prayer while you are looking after the baby with no input from him 🤔

@Whackavole Pregnancy is hard enough without feeling your partner is unsupportive of the changes your body is going through. Especially as you might take a hot minute to bounce back post baby too.

He's lost his 6 pack, sure he'd not be happy if you mention that.

He is showing you that he's not a good husband if you don't meet his shallow trophy standards. Let alone he dropped off his health kick just when you can't drink. Selfish ass.

I said “what happened to your new lifestyle?” and he snapped back “well you’re not one to talk about healthy lifestyle”

Sounds like you started the unpleasant comments.

In my experience it gets worse unless you can nip it in the bud now. I never forget my exH telling me how disappointed he was I hadn't made any effort to lose my baby weight when our daughter was only 8wks or my sons father referring to me as "Lumpy" in front of his family. Our bodies do change when we give birth and life changes too where weight doesn't become your first priority in the short term. I think I would try to talk to him about this at the right time (ie not now)

I would come to the point and tell him he's making you unhappy by keep bringing it up and he's coming over as only interested in ' your image' being up to his standards - rather than your health and welfare and that you would like a change in attitude and an apology

How is his parents attitude towards weight?

I hope that he doesn’t do this to your child.

Confront him about this right away and set clear boundaries. Most cases of domestic abuse starts during the first pregnancy... (which always starts as emotional abuse).
Name calling and body shaming is emotional abuse, whether you're able to see it as that yet, or not...

I would make it very clear that you don’t want him there because of his comments. If he wants to be there, the comments stop.

If they continue later, I’d tell your midwife. Hopefully she’ll put him in his place.

Also, my ex took on all the extra responsibility of cooking/cleaning when I was sick during pregnancy, but he also started to become abusive with escalated as the pregnancy went on and even more after birth. But I still made excuses because of all the other things he done to help out around the home during pregnancy. Put a stop to this before it escalates any further...

No.
A big, fat NO.
Full stop.
Unbelievable.

What a prick