I think it is incredibly sad that you feel self conscious about revealing your pregnant tummy for an ultrasound scan in front of your husband.
It's totally totally off/not right.
Also feeling, while you go through the pregnancy, aware of being assessed & critiqued fur how much weight you put on ....and that you'll be put under pressure to lose weight after the birth. Not right.
This is the gratitude and consideration that you get for growing, carrying and birthing his child, eh.
Pregnancy should be a time when you're focused on the health and well being of you and the growing baby. Physical and mental health.
It's not a time for weight watching.
(Unless a medical professional is concerned for some reason of course).
A lot of women bloat/get puffy during pregnancy - even slender women. It's what happens. Are you going to be criticised for that too.
After a birth, it takes quite a while for your abdomen etc to return to its original shape. But aside from that, post birth is, again, a time when you are focussed on yourself (recovering from the birth) and your baby's health and well being. Just feeding, winding, dealing with colic, making sure the baby is gaining weight, dealing with sleep deprivation etc can be incredibly incredibly demanding. Your focus is on the baby, and any focus on yourself should be about your mental health (even if you're lucky enough not to get pnd).
The dynamic in your relationship sounds incompatible with this.
A man watching through a pregnancy to see how much weight a pregnant woman puts on, and her feeling self conscious about it.
A man focusing on weight loss soon after the birth, when the first year can be an absolute shit show ....
Just NO.
It is obviously horse, stable door to say this, but you should not have stayed with him and "moved on" fron it when he called you fat. Now you're pregnant by him and feeling like this ... It sounds justifiably.... When your focus should not be on your weight.
From an entirely pragmatic/realistic point of view - saying nothing about his views - he, likewise, should not actually have continued in a relationship with, and made the huge step of bringing a child into the world with a woman whose weight/figure is not really what he wants. Because he's apparently snarky about it, ongoing. And now he's fixated on weight gain during pregnancy; what that's the last thing he should be thinking about. He's got the mother of his child feeling self conscious about showing her tummy in front of him, at what should be a lovely, wonderful occasion that's about the baby, your family etc.
It is also a fairly common phenomenon for people to get heavier as they age. Very few people are getting lighter, so again don't make your ife with someone who's weight you're not happy with.
Since you are expecting a child with this man (using the word loosely) who chose to be in a serious relationship with & impregnate a size 14 woman, even though that's apparently at the upper limit of acceptability for him ...and is now torturing her re.weight gain through her pregnancy ... and she suspects (it seems correctly) that that will escalate soon after the birth, and no sign don't want to separate; I can only suggest that you read him the fucking riot act now and do not tolerate any of this through this pregnancy and afterwards.
You could tell him that;
Most women out on weight during pregnancy.
Most women get bloated during pregnancy.
The focus during pregnancy is the health of the Mum and baby. Not the Mums weight.
After the birth, it will take some time for a pregnant woman's abdomen to return to pre birth.
After the birth, the focus will be on caring for the baby, adjusting to parenthood, your mental health, not your weight. New parenthood, and the baby and toddler phase can be like a war zone. No extra pressure or stress whatsoever will be needed.
If he is not happy with a size 14 woman, he has made a major mistake in staying with one and having kids with her; you are not suffering for his mistake. He can cut the pressure and abuse (it is abuse) or he can move on.
Don't ever be self conscious about your pregnant body. It's miraculous.
My child's father, who is very far from Me Perfect, used to smile in a delighted way at my grieving bump, and in the ultrasound, his focus was on the baby bring healthy and on seeing the image on the screen. Correct priorities.
The fact that his behaviour, past and present, makes you feel this way ..... I would seriously consider whether you want him stay with this man long-term. The scan thing s one of the saddest things I've read on MN, and that's saying something.