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Original poster

Husband texted escort, 'nothing happened" but I don't know what to do

43 replies

ABdaisy · 15/09/2024 00:15

OK... never posted on here before but I can't talk to friends or family about this and I'm struggling dealing with this on my own. Long post!

I accidentally saw on my husband's phone that he had texted an escort asking if they were available that afternoon. They said no so as far as I can tell he didn't meet anyone but I'm just in shock at what was going through his mind.

We have a 4 month old and have had a really tough hospital stay with them and I thought we'd been a really good parenting team and helped each other through a really difficult time.

Our sex life this year has been very minimal as he wasn't keen when I was pregnant, he's had his own depression/low self esteem issues and the lack of sleep/sleep shifts get in the way. Despite all this we're still affectionate every day and I had been feeling really close to him and thought we'd slowly get it back as our sleep improves.

After confronting him about the text he was very ashamed and quick to say that nothing happened. He was 'bored' and his curiosity 'got the better of him'. We've been together 16 years, married for 4 and I just can't believe my best friend would do this. I don't know how to trust him and keep going from everything is fine to what the hell am I doing. He's booked therapy, which I've wanted him to do for years so I want to see what happens with that but I just can't bear throwing away our family life and uprooting everything but I also don't want to feel like an idiot. I'm embarrassed, confused but mostly just sad he's done this to our lovely family.

OP posts:
ktab80 · 15/09/2024 00:25

You don’t text an escort out of curiosity. You do it because you want sex. I’m sorry OP truly I am but that’s the truth

poppyzbrite4 · 15/09/2024 00:26

My advice is to start making plans to leave. Men with an escort habit rarely change and they all say they didn't meet or were just looking. Get checked out for STDs.

Incakewetrust · 15/09/2024 00:27

If you read any post about a husband texting escorts, you'll find they all say the same things:

  • they were never going to go through with it.
  • it was just a fantasy.
  • it's akin to porn

This is all bullshit.
No one texts escorts because they're bored. How did he even get her number?
He wanted sex and he's just gutted that he got caught.

UCConfuseMe · 15/09/2024 00:27

They always throw out 'nothing happened'

How can you know? How can you ever trust him again?

He has a wife who has just given birth and a baby and his mind is on shagging a prostitute?

Seaoftroubles · 15/09/2024 00:27

I'm sorry OP, but the intention was there. How do you know he hasn't done it before and followed through with it? He says he was bored and curious? What kind of pitiful excuse is is that? I would lose all trust in him l'm afraid.

TyneTeas · 15/09/2024 00:29

Sorry OP Flowers

What do you think the chances are the very first time he did this you happened to see it?

DaftyLass · 15/09/2024 00:29

If he was just thinking about, he wouldn't try to make it happen

He got caught and will give you just as much as it takes to get you to stay.

I'm sorry, this is a rotten thing to go through, and a terrible time for it happen.

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/09/2024 00:30

You don’t know what to do?

Pack his bags, put them on the doorstep and change the locks would be a good first step. Then find a good divorce solicitor.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/09/2024 00:30

This wasn't his first time, and he'll do it again.

Anyonefortennistoday · 15/09/2024 00:31

He has come out with the usual lines: just curious, nothing happened, I'll have therapy.

I'm sorry OP but even if nothing happened this time the intent was there and he will have used sex workers before.

It's not surprising your trust is broken.

Circumferences · 15/09/2024 00:33

If you caught him walking out of the doors of a prostitute's address he'd tell you "nothing happened".

Do you share finances? Can you see where his disposable income goes? Is he usually secretive with his phone/laptop etc? Does he have "hobbies" outside the home for shag opportunity?

ktab80 · 15/09/2024 00:34

poppyzbrite4 · 15/09/2024 00:26

My advice is to start making plans to leave. Men with an escort habit rarely change and they all say they didn't meet or were just looking. Get checked out for STDs.

Genuinely curious. Would you say this if he stuck it in his secretary or a woman from the baby group or just escorts? I might of misunderstood your tone so could you clarify.

ktab80 · 15/09/2024 00:34

Make sure he has no “locked chats” on what’s app. Make him show you. Don’t announce it, just ask him to show you there and then.

JacquelineShit · 15/09/2024 00:36

You'd no more try to book an escort through curiosity and not go through with it, than you'd book a holiday and not bother going.

You 'accidentally' looked through his messages because your gut feeling was telling you to.

I doubt he was 'unlucky' enough to have his wife find the one and only text message he's ever sent to a prostitute in his entire life.

Far more likely this was the message he forgot to delete.

XChrome · 15/09/2024 00:39

UCConfuseMe · 15/09/2024 00:27

They always throw out 'nothing happened'

How can you know? How can you ever trust him again?

He has a wife who has just given birth and a baby and his mind is on shagging a prostitute?

IKR. That's as low as it gets. This guy is no good and isn't ever going to change. She's taking a high risk of STIs by staying with him.

IDontHateRainbows · 15/09/2024 00:44

If he 'wasn't keen when you were pregnant' I guarantee you he was getting it elsewhere. So sorry

IDontHateRainbows · 15/09/2024 00:47

Just remember, he texted her and she said no, she wasn't available.

If she'd texted him asking when he wanted to make a booking and he said no, maybe there'd be a chance of believing the 'just curious ' line.

But she was the one saying no to him

So it's obviously bullshit

Aquamarine1029 · 15/09/2024 00:47

IDontHateRainbows · 15/09/2024 00:44

If he 'wasn't keen when you were pregnant' I guarantee you he was getting it elsewhere. So sorry

This, op. Has it not occurred to you since catching him that this is why he wasn't interested in sex when you were pregnant? This isn't his first rodeo by any stretch.

TyneTeas · 15/09/2024 00:52

You don't have to do anything tonight OP.

This all must be quite hard to read.

Take your time and do what is right for you

Notherefortheclout · 15/09/2024 00:54

This is not the first time he's arranged/gone to see an escort believe me.

This time he just got caught and came up w the 'pathetic' excuse of "being curious" 🤦🏻‍♀️

RogueFemale · 15/09/2024 00:59

He texted an escort because he wants sex. Wanting sex is normal.

It's horrible in the context of your recent difficult birth / new baby, but, still, wanting sex is normal.

I hear what you say about his mental health / sleep issues. Not an excuse.

It's also 16 year into your relationship. Sex tends to die off within this time span (not everyone, but common enough).

He may just not be a perfect man.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 15/09/2024 01:00

Sorry OP, but you don't have escorts numbers and text them for their availability for the curiosity. He's seen her before. He's already been having sex with escorts. He's a cheat. You need to decide if you want to put up with this or not. Obviously, you shouldn't though.

poppyzbrite4 · 15/09/2024 10:28

ktab80 · 15/09/2024 00:34

Genuinely curious. Would you say this if he stuck it in his secretary or a woman from the baby group or just escorts? I might of misunderstood your tone so could you clarify.

Show quote history

Just escorts.

MostlyGhostly · 15/09/2024 10:38

My ex did this, plus joined a few hook up sites. Also blamed it on depression, curiosity, been drinking etc. We weren’t in a great place anyway. I knew I couldn't forgive him but was soo tempted to give it yet another go because I loved him and felt I had a lot to lose. I screenshotted everything and sent it to a few of my friends so that there was no dirty secret between just us and no going back. I needed that support and for what he had done to be “out there” Then made a firm decision to kick him out and told my friends to help me to not go back again. I think that whatever you decide you should tell someone you trust to help you to get some perspective on this. It’s very difficult when you are just getting perspective of one person, who is the person who has cheated (or tried to, whatever you believe) and who has a hold over you. Posting here is a start.

The13thFairy · 15/09/2024 11:12

So he's dragged out the old 'nothing happened'. What this means is that he says he didn't insert any portion of his body into her body, and said insertion is the only thing that matters. He didn't do that; though! You silly woman. Really, nothing happened at all. It was a non-event, and will you give over going on about it.

A lot happened, of course. He was lining a woman up for sex and on this occasion it fell through - apparently. There will have been other occasions when it went ahead. You know this.

Something stands out to me. You describe him as your best friend. He isn't, and he never was; he is just a husband. This will be a lot to get your head around; please take it on board. Take care of yourself ~ he won't!