I think "he's just not that into me" 😭

[Sunsparkles]

Been with my BF for 2yrs...we are mid 40s (me) mid 50s (him). It's been tough, we met through OLD, he has a kid 18+ I have 2 under 10rs. It's been tough, but we've talked all the way and have an agreement about where we are and how things are.

I've not seen him for a week, and prior to that for 4 weeks I've seen him one or 2 nights a week. This is our standard given circumstances. We're supposed to be going in holiday next week (UK based for a week).

In the last week he mentioned that he'd had a can of beer because he thought it would help his ears feel better - he's been having issues with (likely) ear wax. Not sure how the beer, I'm not sure how that was supposed to help but whatever. No issue with him having a beer or 3 at home, or indeed going out for many...

Tonight the beer was mentioned, he said he'd had 3, I said oh ok, you told me you'd had one ....anyway, this somehow turned into a (not even ) argument where he told me I'd be sorry like always in the morning, and that I always do this and that he doesn't want to hear apologies on the morning...then about 30 mins later her went off to bed and that's it.

I'm a bit confused tbh. He's told me to sleep in the spare room.

I know, categorically that he said 1 beer to me. I am also aware that my ex used to gas light me regularly so I'm very sensitive to this.

I feel quite calm, just confused (I'm having counselling...this is new to me!!) but I just don't know what to make of it all....

Help please, what would you be thinking??

He’s a dick x

Kick him in the balls.

Guarantee it was more than 3.

Go home, leave him to sulk.

I agree, take some of your power back OP, ‘sleep in the guest room until you give me an apology I don’t even want’. Absolutely not. Go home, get a nice bottle of wine and a takeaway and watch something you want to watch on TV or get your friends over. Don’t cater to a 50 odd year old man child.

Hmmm honestly, if I’d said to a partner mid week I’d had a beer, then I later mentioned several beers, and they pulled me up on it I’d think they were controlling, nit picking and starting an argument!!
so not sure really - can see both sides

This. Surely a nice relaxing bath beats sitting alone like a child on the naughty step.
Heck- I’m sure even doing the dishes or taking the bin out would be better.

Unfortunately I live 40mins away and have had too much to drink.

I REALLY want to just go home but it isn't an option. So what do I do in the morning?

I went in to try to see wtf happened but he just turned over in bed and put the covers over his head!

I genuinely thought we'd had a nice evening. I'm so done I think!!

Have you driven there? You’re behaving like an adult him like a kid. Sad a 50 year old hasn’t matured

FYI we don't live together although have plans to do so in the future.

I would class us as exclusive (he would too) but we are still 'dating' I would say....it doesn't feel like we're 2 yrs on in the relationship, but that just could be because I've always jumped both feet straight in in the past (to my detriment!!)

Yes, I always travel to his, he barely comes to kine but often that's because I work from home and flexible where he works at location.

I know that comes across very "my view". I love how "secure" he is, it's sooooo good for me, and my therapist agrees so far. He is definitely the reason I am having therapy, not because he's an arse but because he has shown me that relationships can be better. But this, I just don't know if it's him needing to learn, me needing to learn, or him (or me!) being a twat 🫣

my opinion - leave your car. Go home. Even if he’s just had too much to drink and being a bit of a nob. Putting himself to bed and ignoring you knowing you’ll be uncomfortable and in his house is so nasty. I’d do it to make the point that you refuse to be treat like that

I think I'd be a little riled too if I, as a fully grown adult, was being questioned by my partner about how many drinks I'd had. Does it matter if he said he had a beer but actually had 3? It's not a crime. I get why he's annoyed that you'd pull him up on it.

"i had 3 beers the other right"
"Oh right, you said you'd only had one"
"Yeah, but you know, tastes nicer after the first"

But instead he went arsey..
Making a grown women sleep in the spare room to punish her..
Stomping off to bed like a toddler.

Fuck that poop

Right...I think this is how I feel. He doesn't drink at home alone, at all. And I have no issue if he does or doesn't. Like if it was a load all the time then maybe, but the odd can or two, whatever.

It makes me wonder why.

And no, I really didn't make a big deal of it, it was literally a passing comment

I can't, 40mins away is waaayyyy too far in a taxi

I'd leave in the morning.
Just get up early and go before he gets up.
and leave a note that just says "Fuck Off"

Perhaps I just accept the end of this relationship and go to bed. Get up in the morning and leave. Job done.

I mean I'd hate that....I really love him, but it's not reciprocated it? I can take it, please give it to me straight from your experience.

So you've had too much to drink tonight and you're getting annoyed at how much he's drinking. It seems like alcohol is causing an issue in your relationship

Don't move in together
Can you imagine living with man child full time...

Thanks, but too much to drink (a few pints each) and unsafe to drive isn't a drink problem on either side. It isn't about the drinks he had, rather his response when he originally said he's had 1, but then mentioned in passing it was 3, (which in itself not an issue), and then accused me of not listening.

I'd get up really early and go home, if you cant go right now.
And call it a day.

he does drink at home alone, he has told you so. Is it a secret he is trying to keep from you?
Not worth the hassle imo

I can’t stand people who lie about how much they’ve drunk and kick off about it. It’s ok if this is a big deal to OP.

If you’re together how do you not know how much he’s had to drink. And why does it matter how many, one or three, when you’re a few deep yourself? Sounds like a pissed up argument to me, go to bed like him, sleep it off.

Just to set the record straight....I agree. However, in my situation my partner doesn't lie about drinking, we speak or see each other every single night, a couple of beers once in a is noticeable on a call, and if he's been out to the pub he always says. This isn't an alcohol issue.

I think strangers on the internet are in no position to tell you whether your relationship should end in this circumstance. He’s being a man child. I agree with PP. Go to bed, get up early and go home but please don’t apologise to him for asking him a simple question. He owes you an apology for behaving as he did this evening, it is very silly and childish behaviour. IMO don’t speak to him until he speaks to you and don’t bend over backwards trying to get him to x