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Original poster

Stop access to our child

47 replies

orangeskys · 06/09/2024 21:43

I posted a recent thread regarding my ex narcissist partner.

I was advised by the police to get someone to be the middle person until I can get court sorted. He has ruined this already and it's been one day. He deliberately tried picking our daughter up at 2.55pm when he has told the middle person he would get her at 3.10pm she wasn't there obviously as I was going to drop her at that time but was told he was there anyways I did in the end and he made comments to try and get a rise out of me I completely ignored this. He then goes on and slates me to these middle people when I leave and did the same before I arrived. He deliberately turned up earlier it was obvious. He then was meant to drop her back there at 5pm he didn't he dropped her at 5.30 which pissed the middle person off as they have their own children and things to do dinner etc he then carries on with the slating me and shit as well. He has told them he isn't taking me to court he wants me to take him to court so he don't have to pay and then he wants to unleash all this evidence he has about me to get full custody.

The middle people are not wanting to be apart of it no more, I don't know what to do I've done what the police have advised and I have also let him have his daughter I've never stopped him but now I'm stuck in a position where there will be noone else to be the middle person, I'm not going to apply to the courts for him to shame me and tell them loads of bullshit about me when I've done nothing wrong except want to change a weekend.

I have no idea what to do now? I'm stuck, I'm lost and I'm stressing out because now it's going too look like I'm stopping him see his daughter when that isn't the case and he will turn it all around on me to get full custody as he says. I don't have anyone else who can be the middle people and he has been warned by the police to not be near me or my home.

What do I do? 😔🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
localnotail · 06/09/2024 22:08

Find out if there is a contact centre anywhere near you and organise handover through them. They would set the time and would also write reports so you will have evidence of him being late etc.

Original poster
orangeskys · 06/09/2024 22:23

localnotail · 06/09/2024 22:08

Find out if there is a contact centre anywhere near you and organise handover through them. They would set the time and would also write reports so you will have evidence of him being late etc.

I have checked where the contact centres are round here and the closest ones are 50 mins away and 1 hour and 30 mins away.

How long are the visits for? I've never done it before.

OP posts:
localnotail · 07/09/2024 07:26

orangeskys · 06/09/2024 22:23

I have checked where the contact centres are round here and the closest ones are 50 mins away and 1 hour and 30 mins away.

How long are the visits for? I've never done it before.

Show quote history

I'm not really sure, I think the easiest thing would be to ask them. They deal with difficult contact situations so will be able to give you some idea. After that, if you have a solicitor, get them to write a letter to your ex telling them this is how you suggest you go ahead, and get them to outline the fact that you made an effort to facilitate contact and he ruined it.

This is basically my opinion based on previous experience but I strongly advice you get a family solicitor and follow their guidance as I think he will continue to cause issues.

Soontobe60 · 07/09/2024 07:32

If the police have been involved, surely social services are also involved? What do they suggest? I’m surprised that he’s allowed to see his child unsupervised if there’s police involvement.

GuestFeatu · 07/09/2024 07:34

Private contact centres are expensive. Do you think he would pay for one? Would you? This isn't generally a very practical option.
If police have warned him has he been arrested before? Is there evidence of domestic abuse?
You don't have to facilitate contact. You can stop it and wait for him to take you to court. I'm not sure why he thinks you would take him to court though, and then to think he can just present all this evidence and get 'full custody' when he didn't even stir himself to apply is laughably arrogant.

GuestFeatu · 07/09/2024 07:36

Soontobe60 · 07/09/2024 07:32

If the police have been involved, surely social services are also involved? What do they suggest? I’m surprised that he’s allowed to see his child unsupervised if there’s police involvement.

Police attending doesn't mean social services will be involved. Thousands of DV incidents take place every year with nothing but a follow up phone call from a social worker if that. Who do you think it going to 'not allow' unsupervised contact in the event that the police are involved?

Original poster
orangeskys · 07/09/2024 08:01

Soontobe60 · 07/09/2024 07:32

If the police have been involved, surely social services are also involved? What do they suggest? I’m surprised that he’s allowed to see his child unsupervised if there’s police involvement.

Social care haven't contacted me yet. I'm waiting to hear back from them. I also emailed the police officer yesterday and explained what he has been saying in regards to our child about not bringing her home and threatening to take full custody of her.

OP posts:
Original poster
orangeskys · 07/09/2024 08:04

GuestFeatu · 07/09/2024 07:34

Private contact centres are expensive. Do you think he would pay for one? Would you? This isn't generally a very practical option.
If police have warned him has he been arrested before? Is there evidence of domestic abuse?
You don't have to facilitate contact. You can stop it and wait for him to take you to court. I'm not sure why he thinks you would take him to court though, and then to think he can just present all this evidence and get 'full custody' when he didn't even stir himself to apply is laughably arrogant.

He wouldn't pay for one no he's already said that he won't take me to court he hasn't got the money and he has said he will wait for me to take him to court and then he will go for full custody. He wants full custody but wouldn't change the weekend I wanted him too because he has to work which totally contradicts what he is saying and shows he's just being spiteful. I've applied to Clare's law and he has been in the paper in 2009 which I recently just seen about jealousy and rage because he saw an ex being chatted up on a night out and was done for GBH so I know he has that.

OP posts:
Original poster
orangeskys · 07/09/2024 08:14

GuestFeatu · 07/09/2024 07:36

Police attending doesn't mean social services will be involved. Thousands of DV incidents take place every year with nothing but a follow up phone call from a social worker if that. Who do you think it going to 'not allow' unsupervised contact in the event that the police are involved?

Show quote history

He has also been recorded on a ring door bell that he isn’t going to bring her home, he has also said this verbally to the middle person who witnessed it. He was saying to our daughter you going to come and live with daddy? You can live with daddy next time, so I am now anxious about him having her as I’m worried he’s just one day not going to bring her home and I will then have to go court and get this sorted and it will be a long fight. This is all malicious, controlling and manipulative acts from his part because I asked him to change the weekend soo I could get a break as it’s been affecting me mentally and my other children go to their dads the same Saturday, he just doesn’t want me having and me time and as he says on the camera she has kids she don’t get her time, when actually I can have me time and I’m entitled to it your just being a complete ass about it.

OP posts:
AutumnFroglets · 07/09/2024 08:21

I would ask my solicitor to write a letter (and check with them to see if it's okay legally).

State that since he has upset the allocated handover person (which was recommended by the police) to the point they no longer wish to be involved, you now have no other choice but to wait on the court order. It is up to him to organise that court order.

Keep it simple and very clear that he needs to go the legal route due to his behaviour. No more handovers until court ordered to do so.

localnotail · 07/09/2024 08:27

Get a good family solicitor and see what's the best route, but I dont think you need to be proactive in facilitating contact to this extent. You also need to keep yourself safe.

redsky21 · 07/09/2024 08:32

Just stop contact. He's already said he's not going to take you to court, so what do you have to lose?

Anonym00se · 07/09/2024 08:34

Just stop contact, full stop. If he wants to see her let him go through the court. Email him and tell him the reasons you are stopping contact, and if he wants to see your DC he can apply to the court for supervised access. Do not let him intimidate you. There is zero chance that a court would remove a child from a loving mother and give custody to a violent man. You can prove that you have attempted to facilitate contact to this point but that he has blown it. Good luck.

RandomMess · 07/09/2024 08:38

Stop contact.

I would actually seek an emergency "lives with" order as he is constantly threatening to not return her. You need recommendations for a GOOD family law solicitor that gets good outcomes for those with your circumstance.

I think drop the rope with your ex. Stop contact, block him. Let him take you to court.

As part of the process you can say that you are willing to work toward contact starting with him paying for supervised contact due to the abuse towards you and the threats.

The court process is slow and in which time you have peace from him.

Flowers
Original poster
orangeskys · 07/09/2024 08:57

localnotail · 07/09/2024 08:27

Get a good family solicitor and see what's the best route, but I dont think you need to be proactive in facilitating contact to this extent. You also need to keep yourself safe.

I just tried everything soo he could still see her but it's all been me doing and me sorting it and getting nothing back from him and now the middle people are not happy with him because of him being early then late then at the door slagging me off for 10 mins. They have children and needed to get dinner done and they don't also want to hear it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
orangeskys · 07/09/2024 08:58

AutumnFroglets · 07/09/2024 08:21

I would ask my solicitor to write a letter (and check with them to see if it's okay legally).

State that since he has upset the allocated handover person (which was recommended by the police) to the point they no longer wish to be involved, you now have no other choice but to wait on the court order. It is up to him to organise that court order.

Keep it simple and very clear that he needs to go the legal route due to his behaviour. No more handovers until court ordered to do so.

I've contacted a solicitor and hopefully they will contact me Monday about all this. He was meant to have her this Saturday so the date I changed but he's refused to have her as working yet finishes at 3pm

OP posts:
Original poster
orangeskys · 07/09/2024 08:58

Anonym00se · 07/09/2024 08:34

Just stop contact, full stop. If he wants to see her let him go through the court. Email him and tell him the reasons you are stopping contact, and if he wants to see your DC he can apply to the court for supervised access. Do not let him intimidate you. There is zero chance that a court would remove a child from a loving mother and give custody to a violent man. You can prove that you have attempted to facilitate contact to this point but that he has blown it. Good luck.

Ok I will do this thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
orangeskys · 07/09/2024 08:59

RandomMess · 07/09/2024 08:38

Stop contact.

I would actually seek an emergency "lives with" order as he is constantly threatening to not return her. You need recommendations for a GOOD family law solicitor that gets good outcomes for those with your circumstance.

I think drop the rope with your ex. Stop contact, block him. Let him take you to court.

As part of the process you can say that you are willing to work toward contact starting with him paying for supervised contact due to the abuse towards you and the threats.

The court process is slow and in which time you have peace from him.

Flowers

Ok I will do this thank you. I've had to put up with this for 2 years. 😔

OP posts:
RandomMess · 07/09/2024 12:17

I wouldn't waste money sending a solicitor letter. Get advice from the solicitor.

You have to try mediation first before court for a CAO but as he's abusive you should have your individual mediation appointment and get signed off as unsuitable for mediation due to his abuse.

Then it's court.

Could take a year to resolve but it's a year of having no direct contact from him.

bluebee17 · 07/09/2024 12:23

Anonym00se · 07/09/2024 08:34

Just stop contact, full stop. If he wants to see her let him go through the court. Email him and tell him the reasons you are stopping contact, and if he wants to see your DC he can apply to the court for supervised access. Do not let him intimidate you. There is zero chance that a court would remove a child from a loving mother and give custody to a violent man. You can prove that you have attempted to facilitate contact to this point but that he has blown it. Good luck.

☝️

XelaM · 07/09/2024 12:27

Stop contact. Let him take you to court if he wants to

Sux2buthen · 07/09/2024 12:31

XelaM · 07/09/2024 12:27

Stop contact. Let him take you to court if he wants to

I've done this. Almost 3 years still nothing
Good luck op

sunflowersngunpowdr · 07/09/2024 13:36

Soontobe60 · 07/09/2024 07:32

If the police have been involved, surely social services are also involved? What do they suggest? I’m surprised that he’s allowed to see his child unsupervised if there’s police involvement.

Police involvement doesn't always equal the man was at fault or that the child was in danger because of him.

Original poster
orangeskys · 08/09/2024 09:09

XelaM · 07/09/2024 12:27

Stop contact. Let him take you to court if he wants to

He won't take me to court he said he has no money.

So she won't ever see him.

OP posts:
Original poster
orangeskys · 08/09/2024 09:09

RandomMess · 07/09/2024 12:17

I wouldn't waste money sending a solicitor letter. Get advice from the solicitor.

You have to try mediation first before court for a CAO but as he's abusive you should have your individual mediation appointment and get signed off as unsuitable for mediation due to his abuse.

Then it's court.

Could take a year to resolve but it's a year of having no direct contact from him.

I don't think mediation will work he's a narcissist 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
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