Is he cheating what should I do

[Mumofdolls]

hi, my heart is pumping out my chest as I write this down. I’m embarrassed, hurt, and don’t know who to talk too.

2 years ago I suspected my partner of 20 years was cheating as he was acting strange so I stalked his Facebook. I saw he was friends with a mum from school he was love hearting her very filtered selfies and she was hearting his work photos ( like the views etc) I said nothing as that’s not proof of anything then one day her partner friend requested me on Snapchat. I thought that was strange I didnt add him because I think I was scared of why he added me. I’m so stupid I know!! Anyway dp started saying some strange requests to me like he kept saying I would love you to get your nipples pierced and other weird sex stuff. Bizarre im 43 no interest in what he was asking. Then standing at school pick up I notice her standing with her big pierced nips! Few weeks later her partner is at pick up and I’m with dp he grabs my hand starts acting all lovey and etc I’m thinking is this for his benefit. There is lots of other stupid things like this so I confront him over my suspicions and he says he never knew he was fb friends with her I show him the hearts in the thirst trap photos of course it’s been a mistake he says. I don’t have proof of anything but my gut is telling me there is something. Fast forward to now he’s started getting jealous of everything I do if I’m out with friends he’s driving round town, or he’s making crappy comments on my clothes as if I’m out looking for another man. Keeps telling me multiple times a day how much he loves me or he’s being quite mean with horrible like sarcastic comments always alluding to me not loving him.and it’s suffocating. We have mutual friends that have stopped talking to him and he says they are weird but I think they know something as they chat to me and put head down when he is around. The ow works in a shop near my work when I go in she practically runs out the back to hang around where I am in the shop her behaviour is another reason my gut is telling me something is off. On Saturday night this ow sister in law bee lined for me she works at my children’s school was drunk and started saying oh families are the worst and how disappointed she was in her brother and how she had fell out with them and he moved his daughter out the school etc but she can’t say anything because of her job but next year when my child (and she names my child)moves into big school she can say something. I never asked I walked away without questioning I didn’t know what to say or ask because I too embarrassed to say why when my dad leaves or what is it you think is wrong I’m so embarrassed if he has cheated on me with this horror. Now stupid me is thinking does she think I have done something with the brother because he sent me a friend request. Is this all in my head. I’m too embarrassed to tell my friends as they all think he worships the ground I walk on. I don’t know where to turn or if I am even sane at this moment in time. What would you do I’m sorry this probably sounds like nothing. But I feel sick all the time the not knowing is driving me insane.

Maybe he's done nothing and you've been off with him as you suspect he has. So he's tried to spice things up and show you that he loves you. Just saying two sides to every story. But standard mums net the blokes always to blame and should be got rid of!

Nothing wrong having snapchat in your 40s, i prefer it to facebook

Whether he has or has not cheated the trust is gone.
You can talk to him, talk to the other woman, talk to the other partner and the sister.
Either way you are fed up of how it is.

Start putting money away.
Make your inheritance safe.

Do something for you.
Don't stay just because you think you have no other options.

You say he would make your life a misery…. It doesn’t sound too great right now tbh. I’d rather know than wonder.

I'm sorry you are going through this.
Firstly, sort your finances out. Move your money asap. It doesn't matter if you think he wouldn't do anything with it, once they are challenged they change from loving and caring to someone you won't recognise. (Talking from experience a few times). Get some legal advice you should be able to get it free for 15/30 minutes.
They way he is behaving towards you is because of guilt.
In my case i had everything thrown at me and blamed for everything.
It is not your fault it's his.
Life can go on without him.
My kids message through WhatsApp. If yours use Snapchat then that's their preference.
Check your account for strange payments missing money, look for receipts.
You can kick him out there's nothing saying you have to go.
Be strong. You will get through it one day at a time.

MOVE THAT MONEY NOW

worry about the rest once that's done.

I'm very sorry, it sounds like your instinct is correct. But you must protect yourself. If he decided not to 'be a good man' and stole your money your whole situation changes instantly. Its one of the few positions of power you have right now.

I would get your eggs in your basket now, start moving money, thinking about things, check messages he's sent if you can, go speak to the ow and see what her problem is. Maybe speak to her partner see what it is or the woman at school, if she isn't going to tell you then I'd be letting her know you'll report her, saying what she said is just as in appropriate, he's being weird, the whole situation is weird. And you deserve better, you'll feel worse if you let it go on longer and don't get to the bottom of it, it could be just a weird situation, but to me it's just iffy... and stinks of 💩 but incase it is all going to go sideways, get your miney and stuff protected. If he moves it and takes it you've not a leg to stand on. He could clear you out. Everything is fine till someone feels bitter or annoyed especially f he's caught out and you leave him

Don't be too sure of that.

Move your money now. Don't wait. If things do come to a head you won't be able to trust him over that. He does have an obligation to house his children, too. So sit in the home and if it comes to it, he should leave.
This may all be in his head after seeing her nipple rings through her clothes, but you need to confront him eventually

I'm so sorry your going through this ,you must be feeling awful,I've been in this position myself. One thing I wouldn't like is being the last to know and that someone I shared my life with, has potentially betrayed me with a stranger,it makes everything ,including his doting on you a complete lie.
Why is he out most evenings playing sport,when do you two do anything together,when would he have the time to do anything,would it be when he plays sport? Is it straight after work and then home to spend time with you and the smaller children,are you sure his feelings and worshipping you is because you've let him get away with too much, and he has an easy life.What was he like with the older children as a dad,you must have been together young,did you ever have other relationships before this one.
Maybe he got into a situation that he couldn't handle and he is embarrassed too. Protect yourself move your saving,but you must come out from under the covers and face this head on,sounds like the sister in law is the one with the answers at this stage I don't know how your going to find out either way. Good luck.

OP, have you moved your money out of the joint account? I cannot stress enough how important that is. Don't ever trust a cheater to be fair about finances. They are usually dishonest about that as well.

This is a wonderfully perceptive comment