I can't do this anymore. Drugs ruining everything.

[Terracata]

My brother is addicted to ketamine. He comes off it for a while then whenever anything doesn't go his way in life he goes back to drugs. It was my dad's birthday yesterday and we were meant to go to his for a certain time to watch a film. Brother turned up so late absolutely off his trolley walking around like a space man. My 5 year old was there and I had to take him home. Tried again today to go for a meal and he's turned up completely spangled even when hes been told not to come if hes high. So my dad has walked away from the restaurant. I'm fed up with it. People tell me it's an addiction and he needs help, but I don't think it makes it any less selfish. I've slowly gone from wanting to help him to just feeling absolutely fed up, worried, anxious and terrified for him that it's easier if we just don't talk. I don't want him to die, I don't want him to become physically unwell either, I know ketamine causes bladder problems. I'm so worried. I'm so fucking angry. Furious. Can anyone please offer me ANY words of wisdom?

I don't have any words of wisdom, I'm really sorry. I have a brother who is an alcoholic and I just got to the point where I told my parents I was not meeting them anywhere in public if he was coming because he was an utter embarassment. Restaurant meals where he was pissed, staggering, dropping food everywhere, collapsing on the table, etc.

You can't stop an addict - you can only remove yourself from the picture. My DB does not want to give up drinking.

My brother does want to stop ketamine but he keeps talking about how he wants to get to a point where he can do it every now and then. It's so naive.

I was listening to Jeremy Vine talking about ketamine addiction on his radio two show yesterday, 1pm til 1.30. It might be worth taking a listen yourself for insights. It's been in the news more lately due to the Friends actor Matthew Perry having died from his
ketamine addiction.
It can cause total bladder incontinence from age 30 apparently.
Sorry you and your family are going through this @Terracata . 💐

If you're a heavy user moderation doesn't come into it
I was a heavy user of amphetamine 20 years plus that quarter ounce bag every week got hoovered not a crumb left.
You have to reach the point you're sick of it .. change social scene etc to make that break.

Honestly I'm aware of the damage it can do and really scared for him. I feel completely helpless.

He's been doing it for years. He will stop for weeks and weeks then suddenly turn up again on the verge of a k hole because something bad has happened and rather than dealing with it he just turns to ketamine.

If he can stop for weeks then something happens perhaps CBT could help pinpoint his triggers and he could adapt coping strategies so he's not back on it.

I went out with someone like this for a while, a few years back. The trouble with people who are drawn to ketamine is that they are literally not living in the real world. I have found myself wondering over the years whether it attracts someone who needs to self-medicate in some way. I'm pretty sure, based on how things turned out, that my ex was paranoid schizophrenic, but he never got a diagnosis as he just fell between all the nets society is supposed to have in place for people who are mentally ill. He's now in jail. For him, I think ketamine normalised an internal state that he had grown up masking from others, and that's why he enjoyed sharing it. For me, when I tried it, what I hated was the sense of a perspex screen between you and the world around you (it's a dissociative), but for some people this gives them a sense of safety.

I wish I could advise what you can do. I suppose what I'm saying is that it may be the tip of an iceberg really. I'm so sorry.

This organisation offers advice and support to the families of drug users https://www.nar-anon.co.uk/

Put your child first, well done for leaving with your child when he turned up. As others have said, you can’t help him. You are not equipped to help him and you don’t have the resources.

Like an alcoholic, addicts only access and accept help once they reach rock bottom. I know that sounds callous but it’s true. People run themselves into the ground trying to help relatives beat an addiction. You can’t afford to do that because you have a child who depends on you.

I hope your brother gets help very soon.

Your DB deluded if he thinks he can beat an addiction but just indulge now and then. If he still wants to take the drug then he's not really in the mindset to end his addiction just yet. Well done for leaving, your DC doesn't need to see his Uncle like that

I don't know how much more rock bottom he can get. I've had to call ambulances in the middle of the night for him before because I thought he was ODing. He wasn't but he was in such a state and I'm not used to being around people on drugs that I had no idea what to do. He had cut all his legs up and was also drunk and vomiting everywhere whilst occasionally completely dissociating. I love him so much. When he's sober he's the best brother and uncle to my son I could ask for. When he's high he's completely oblivious to everything around him.

Stepping back or codependency are your only options. First choice is actually the only thing that helps. It helps you and your own family. Your brother needs professional care.

I’m sorry for you, it must be really tough. 💐

My family would have a meeting and I know that we would all decide to cut the person off until they sought treatment.

One person is not going to ruin it all for us and their having the rug pulled out from under them by way of family support would make them do or die.

Sadly, mine is like this with alcohol. He wants to believe that he can drink 'socially' so periodically goes on the wagon - accompanied by the horrendous shakes and cold turkey shit - and then believes he can drink occasionally.

He can't.

That's very insightful. Thanks.

You're a kind sister but sadly tough love will serve you better. All the while he has you to pick him up and look after him he doesn't have to face reality. Does he have a problem that started his addiction, a MH or emotional problem or did he just enjoy the highs?

You have to step back. If he wants to get help, you can be his advocate in the bureaucracy. Until he is ready, there is really nothing you can do except protect your daughter from having to deal with him.

Undiagnosed ADHD I think which he's on a waiting list for, and severe depression.

You have to tell your parents you will not be attending any family event where he is invited, and if he turns up you will leave.
Then follow through on your word.
Hopefully your parents will see sense and make arrangements to meet you without him knowing.

Sorry to hear this op. Is it worth writing him a heartfelt letter which you can send to him/photograph and send to him periodically with your thoughts, feelings, how he’s upsetting everyone, how it affects your son, his nephew etc. it might not get through to him right away, and im sure he needs to reach rock bottom before hes ready to make any changes but its worth a try? CBT also sounds good, some kind of counselling (when hes sober) for him and slso you and your parents. Drugs inc alcohol destroy families. You need to acknowledge you can only do so much, self care etc x

Well @Terracata that explains why he's struggling with the drugs, they're his coping mechanism. Hopefully he will be seen soon and self knowledge/medication will help him, I expect his depression would also be treated. It might be a lomg road but hopefully things will get better for you all

He's tried counselling, CBT, medication etc. Because of his adhd I suspect, he never follows through with it. Stops taking it. Etc etc. I don't know what will make him stop.

This may sound unconventional, but in these circumstances would he consider, or be able to afford, a psilocybin retreat e.g. in Amsterdam? Psilocybin has proven very effective in ADHD and depression, and it addresses the problem rather than escaping/avoiding it as ketamine does.

He's experienced in taking psychedelics (lsd, mdma, mushrooms etc) I doubt it would work?