I can't do this anymore. Drugs ruining everything.

[Terracata]

My brother is addicted to ketamine. He comes off it for a while then whenever anything doesn't go his way in life he goes back to drugs. It was my dad's birthday yesterday and we were meant to go to his for a certain time to watch a film. Brother turned up so late absolutely off his trolley walking around like a space man. My 5 year old was there and I had to take him home. Tried again today to go for a meal and he's turned up completely spangled even when hes been told not to come if hes high. So my dad has walked away from the restaurant. I'm fed up with it. People tell me it's an addiction and he needs help, but I don't think it makes it any less selfish. I've slowly gone from wanting to help him to just feeling absolutely fed up, worried, anxious and terrified for him that it's easier if we just don't talk. I don't want him to die, I don't want him to become physically unwell either, I know ketamine causes bladder problems. I'm so worried. I'm so fucking angry. Furious. Can anyone please offer me ANY words of wisdom?

Just wanted to give you a virtual hug. I've been there with my brother. I was expecting a call to tell me he'd died. He'd get clean, but it was never really heartfelt and he'd go off on one again and I'd have to drive the 4 hours to the city where he lives to the hospital because he'd ODd again. He's a lovely, sweet, kind person but he was actually horrible on the ket comedown. So aggressive and hurtful.
I'm pretty sure he has inattentive ADHD and was depressed, and the ADHD meant that the thing that got hi out of it in the end was latching onto health and wellness as a fixation. He became obsessed with it and because his ADHD fixation is stronger than his desire for ket, health wins. I know that it's not really helpful to you, but that's what solved it for him, and he is much better and hasn't taken any illegal drugs in a good few years now.

You can't fix him, no matter how hard you want to try. Only he can break this addiction. Until then, all you can do is remove yourself from the consequences of his behaviour.

I used to work for Cgl which is a drug and alcohol support charity. Has he ever engaged in a local drug service? Ketamine is a tricky one but behavioural change workshops would be offered, in our local area we would also assess for bladder issues and if there was any, we would send people up the hospital to be checked out by a urology nurse. Support is usually offered in a group setting although everyone is provided with a 1:1 'key worker'.

As already mentioned a lot of people who use Ketamine as their drug of choice often struggle with emotional regulation so this is always a good starting point. CBT is pretty crap for people in that position but it's always the entry level stuff that MH services offer. But they are unlikely to touch him if they are aware of his drug use so he may struggle getting support for his emotional reg/ADHD when the time comes. If he truly is motivated I'd suggest you start by encouraging him to contact his local service and start from there.

How much support you choose to offer will ultimately come down to you, but sounds like he has a fairly long road ahead with some realisation of the fact that he can't be a 'social user' amongst other things. If he truly is ready and looking for that support and connection there are plenty of places he can get that which don't involve you or your family having to be on the frontline. You must do what you can to protect yourself and have some boundaries in place.

https://www.changegrowlive.org/

In that case, I also doubt it would work!

Sorry OP, just clutching at straws.

I can't help thinking that if, like my ex, he chooses ketamine in preference to more "healing" psychedelics, his capacity to deal with reality must be limited.

Isn't brain chemistry weird, I wish we understood this all better.