How do I face ex when I acted "crazy" ?

liverburd1 · 04/09/2024 15:37

So you sent a single (albeit long) text message asking for clarification when she ended the relationship 4 days after your mum had passed? Then she blocked you?

She should be the one who is embarrassed. You've note done anything wrong - in fact you've handled it gracefully given the cheating etc. And probably with more class than many women in the position you were in would have.

You should go with your head held high. She should be the one who is embarrassed by her behaviour

ManhattanPopcorn · 04/09/2024 15:41

We're weren't acting crazy. You were grieving and she behaved appallingly.

You can hold your head high.

SilenceInside · 04/09/2024 15:46

You go to the wedding and have a nice time with your girlfriend and any other friends. Don't seek her out or try to interact with her. If she speaks to you be polite but disinterested and close off conversation and move away.

Don't get too drunk if you drink and are prone to it.

Original poster

dontsworery · 04/09/2024 15:50

At that time I was honestly so distraught
My mum had died suddenly and I just wanted a friend.
We were over as it was toxic but I didn't need her to cut me off the way she did.
She just showed no emotion
I won't lie it took me a year to be ready to date again.
Then I met my current GF and we have a brilliant life and she is deffo the one I'll spend the rest of my life with.
I hate the person I was back then
She didn't even deserve my friendship

OP posts:

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 04/09/2024 15:54

I hate the person I was back then

I understand what you meant, but rather than hating on your past self, can you instead reframe it to show compassion to your younger self? Her experiences were a painful but necessary period of growth that have made you into the woman you are today. 💚

BeenThere101 · 04/09/2024 15:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster

dontsworery · 04/09/2024 16:02

@BeenThere101 yes all her ex's were "crazy"
She was always the victim
The one who got all these "crazy women " ruining her life
I don't think they were the problem

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Original poster

dontsworery · 04/09/2024 19:13

Just ordered myself a new dress
So at least I will feel good anyway ha ha

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DeliciousApples · 04/09/2024 22:53

She sounds like a right piece of work. Cold bitch.

You didn't do anything wrong. Most of us would have done exactly the same as you. People need closure at the end of a relationship.

And when the shock of losing their mum is going into the mix it's only natural to grieve and be emotional. Sorry for your loss.

I would avoid her like the plague. If she says hello. I'd say hello back to be polite and keep walking. No good can come from her. Plus you have met the love of your life and you don't want that bitch screwing things up for you.

Original poster

dontsworery · 05/09/2024 13:36

Yeah she was so cold
No emotions
I think she was narcissistic too
A lot of the things she did made me question it
She deffo had mental health issues

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MyToesAreHotNotInaSexyWay · 05/09/2024 20:57

I expect you'll be having such a good time with your girlfriend that you won't even notice her 😏

DottyLottieLou · 08/09/2024 08:03

Head held high, flaunt your happiness and act like you barely remember her. You did nothing wrong.

Candystore22 · 08/09/2024 08:17

The timeline has me so confused.
you were unable to date for a year after breaking up with your ex.
You’ve been with current GF 2 years.
So I’m presuming you and ex broke up at least 3 years ago.
The last time you spoke to your ex was a year ago when she blocked you. How often did she block you? Because you also write she blocked you when she got a new GF while you were still chatting and flirting after breaking up. Was this last year? Why were you still chatting to her when she treated you so badly during and after your relationship.

whatever the correct timeline is, she sounds utterly horrendous, both during and after you were together. There are a lot of things she should be very ashamed of. And the friends you lost after you broke up were not true friends. Ignore her at the wedding. If she chats to you, stick to smalltalk and move on to the next person asap.

Notamum12345577 · 08/09/2024 09:07

I’m confused. You have been with your gf 2 years. But your ex blocked you a year ago, after you were flirting and speaking on the phone most weekends?

Nikki8762 · 08/09/2024 13:29

dontsworery · 04/09/2024 15:32

3 years ago I started dating a woman and she had form as a womaniser (did the cliche thing of thinking I could change her)
Anyway she wasn't very nice to me and treated me bad ,messed me around,she honestly broke my heart,slept with random women etc and basically laughed about it to me.
Picked me up,threw me away (our mutual friend (not mine anymore ) fell out with me and that was it for our relationship.
We continued to speak for a year after and we still flirted and chatted on the phone most weeks .
Then she got a girlfriend and said she didn't want to ever speak to me again (blocked me and everything) (my mum had died 4 days before and I was a mess)
Obviously I was heartbroken ,I had came to terms with no relationship but not even worthy of friendship,especially after loosing mum.

Next week we are both at the same event and this is the first time since she blocked me a year ago I've seen her.
How do I go ? After making a fool of myself?
When she told me he didn't want to speak to me again I sent a long rambling message about how he hurt me etc

She didn't reply and that was the last I heard from her.

I'm going to the wedding with girlfriend (who I live with and been with nearly 2 years)
I'm happy now but I'm mortified how I behaved sending the long text and asking for explanations
How do I go after this ?
She used to always say I was acting "crazy" if I asked her a simple question
If I asked where I stood etc

I don't think you acted crazy, you want clarity on the situation and your mum had just died.

You walk in there with your gf, you be civil but other than that I wouldn't even give her the time of day to be honest.

I can almost guarantee she will try and contact you after the event, narcissistic people (which is what she is) don't like being ignored, they don't like their exes moving on and being happy with out them. She'll deffo not like you being with someone else or seeing that so she may just try and get in your head. I would make sure you have her blocked before you go, so if she does try she won't get through.

You've done nothing wrong, you've nothing to be ashamed of, if anything she should be ashamed of herself for how she treated you, and the fact she cut you off after your mum died. She waited for the untimate time it would impact you and that's just a vile thing someone would do to another person. She deserves nothing from you, not even a thought! X

ReadingWorm · 08/09/2024 13:30

She sounds unhinged and has played a lot of mind games with you. And by the sounds of it her ‘reputation’ proceeds her.

I wouldn’t want to be friends with people who are friends with her tbh.

Nikki8762 · 08/09/2024 13:33

dontsworery · 04/09/2024 15:50

At that time I was honestly so distraught
My mum had died suddenly and I just wanted a friend.
We were over as it was toxic but I didn't need her to cut me off the way she did.
She just showed no emotion
I won't lie it took me a year to be ready to date again.
Then I met my current GF and we have a brilliant life and she is deffo the one I'll spend the rest of my life with.
I hate the person I was back then
She didn't even deserve my friendship

You're right, she didn't deserve any of you then, she certainly doesn't deserve you even worrying about her now. She sounds like a horrid vile person.

She did you a favour because it's let you move on and find a new amazing person. That might not have happened otherwise.

Just leave her too it. Can guarantee any relationship she's in isn't. Happy one, I'd be glad your not in her Web of lies and deceit any more

BobbyBiscuits · 08/09/2024 13:37

As others say, you did nothing wrong. You were hurt and sent a text. Who hasn't?
Just enjoy the day with your gf. If you see her just smile politely and say hello. She's hardly gonna start ranting and laughing at you, saying 'remember when you sent that text and I thought you were a nutter'? If anything that would make her look really weird.

notomato · 08/09/2024 15:08

The best revenge is happiness. Go to the wedding, feel great in your new dress, have a lovely time with your girlfriend, be pleasant and polite if she speaks to you, etc. Show her you have moved on and forget about the message you sent when you were understandably grieving and out of sorts.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/09/2024 15:14

This woman doesn't matter. She's irrelevant to your life now and you shouldn't even acknowledge her existence. If you absolutely have to, give a polite hello and that's it. Do not get into conversation with her. Walk away and engage with other guests. You have nothing to feel poorly about.

Dubuem · 08/09/2024 17:02

We've all texted ramblers at the height of emotion and tbh yours sounded perfectly justified. This cold b¡tch is not worthy of any more of your thoughts so don't allow her to live in your head rent free any longer. You are with someone who who deserves you, so go to the event, wear your crown with pride and be very thankful you dodged that particular bullet. Just to add, don't be manipulated into any further contact after. She won't like to see you happy.

CrayonCritic5 · 08/09/2024 19:31

As people have said you handled it so well - probably better than other people she’s treated badly and labelled as crazy. So let’s just pretend for a split second that it did matter what she thinks (which we all know it doesn’t) - she probably has no issues with your behaviour at all.

NoThanksymm · 09/09/2024 04:51

She means nothing to you now. So don’t worry about it. Nod and smile and ask about her family. Then just enjoy the even with the GF you like

Original poster

dontsworery · 09/09/2024 09:52

Sorry I don't mean we spoke a year ago
I meant we spoke for a year after we weren't seeing each other
Sorry I didn't explain it very well

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BeNavyCrab · 09/09/2024 10:39

I would go to the wedding with your girlfriend and enjoy yourselves. I would be civil but not talk to your ex anything more than small talk. Should she try to say anything mean or undermining to your girlfriend, I would say something along the lines of, "Can I introduce you to my ex, whatever her name is. She's the person I told you about who wasn't faithful to me and dumped me as a friend immediately after my mum died."
I'm pretty certain that she won't stick around long after that. However you don't want to get into a big scene at someone else's wedding so if you can avoid her, that would be best.