ExH wants to see the kids less

[Stressymadre]

Hi! I hope it's ok to post this here. I'm not sure if it's the right place.

Basically, my exH has asked to have less contact with our two children (8 and 12). He has them one night a week and every other weekend (after school fri and then drops to school mon). This works out as 30% of the time. He's asked to now return them midday Sunday on his weekends as his girlfriend can't cope with them being around.
I know I am biased, they are lovely kids, genuinely lovely, kind, polite, helpful (and scared of their dad so definitely don't misbehave there!). There have been issues with the GF the past 3 years since they got together. They had a baby a year after they met (she moved in after 4-6 weeks of dating) and she's had issues about wanting to be put first and being the priority. They have split 4 times this past year because of this issue and apparently this is now a condition of them getting back together, is that he has to compromise with her and have our children less.
I mean... what do I even say to that?! I don't want to tell my kids their dad wants to see them less but equally, I'm not sure I want my kids around people who don't want them there.

She moved out so she's not there! She wants to move back in so this is the request.
I hear from the kids that she does nothing for them, I know that for sure. And I know my Ex always has the baby whenever he attends any event for my two ad he brings him.
Edited to add I have seen messages from her backing this up

Have DC told you this?
Doesn't sound like somewhere you would want to send DC at all? Sigh. Sounds like you have no choice but to agree with it.

This.

So every single time he has your two she ‘makes’ him have their child with him too?

This is easily solved. He just says no. How does it work in practice? How does she enforce this? Sigh.

Why should he not have all 3 dc together? He hasn't only got 2...maybe the gf is sick of him sidelining his responsibilities of their joint dc to her when the older ones are there..

You can get a court order to see how much he is actually getting as he will be paying himself the extra in dividends. This can then be taken into account when calculating maintenance. Might need to speak to CAB or a solicitor but it will probably be worth it

I've just spent 4 years fighting over this unfortunately. He doesn't pay himself much I'm dividends, he spends on his business account directly

I'm not saying that. But currently she's not there. She moved out and whenever my two are there, the baby is too, without her. There is a large age gap and it makes it difficult to do anything with our two as he has to meet the needs of a toddler with no other adult to support. In fact my two are doing a lot of looking after the youngest tbh,to help him

Agree she’s fed up of him shirking responsibilities here.

But he should also be able to spend time on his own with his older DC too. He could do this on some of the Sundays.

I wouldn’t believe too much of what this eternal victim tells you, the fact is they are HIS children and he’s putting his girlfriend ahead of them, I’d make clear to him that he’s a shit father and the kids will recognise that for themselves one day, so you hope he’s ready for the consequences.

They both sound awful. Your poor kids.

Been here myself. Although I caught exDH cheating, and chucked him out.
The OW didn't like the kids at their house, didn't like that I got any child support.

A couple of times the references on the bank transfer said @tramp" and other petty things like that. Never met her, never even spoken to her but she had serious issues with me and my kids.

Tell your ex to man up and put his kids first

The new squeeze is vermin imo. These women get with these "men" knowing they already have a family so what's the problem? Then it's us mums who are left to pick up the pieces and lie about why they don't see dad anymore

And look, she 'made a claim'' on your children's dad by getting pregnant with immodest haste to try and make herself ''as important'' as his first children.

Equally, @oakleaffy, you could say that OP's ex shagged her without a condom very early in their relationship, knowing her had existing dc to see and support 🤷🏼‍♀️

after a year of ex 'fighting' in family court for the contact the has always been on the table and is having, he's announces he's cutting contact by 60% with immediate effect. despite insisting EOW no changes, half the holidays (never wanted them before) and shared xmas day (never wanted that before either), he will see them once a months and not at all over xmas or at one child's birthday. i've worked out why (he's not the brightest!) and he indeed has the new partner who he lives with her children who supports him to not see his kids or pay maintenance.
i see it as a bonus now. they have a degree of contact with him but not enough to be of significance or influence in their lives. they have more opportunity to do the things they want to without being restricted by 'dads weekend' and they can continue to work things out for themselves.
i've let him now i think it's a positive turn of events which will annoy him no end 😂

As far as I’m concerned a nrp’s entire point is that they love and spend money and time with their kids. If they don’t want to do that then you are under no obligation to force them to go

@Ozanj it's good for the children that they do want to go as Disney Dad with no rules or bedtimes will often appeal. the day they say they don't want to go, they won't. all 3 old enough to make their own decisions. i agree the role of the NRP is different to the RP. in my case i'm the consistent, stable parent who financially provides and is there when they are ill or need blood tests and to celebrate their achievements by turning up to every school event and showing them that whatever is going on, the highs, the lows and the in between, mum is there for them.

Your poor children. They are better off without him. If they are frightened of him and he is effectively refusing to see his own children because his new bit on the side doesn't like them...can you cease contact entirely.

Behind every wicked stepmother is a weak man.

Sorry OP, this is a tale as old as time.