Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Seeing someone and they have slept with their ex

99 replies

Anonymous944 · 04/09/2024 11:24

Hi.
i know im not going to be popular on here. I slept with a co worker who had a partner of 11 years and 2 you children. 1 being 3 months.
they mutually ended it and about a month after I started seeing him. He is a devoted dad and sees his children every day. He told me he was going on holiday with ex and children which I agreed. Since he has come back off holiday he told me he has slept with his ex on 2 separate occasions and was flirty with her. He says he doesn’t wanna be with her and wants to see how things go between us. What do I do??

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 04/09/2024 15:51

I wouldn't place any reliance on his claim to have had a vasectomy, OP.

Be very careful with your contraception if you carry on seeing him.

KreedKafer · 04/09/2024 16:57

Anonymous944 · 04/09/2024 12:04

I will add he has also since had a vasectomy so I won’t be having kids with him.

What's that got to do with the price of fish? He's still a cunt.

Boomer55 · 04/09/2024 17:10

No, don’t play the “pick me dance” with a bloke. 🤷‍♀️

Hatty65 · 04/09/2024 17:12

What do you do?

Raise your standards a long way, love. They are round your ankles.

Diarygirlqueen · 04/09/2024 17:14

I hope he leaves his wife and 2 young children and stays with you. His wife can then move on to greater things and hopefully gets a happy ending which she deserves. You and him seem to have the same morals, you deserve each other.

Choochoo21 · 04/09/2024 18:00

They are still together.

You are and always will be the OW.

Flowery57 · 04/09/2024 18:05

You slept with him and his wife had a 3 month old baby? You are not part of the sisterhood are you? Have some decency!

MayaPinion · 04/09/2024 20:04

You’re insane wanting to be step mother to a three month old while he shags her mum and anyone else he can get his hands on.

yajustneverknow · 04/09/2024 20:08

Am I the only that read it as he mutually separated from his partner and then op started seeing him a month after that, so he wasn't with his ex while op was seeing him.

thursdaymurderclub · 04/09/2024 20:10

you both sound as bad as each other and probably derserve each other!

ActualChips · 04/09/2024 20:15

Sorry about the duplicate post upthread, internet was dodgy when I posted.

@Anonymous944 what do you plan to do?

whymewhyme · 04/09/2024 20:24

wow!

Changeyourfuckingcar · 04/09/2024 20:29

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. If you were happy enough to fuck a man with a wife and kids at home, one just months old, you really deserve all that shit that comes your way. Cut your losses and move on, and do better in the future!!

Isometimeswonder · 04/09/2024 20:30

You deserve eachother.

Alittlebitfluffy · 04/09/2024 20:37

TheBossOfMe · 04/09/2024 11:55

I doubt he's even split up with his ex - you're his side piece. Bin him.

100% this. Sounds like this is just a load of bullshit he's told you and you've fallen for it hook line and sinker. He likely still sees them daily cos he still lives there, and they never broke up. Why else would she go on holiday and play happy families with him if she knew he'd cheated on her and then dumped her for his side piece!

Bayern · 04/09/2024 21:03

yajustneverknow · 04/09/2024 20:08

Am I the only that read it as he mutually separated from his partner and then op started seeing him a month after that, so he wasn't with his ex while op was seeing him.

That's because that is what OP has written. It is what he has told her and what she wants to believe

It's a tale as old as time. He says he is separated, except he seems to have 'forgotten' to mention that to his 'ex'.

She says it right there in the OP, he sees his kids every day, ergo he sees their mother every day. They went on holiday together, with OP believing she had given her blessing where it was actually him saying he was going with her having no say in it. It was a family holiday. He says he doesn't want to be with the 'ex' and wants to see how things go with OP. He is having his cake and eating it. Giving OP a story that is close enough to true not to trip him up with his lies and because she has her lust blinkers on, she hasn't seen it.

simpledeer · 04/09/2024 21:27

You need to raise your bar! Where’s your self esteem?

Block him, get STI tested and get some therapy.

Givemegoldensun · 05/09/2024 05:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OnAndOnAndonAgain · 05/09/2024 05:46

yajustneverknow · 04/09/2024 20:08

Am I the only that read it as he mutually separated from his partner and then op started seeing him a month after that, so he wasn't with his ex while op was seeing him.

Well seeing as she said they mutually split a month after she started seeing him then yes, you probably are the only one

I doubt they are really separated, you are the bit on the side

Strugglingtothinkofausername · 05/09/2024 06:09

HazelPlayer · 04/09/2024 11:54

Also, a second hand man with two kids to pay for before he even has any with you, playing step mammy to other people's kids, "blended" families ......

Can you not find a man where you can have your firsts together, have only your kids together and have your household money going to only them? Kids cost a lot to raise.

Exactly I agree with this, which is why I personally don’t date men with kids - its a lot of sacrifice financial and otherwise with little benefit to me.

However I don’t think OP is likely to get that far with him anyway tbh. He will keep her as a casual thing and won’t be playing house with her.

OP this whole debacle is embarrassing, even setting aside that you slept with someone who isn’t single - the fact this man clearly has no respect for you and you’re just hanging around waiting to see what he decides is ridiculous. A man who values you and sees you as a catch wouldn’t treat you like this. I mean at least he’s been honest about sleeping with his ex but the problem is he doesn’t take you seriously or see a future with you or he would NOT be telling you that.

Vasectomy or not you’re all putting your lives and health at risk - I bets you’re not using protection.

kkloo · 05/09/2024 06:15

Even if he didn't cheat with you before they split up, you were absolutely mad to start seeing him one month out of an 11 year relationship when he had a 3 month old baby at home.

Many family break ups aren't clean splits where they decide to break up and that's it done. There's often a lot of feelings left, they still feel like they're together in lots of ways even if they said they weren't in words.

You said he saw his kids every day, so presumably that means he's in the family home every day and not taking the kids overnight, all reinforcing that they're still a family. Very very easy for them to slip back into bed together and he won't feel bad about it because his history and family is with her.

But you did cheat so there's even less reason to expect any loyalty from him. If he can cheat on his partner who has a small baby then he can cheat on anyone.

And now even though he cheated on her and was lucky that they managed to be friendly afterwards he then goes and sleeps with her even though he doesn't want to be with her? He really doesn't care about peoples feelings does he?

I would say there's a high chance he hasn't told her that they split at all, and she just thinks they're taking a break and working on things.

That's if he still isn't living in the family home!

Dotty87 · 05/09/2024 08:15

Anonymous944 · 04/09/2024 12:04

I will add he has also since had a vasectomy so I won’t be having kids with him.

Is that what he's told you so you'll have unprotected sex?

He's already proven he's a liar, as others have said it doesn't sound like he's actually ended this with the "ex".

Doggymummar · 05/09/2024 08:17

No one is this clueless are they? You leave them to it

Blobblobblob · 05/09/2024 08:20

Ffs

You believe this steaming pile of shit because...??

Trying to be kind here but please, come on.

He clearly thinks you are stupid, because this version of events wouldn't convince most people.

You posted, you must know the answer is to block him and never let a man treat you like this again.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread