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Original poster

How to explain to my partner I want to freeze eggs, not only embryos

57 replies

naomimn · 03/09/2024 20:55

Obviously the main advantage of freezing eggs over embryos is that it gives you flexibility ie I would always need my DH's consent to use embryos but can use my own eggs without anyone else's consent. DH knows this as a doctor literally told us both this at a consultation.

We are currently going through IVF, without explaining in too much detail I'm still young-ish but not super young, unexplained infertility. I want a large family so would like to go for several cycles of freezing before implanting an embryo and the IVF is financed by my inheritance / my own savings. We live a comfortable enough life and my husband is of the opinion that my inheritance is mine to use however I wish so financially he wouldn't object. Of course as soon as I say I'd also like some eggs frozen, as well as embryos, he will see this as "I want insurance in case this relationship fails". Not romantic at all and I suspect he might get really mad, say that I'm not fully committed etc. Overall the relationship is going well and we make each other very happy but I'm a cynical person and ... you just never know. What if we meet an irreconcilable disagreement in a few years, what if he (or I) meets the most stunning girl and falls in love / cheats, what is for whatever reason it doesn't work out. You never think it'll be you but it does happen so could be any of us. I don't want to sacrifice my dream of having a large family if anything does happen (however unlikely it seems at the moment) but I also don't want to drive someone I love away because I am truly happy with him. I don't want to hide the fact I'm freezing eggs from him and I don't think I really could, with how many injections and scans there are.

Any advice / tips?

OP posts:
SuddenlyINeedToGoCauseIHaveAThing · 07/09/2024 10:00

Mumtobabyhavoc · 05/09/2024 20:17

What an absolutely stupid and irresponsible comment by the doctor. Consider finding someone else.

Show quote history

Totally – why tf would he say that 🙄

No relationship is guaranteed. As someone has said above, if the male partner changes their mind, you can’t use the embryos. The main reason older pregnancies fail is egg quality. It makes a lot of sense to freeze eggs now, which many people do (and is presumably why so many older celebs manage to conceive at 50).

If you know already you have unexplained subfertility it makes a lot of sense to act now.

So far as I can tell, the OP wasn’t asking for advice (or permission) as to whether to freeze her eggs or not, she was asking about broaching this with her DH – presumably because this daft dr has suggested that this means the male partner should be worried.

Naunet · 07/09/2024 10:13

If he’s the sort of man to get mad over you making your own perfectly rational choices around your fertility, I’d ask you why on earth you think he’s the sort of man you’d want a baby with.

Sewannoying · 07/09/2024 10:15

“ I’ve done my cycle, and they harvested my ten eggs. Using your sperm, They fertilised 4 eggs and we have 3 embryos and I have 6 eggs on the side”

The thing is though, keeping some eggs aside reduces the chance of having any embryos. I had a 45 eggs collected over two cycles, but only one viable embryo.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/09/2024 10:26

'If you die and the embryos don't take or there's an accident in storage, I want some eggs in separate storage just in case'.

It is literally not keeping all your eggs in one basket.

SuddenlyINeedToGoCauseIHaveAThing · 07/09/2024 10:39

Sewannoying · 07/09/2024 10:15

“ I’ve done my cycle, and they harvested my ten eggs. Using your sperm, They fertilised 4 eggs and we have 3 embryos and I have 6 eggs on the side”

The thing is though, keeping some eggs aside reduces the chance of having any embryos. I had a 45 eggs collected over two cycles, but only one viable embryo.

Yeah this is an argument for freezing eggs in a separate round.

SuddenlyINeedToGoCauseIHaveAThing · 07/09/2024 10:44

OhWell45 · 06/09/2024 17:43

I had a 2 fresh cycles and 5 / 6 frozen cycles of ICSI. The first cycle I had 29 eggs. They fertilised them the called daily to tell me how many zygotes made it through the night. It's was very stressful. In the end I only had 1 blastocyst and that was implanted. The second round I ended up with 10 blastocyst. I implanted 2 and froze the rest. These resulted in two twin pregnancies and miscarriage and 1 live birth. I spent about £40k.

If I wanted to do what you are suggesting my rationale would be that each blastocyst/ embro is a potential baby. That the idea of having lots of potential babies on ice would make you feel compelled to use them because you wouldn't want them destroyed. However, having eggs frozen is different. They aren't fertilised so they aren't a potential future child.

My DC was my final a result of my last transfer. But, if I had more frozen I would have 100 % wanted to use them.

IVF is pretty brutal. It has a huge impact on so many areas of people's lives. It really impacted my MH. I know loads of people who's relationships didn't make it. I think freezing eggs is very sensible.

A few suggestions:
It's worth having fertility counselling. My clinic offered 6 sessions with each cycle.

Asda pharmacy doesn't make profit on IVF drugs. My clinic charge nothing for a private prescription but some of the drugs were stupid expensive. I got everything much cheaper via Asda apart from progesterone oil.

That is a good tip about asda pharmacy!

HRCsMumma · 07/09/2024 10:58

Daisys24 · 03/09/2024 22:31

Your best chance at having a baby now is by creating them all as embryos and freezing those that remain. I had 2 fresh transfers and 5 frozen transfers before I got my miracle and I was under 30 with unexplained infertility. I wouldn’t gamble on a potential big family for no baby at all. If the IVF works then once you have a baby, look at freezing eggs.

I agree. Having been through IVF there's no guarantee. Focus on having your first before trying to mass procreate.

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