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Original poster

What must I do?

28 replies

Lostinreality1 · 02/09/2024 12:45

After a long thinking and hesitation I am posting this publicly.

I had my breakup in 2021 with my boyfriend from college due to family pressure.

I was under immense depression since my 7 years old relationship had ended. Eventually I met someone from my job who was married and had 2 children but his marriage wasnt working out. I was so naive that when i started having relationship with him I didnt think of the word AFFAIR but i was in love.

Before i committed my self to the relationship, i made it very clear that i can be in this only if this goes into marriage. i dont want a time-pass relationship and he was also ready for that.

When he was progressing and taking steps for divorce, we found that his mother has cancer and she is in her last days of her life. Within another 3-4 days, we found that his wife has a chronic heart failure and she too was living in her last days of life. Fact is no one else know about this except me, him and the doctor. Doctors have told that even a slight amount of excess enthu / sadness can lead them straight to the death bed.

My parents are forcing me to marry someone (they dont know about our relationship). Now we are not sure of doing what.

Literally - should we open up about things to all and open the pandora / wait for them to go die ( i may look like a sadist). But with my parents pushing for my marriage soon there is no time left.

Our relationship is fine, we take care of each other and each other's family without them knowing it. All expenses are shared, everything is mutual. We still plan to move our relationship to marriage but we dont know how.

OP posts:
Deipara · 02/09/2024 12:47

You don't know how to get married?!

loropianalover · 02/09/2024 12:47

Aren’t there creative writing forums or websites that you people can go to?! I’m tired.

Arlanymor · 02/09/2024 12:51

“When he was progressing and taking steps for divorce, we found that his mother has cancer and she is in her last days of her life. Within another 3-4 days, we found that his wife has a chronic heart failure and she too was living in her last days of life. Fact is no one else know about this except me, him and the doctor. Doctors have told that even a slight amount of excess enthu / sadness can lead them straight to the death bed.”

This paragraph has all the alarm bells ringing… it’s utter tosh, no doctor would ever say that. I assume that he’s stalled the divorce (if he ever started it) and is using made up family disasters after made up family disasters to string you along at the same time. I take it you don’t know or have met any of these people - this information is purely coming from him? You need to think hard about that.

In terms of the situation with your parents I sympathise if this is a forced or arranged marriage scenario. But you need to think of it out of the context of your existing relationship - if you wouldn’t want to marry their match even if you were single then that is where the issue lies. You can get help and support in standing up to your parents if you need it - the Halo Project and Karma Nirvana come to mind. You shouldn’t ever have to consider marrying someone you don’t want to.

Justlurking101 · 02/09/2024 12:51

He's probably lying about his wife's illness so he doesn't have to divorce and can keep you as his mistress. Are you parents arranging your marriage to a stranger if they don't know you have an affair relationship? Sounds messy.

Pinkbonbon · 02/09/2024 12:52

... ... he's a liar.

Honey if this is real...marriage means nothing to him as he cheats on his wife already. So what would be the point in marrying him? Marriage obviously isn't something he respects.

Secondly, neither his mum or wife are dying. Come on now op. He's lying to you. Duh.

Thirdly, divorce takes a long time.

And fourth, your parents can want you to marry all they want but if there's no one to marry around then that plan isn't happening. Obviously.

5128gap · 02/09/2024 13:00

Definitely tell your parents you don't want the marriage. Tell them you don't think the chosen man is right for you. Be firm. Once that's off the table it's one less thing to worry about. Then you need a serious chat with affair man. I don't know of any medical condition where being divorced causes a person to immediately die. So if he's telling you this, he's a liar and youre naive. Its up to you if you wait for him to be widowed or not, but whichever, you'd do better waiting apart from him than together.

Original poster
Lostinreality1 · 02/09/2024 13:09

Guys, on the hospital front, I myself met the doctor and the reports and conditions of his mother and wife are true..

I am screwed !!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lostinreality1 · 02/09/2024 13:12

Agreed. I have been dodging my marriage and my parent's proposal for last 1.5 yrs due to this relationship. Now i am on the edge of the cliff not knowing what to do :(

OP posts:
EddieMunson · 02/09/2024 13:13

Lostinreality1 · 02/09/2024 13:09

Guys, on the hospital front, I myself met the doctor and the reports and conditions of his mother and wife are true..

I am screwed !!!!!

Is the same doctor treating both?

Arlanymor · 02/09/2024 13:14

Lostinreality1 · 02/09/2024 13:09

Guys, on the hospital front, I myself met the doctor and the reports and conditions of his mother and wife are true..

I am screwed !!!!!

Erm I don’t know who you met, but it wasn’t the doctor. You would need the permission of the patient for that and neither of them know you and would almost certainly NOT give you permission even if they did.

Pinkbonbon · 02/09/2024 13:16

Lostinreality1 · 02/09/2024 13:09

Guys, on the hospital front, I myself met the doctor and the reports and conditions of his mother and wife are true..

I am screwed !!!!!

Really, you went to his wife's appointments? What did she say to that? Because I'd be asking who the fuck this random woman was coming to my hospital appointment! And check those doctors credentials.

If it is true, this all still sounds messy. Time to break up. Well tbf that was ages ago but come on now op, grow a backbone amd stop being a passenger in your own life.

Original poster
Lostinreality1 · 02/09/2024 13:18

First we went to the same doctor. now they both have different doctors

OP posts:
Original poster
Lostinreality1 · 02/09/2024 13:18

EddieMunson · 02/09/2024 13:13

Is the same doctor treating both?

Show quote history

First we went to the same doctor. now they both have different doctors

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 02/09/2024 13:19

50 quid says his buddy just put on a white coat and was like 'it's my turn to be pretend doctor today. I need you to tell my woman on the side I'm dying next week though Sam because she's pregnant and I need to escape her'.

Biggaybear · 02/09/2024 13:20

So you were in a meeting with his wife's Doctor & him ? How were you described....as his lover ??? If you are in the UK there are all sorts of protocols as to who are allowed access to patients details.

MsNeis · 02/09/2024 13:20

Extremely suspicious situation IMO...

Original poster
Lostinreality1 · 02/09/2024 13:22

Pinkbonbon · 02/09/2024 13:19

50 quid says his buddy just put on a white coat and was like 'it's my turn to be pretend doctor today. I need you to tell my woman on the side I'm dying next week though Sam because she's pregnant and I need to escape her'.

I wish that were true so that i can decide on the next steps. Unfortunately it isnt.
There was a visit to a random doctor today and they say his wife condition is critical due to her chronic heart failure. We are just too scared to open this as the shock may affect her health and yeah we musnt forget his kids. Would it be easy to live with them when they will blame me that i killed their mom?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lostinreality1 · 02/09/2024 13:23

Biggaybear · 02/09/2024 13:20

So you were in a meeting with his wife's Doctor & him ? How were you described....as his lover ??? If you are in the UK there are all sorts of protocols as to who are allowed access to patients details.

This happened while i was India. There anyone can get access to the records as they hand over a copy when you leave the hospital.

OP posts:
Frith2013 · 02/09/2024 13:28

What rubbish.

My dad has been in heart failure for 20 years and he's managed to withstand bad news and upset during that time.

Justcallmebebes · 02/09/2024 13:33

Does his family and kids know about your affair?

It does look a bit grim to say the least that you are having an affair with a man whose wife is dying and being allowed access to her personal medical information

Arlanymor · 02/09/2024 13:38

So you feel completely fine with speaking to doctor(s) about another two women’s extremely private health matters do you? That’s actually vile and you should be utterly ashamed, even if you don’t seem to care that you are having an affair and damaging a family. You need to take an incredibly long and hard look at yourself. Your behaviour is abhorrent, my sympathy is gone.

wrongthinker · 02/09/2024 13:38

What a load of bollocks.

Just tell him you no longer want to be his affair partner. What he decides to do next is entirely up to him. If he ends the marriage and comes to you as a single man, you can introduce him to your parents and see what they think.

But I guarantee you the thing with his wife is a massive lie and he's not planning on leaving her ever. Why would he?

Pinkbonbon · 02/09/2024 13:42

Have you no respect for her at all?
Or yourself?

What do you say to us telling you he cheats in his wife so will cheat on you? You understand that right?

And you are asking us, what about his kids? How they will feel if learning about the affair kills their mum? I don't know op, you tell us.

How about if when she dies, you move in and start playing mother at some point soon after? Think they'd like that? I wouldn't hold my breath!

If he had a shred of decency, he would say 'my wife is dying so I'm going to end our affair and ve with my family in this difficult time'.

But he doesn't. Of course not. Because he's already looking for a new babysitter for his children.

Get out of this 'relationship'. Fast.

Pinkbonbon · 02/09/2024 13:44

Ps: even if your parents arrange a marriage for you, they surely can't choose worse than this utter asshole you've chosen.

Breadcat24 · 02/09/2024 13:45

i am getting bored of these chat bot posts