Is my friend fake/jealous (secret hater)

[Ame1924]

I've recently had a baby.. well a 7 month old baby girl (first child)

My friend already has 2 children, 2 girls, they are 6 and 13

I'm 29 and she is 31

I've started to notice a few things recently and more so since I've become a mother

So I dress my daughter really girly, pink, frills you name it. And when we are out shopping she will pick up the most boyish/ugly outfit and say "why don't you get this for baby" and ill reply that's not my kind of choice. She will say "aww don't you like it, I think that's lovely" she also picks out tracksuits that I just would not put my daughter in.. what I'm getting at is she KNOWS my taste for my daughter & the things she points out are no where near girly/frilly/pretty

She constantly tells me certain foods MY baby would love (I've started weeing the baby from y months) she's still experimenting. "Oh what you should do is this and that.. she would love that" even to the point it will be 11 o'clock at night and she's sending me YouTube or tik tok videos of food ideas for babys" and tells me over and over that her kids loved it when they were babys.

Also my and the baby's father are not on the best terms (split up) but I get on with his family great. The one day babys fathers sister (so the baby's auntie) was coming to pick baby up to spend a few hours with her dad. Said friend said to me "I don't like all that. I don't trust her" when she's never met her or had a conversation with her.

She also says "I'm sick of seeing his sister (babys auntie) commenting on your photos of the baby on Facebook.. I said why? Again she said I don't trust her.

She also once found out the baby had spent a few hours with her nan (babys fathers mum) and she said "what, you let her go over her house without you!"

I'm feeling a really weird vibe

She's a single mother her self and the children have 2 different fathers & neither of those fathers have ever been involved with her kids

I'm definitely feeling some kind of weird jealously! I could give so many more examples

What dl u guys think, am I thinking to much into it

Honestly? You don't come across well so could be both of you

Why don't i

I'm not getting what's weird.

She's suggesting clothes and possible food based on her experience and warning you about possible issues you may not be seeing. What's wrong with any of that? You don't have to follow any advice but what would be her motivation to make such comments?

Are you worried your baby will be a tracksuit wearing teenager eating spicy food one day??

To me she doesn’t sound jealous just a bit over invested and maybe protective. She’s possibly projecting a little in all areas but particularly with the in-laws as she had a very different experience but doesn’t sound jealous, just protective and shocked as her experience wasn’t that. That’s what this sounds like to me at least.

I don't know about the clothes part. But the food part I think she is genuinely trying to help. It is hard a few months into weaning and you have to get creative try meals etc

Just to clarify when I say projecting in all areas I mean she knows what she likes or worked well and is suggesting that rather than going with only what you like/do. Nothing is harmful in anyway or too pushy it seems.

She doesn’t sound like she’s trying to hate
sounds like she’s trying giving you a lot of unwanted advice now you have a first baby and now her kids are grown
She’s picking out outfits that she would choose for her kids most likely
you have only had baby seven months she sounds like trying to help
when you have your first baby, you will find lots of people give you unwonted advice or suggestions based on what they did
as for her comments about your baby’s paternal family her idea about them has most probably come from you Discussing the father
I don’t see how her saying those things is pointing towards jealousy of you, you are overreacting

It's just unwanted advice/opinions.

We all get those as soon as we've pissed on the stick 🤷‍♂️

If you think differently then you're free to distance yourself from her.

I agree about the clothes though

😀😀

Exactly what do you think she might be ‘jealous’ of, OP? Aren’t you in broadly similar positions, both single mothers of daughters, much the same age as one another?

I personally think she's jealous that I have a baby that's getting all this attention wherever I go. And her kids are older now and don't really get fussed over by strangers in shops, or old lady's walking past like my baby does

I also think she's jealous that my babys father wants a relationship with our baby and all his family fuss over our baby even under the circumstances of us not being together anymore, and she has 2 baby father's and neither of them have ever been invovled or wanted to be involved and neither have either of their family's. I get the impression that she would be happy if my babys father did a runner and never contacted me about or baby again

We've been friends for years, she had her eldest years ago now, I use to walk around with her and she use to get lots of attention over her beautiful daughter at the time.. I think she's jealous that she doesn't get that anymore so is trying to sabotage me and my baby by making me dress her like an idiot

I know it sounds childish, but she's the kind of person to tell you to shave all your hair off because it would "really suit you"

I would assume she doesn’t like the clothes you are picking for your daughter, and is suggesting others that she prefers or sees as more appropriate for a young baby.

On the food it sounds like she’s trying to be helpful - how is it relevant that she’s sending it late at night?

On the family, it sounds like she doesn’t feel you should trust them. Only you know (deep down) if there is any basis to that. If not, perhaps she is projecting or just being over protective.

Sounds a bit intense but I can’t see jealousy in there.

Lol ok

You know her best OP

I admire you for trying to maintain your daughter's relationship with her family regardless of your current relationship with her father. Maybe your friend is jealous of that.

As for your clothing choices when she asks you why return the focus to her. Ask her why it bothers her for you to dress your child as you see fit.
As for food tell her you have a food introduction plan that is working well. You won't need another one for several months.

Oh, OP, it’s deeply tragic that you think she’s envying you for having a small baby because it ‘attracts attention in shops’. Isn’t it just as likely she feels sorry for you? Having a seven month old by yourself isn’t easy, and depending on how old her daughters were when she split with their fathers, she possibly knows what it’s like. I personally tend to feel sorry with anyone still at the maternity leave stage, because I found it to miserable myself.

The fathers of her kids have never been invovled (2 one night stands which ended in pregnancy)

And I love everything about being a mum, do not find it miserable at all

Also how I dress my baby is EXACTLY how she use to dress her 2 kids when they were babys. Very girly and pretty. She's picking out things that she never put on her own daughters.

She would never dress either of her girls in a tracksuit. It was frilly dresse like me

You are click baiting and absolutely ridiculous

The clothes thing, I had a friend who said that I dressed my babies like little old people. We are friends so we laughed about it, I never felt that she meant any harm. We just had different tastes.

I’m not sure that you are coming across very well.

Do you like this woman?

because if comes across as though you do not, so step away from the relationship.

I don't know why your friend gives you the time of day tbh, you sound very nasty and judgemental

These are the same sister and mother who harass you and send you arsey messages when you block or try to get away from your abusive ex (the baby’s dad)? The one who is forcibly trying to move into your house? You think your friend is jealous of you because she says not to trust them and sends you baby recipes?

You have dozens of people begging you to get counselling and contact Women’s Aid on your other thread. Your (well meaning, by the sounds of it) friend is not the problem.

Ok having seen everything else that has happened in the last few months I think you just have a friend who is looking out for you.

And with the clothes maybe her tastes have changed. Your baby wouldn’t look like an “idiot” in them but it’s not your taste.

I think you need to speak to some one, possibly a counsellor or similar as you seem to have a very confusing relationship with your ex which has quickly flipped from harassment to supportive and now you seem to be looking to paint your own support system in a bad light. There’s something you are fighting her and it shouldn’t be your friend. He actions are annoying at best but it seems she is right to have some concerns over the family situation.

You’re very immature and judgmental.

She really isn’t jealous because your baby Gets attention from strangers. She couldn’t care less as she’s moved past that stage with her own children.