Upset whilst on holiday

[Creamegg18]

So here I am on holiday in a 5 star hotel feeling down. This is our family holiday, something that I needed due to stress/busy with work and home life and wanted some bonding time with the kids.l and partner.

Holiday was thousands where my partner paid a contribution and I paid the most as I earn a little more than him. Hotel gave us a free room upgrade and everything about the hotel is perfect.

The other day my partner’s gym gear (trousers) disappeared from our terrace after he washed it and letting it to dry. As it was windy I mentioned it may have got blown away, we checked with the cleaner with limited English and she said she hadn’t seen it. Partner is insistent that one of the maintenance guys nicked it after he visited due to a fault with the door.

He confronted hotel reception and they said it may have been taken by a fellow guest etc. Partner then says he wants a crime reference from the police if a fellow guest nicked it. That evening, hotel messaged me to say that they think they have the trousers found near the pools. Partner doesn’t believe them and said it was the maintenance guy. He was incensed and couldn’t sleep, missed his next days gym and been in a foul mood and with me because he thinks I’m siding with the hotel and that I said it’s only trousers and not an expensive jewellery or electronic.

This has ruin our holiday and we are not talking. I’m fed up with his general attitude and for me it’s embarrassing as I emailed the hotel months ago for our two rooms to be close together etc and not only have they done that, they also gave us a free room upgrade worth nearly a grand.

Our last holiday he upset me too as I carried two hot drinks, ice cream and cakes etc where I was struggling as drinks were hot and he couldn’t come over from his sun lounger to help me but moaned as I got him the wrong drink. This holiday I paid for as his birthday present.

I don’t think I want another holiday now but I feel for the kids as they are having so much fun and hotel has been great.

What Lizs wrote.

Well take him up on his offer when you get back and LTB.

You must not let him ruin your holiday. If he wants to be moody and sulky etc leave him to it. You sound like you are working hard to manage his moods all the time and that is exhausting.

Just to make you laugh a bit, I once lost a dress whilst on holiday in a luxury bungalow in Thailand. I'd left it to dry, along with other clothes, near the swimming pool and when we came back from a day out it was gone.
I was convinced that the monkeys had taken it because it was brightly coloured. The rest of my party agreed with me.
The hotel were rather more sceptical but wrote me a letter for insurance purposes anyway, commenting that there were a lot of monkeys living in the resort.
The maintenance team found it the next day in the swimming pool filter. It must have blown into the water and got trapped.
It was also completely unscathed and I still wear it. 😂 🐒

This. I’d just drop the rope, enjoy the dc, do lots of fun activities with them and just be civil and neutral with the grumpy dick head. Will he do anything with dc alone so you can get some relaxed time? Then plan your exit when you get back (or take him up on his offer of it being over when you get back!).

This reminds me of a holiday in the early 60s, in Spain, when my mother's bathing suit blew off a balcony, and went missing. Next door to the hotel was a garden with a small compound containing a chimpanzee. My father, siblings and I made up a story, that the chimpanzee had escaped and climbed up to the balcony and stolen the bathing suit. We teased my mother about this the whole holiday, relating incidents where we had seen the chimpanzee out and about, wearing my mother's bathing suit!

I think he's lost face, whatever the truth of the incident, and now just can't relax. He appears to feel ganged up on. I actually feel quite sorry for him, as he seems very isolated and unable to break his own emotional deadlock. It's a miserable place to be.

There's the added pressure (as at Christmas) of having to have a Good Time - not only on holiday but a holiday someone else is treating him to.

Something about this trivial situation has triggered a strong defensive reaction. If he's open to reflecting on it a bit more and the OP could be a bit more curious, both of them might learn something new.

It's easy to shame him for being a manchild but we are all capable of acting like angry children when we feel vulnerable or triggered by something. Hopefylly his defences lower enough for you to have a fruitful conversation before the end of your break, OP.

There is no excuse or justification for such behaviour. I also note that on a previous holiday she was struggling to carry food and drinks and he wouldn’t get off his sun lounger. In addition he moaned at her for getting him the wrong drink.

OPs man is both a fun sponge and abusive. His OTT reactions to his shorts going missing (the wind likely carried them off the terrace) is testament to this. He's blamed the hotel staff, the maintenance man, his dad (for being a worrier) so its everyone else's fault except his own. He is an ungrateful wretch of a man along with being a terrible influence to OPs children. I sincerely hope OP and he part ways permanently at the end of this holiday.

What does this guy bring to the party?

Ditch him and have a nicer life.

Toddlers usually grow up and out of that sort of childish behaviour so it’s rather odd that you reserve your sympathy for him and not the people who have to live with his nonsense. This isn’t a one-off situation. Remember how rude he has been on numerous occasions to the OP?

They’re the ones who actually deserve your pity.

Do you tend to support the underdog no matter the situation? That’s often the sign of a low in confidence, people pleaser personality in my experience.

Exactly.
This man cannot emotionally regulate. A skill that is usually mature by 25 in most adults.
He is not a good bet as a partner.

It’s not women’s job to fix men.

100% - unfortunately it sounds like a constantly miserable life lies ahead for the OP unless she gets rid of him as soon as possible.

I had a seven year relationship with someone like this, it was so draining. Once I left I never looked back, it was like a huge weight had been lifted off me.

As someone who spent years working in hotels, you're absolutely right to be extremely embarrassed by your partners attitude. I have experience of this exact scenario, a woman accusing the cleaners of stealing an item (we all knew that was not the case, the cleaning staff had all worked there for years. We told her it was probably in her suitcase). When the guest returned home, she called us to say that she had found the item in her suitcase.

I personally couldn't be in a relationship with someone like that. Sorry, OP but I think you deserve better.

Just read your second post, can’t believe he's still accusing someone of theft after they're turned up! Wow. He is horrible. That poor maintenance guy, a person your partner knows nothing about. Wow.

I know. That’s why he is annoyed with me for siding with the hotel. I forgot to mention too that during the evening we went to dinner and he was in a mood afterwards as he thought our waiter was taking the piss out of us just because waiter was laughing with his colleagues but apparently looking over at our table. My teen daughter said this to me. I said that the waiter had to look over at our table because he was our waiter and we may have needed something.

I thought the waiter was super lovely and gave him a tip. Perhaps the saga over his trousers made him paranoid. It’s so unnecessary.

So OP do you -

Plan to try and change him?
Put up with him?
Leave him?

It's one of those three options. Do tell, since it looks like you are looking for advice but will not put anything into action. Or will you? I hope you do.

Would you be happier on your own?

Blimey OP, he must suck the joy out of your life! Read back everything you have written and ask yourself why you stay with him and what example are you giving your kids. You sound incredibly capable and clearly have a good job so please see him for the tw*t he is and LTB!

Your daughter must be embarrassed too. Is he an “alpha male”, Andrew Tate fan, easily emasculated type? He doesn’t seem to be pulling his weight really…. Just throwing it around to make himself seem important. Very unattractive.

To be honest, I don’t know due to the kids. He mentioned previously life is not worth it if he was alone.

If it wasn’t for them, I would have left him ages ago.

There's a much better life for you out there without this bullying, sulking man-child.

His happiness is not your responsibility.

"He mentioned previously life is not worth it if he was alone."

This is a veiled threat designed to stop you from leaving him. So he gets to behave any way he wants and you have no agency in how this affects your life (and indeed your children's lives).

I'd be having a serious think about whether you want to spent your life with a man like that. You know you deserve better, right?

Staying with a bully "for the sake of the kids" is a myth. His behaviour will be causing more damage than you realise.

At the very least, I would never go on holiday with him again.

I think for your sake and the kids sake you need to separate from this unpleasant man and get your life back.

He could have 50/50 access...

But I bet he won't because he likes you to do the running around.

Anyway don't let him black mail or guilt you into staying because it suits him.

He's an entitled arsehole. The fact that he ruined the last holiday and you keep paying for him to ruin the next........

So leave him now. I desperately wish my parents had split up instead of staying together "for the kids"

I'd have much rather had a house where my parent was happy even if I only spent 50% of my time there. Instead I'm 40 and still having to fight the teachings of a childhood trying not to set off one of my Dad's moods.

Staying together "for the kids" is just an excuse cowards use to avoid doing the difficult thing.