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Adultwork site

49 replies

MyPlumReader · 30/08/2024 20:13

I have found history on my husbands phone from this site. What is it?

OP posts:
Saucison · 30/08/2024 20:14

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

MyPlumReader · 30/08/2024 20:28

oh my days. I was hoping it wasn’t that

OP posts:
Saucison · 30/08/2024 20:32

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HighlyStrung1987 · 30/08/2024 20:41

He might have just been curious but not actually looking, iykwim. It's obviously on my own search history now after reading this thread after all, but I'd easily be able to explain if my partner were to see.

MyPlumReader · 30/08/2024 20:47

No it’s no mistake he also watches porn online while I’m at work. Gutting he is doing this.

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MyPlumReader · 30/08/2024 20:50

He has gone on this site a good few times.

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HighlyStrung1987 · 30/08/2024 20:58

My partner watches porn when I'm not around and I sometimes watch it too. It doesn't mean anything, it's just daft fantasy stuff that gets you off. I would guess that 90% of men watch porn but a lot of them just don't tell their partners. I really wouldn't worry.

username44416 · 30/08/2024 20:59

MyPlumReader · 30/08/2024 20:50

He has gone on this site a good few times.

Can you log in on his laptop or phone? It might sign you in automatically and you can see if there are any messages. It's not looking good.

HighlyStrung1987 · 30/08/2024 21:02

Not sure further invasion of privacy is the way to go. Why not just ask him outright?

MyPlumReader · 30/08/2024 21:05

I can see it on his history. But when I get to be able to do it he will have deleted it as he always does. He doesn’t know I look at his phone. Yes I know I shouldn’t but than he shouldn’t be watching porn or go on to these sites. Every time I approach the subject of porn etc he says nothing. Just makes out he would never do it and loves me loads.

OP posts:
Waggytail · 30/08/2024 21:05

HighlyStrung1987 · 30/08/2024 21:02

Not sure further invasion of privacy is the way to go. Why not just ask him outright?

I doubt he'd own up to paying for prostitutes even if that were the case.

MyPlumReader · 30/08/2024 21:08

to cut a long story short. I asked if I was enough for him as we don’t have sex very often. I also said the only reason I could come up with was he didn’t want to with me or he has been watching porn. His reply was. He gets tired. But loves me to bits and wouldn't watch porn. I thought it would give him the chance to start a conversation about it but no.

OP posts:
username44416 · 30/08/2024 21:08

HighlyStrung1987 · 30/08/2024 21:02

Not sure further invasion of privacy is the way to go. Why not just ask him outright?

It's very unusual for someone who is paying for sex to admit it outright.

MyPlumReader · 30/08/2024 21:09

There is also no money going out of our account if he is paying? I do appreciate you listening to me.

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Immemorialelms · 30/08/2024 21:11

Do you see watching porn and paying for sex with sex workers as the same thing? I think pretty much all men watch porn - and that could include looking at profiles or free content on sites like adult work (I would assume there is some free content). But not the same at all as paying.

Saucison · 30/08/2024 21:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

HighlyStrung1987 · 30/08/2024 21:36

Just spoke to my partner and he pointed out that escort site pop ups appear on a lot of porn sites (he's right, they do). Your partner was probably just looking at porn and had some pop ups running in the background for that other site. Either way, if you don't trust him enough to ask him about it outright and believe his answer, and you're checking his search history, then it sounds like there are some bigger issues that need addressing.

simpledeer · 30/08/2024 21:46

It means he is paying for sexual gratification. Probably 1:1 sessions online.

I would leave.

MyPlumReader · 31/08/2024 07:16

a few years ago I found out my husband was chatting to girls online. Stupid silly flirting. I was absolutely gutted. He didn’t know why he did it etc. we sorted it out and got on with life. Before that I trusted him 100%. And since then we have been fine. He always tells me he loves me etc. but then I notice things and start looking at his phone and noticing things at home that’s when I started to look at his phone and there was the porn sites. I don’t think they are pop ups as it’s the same site he uses all the time. Like you all I know men watch porn and my husband is no different but tell me when the chance arrives. Don’t blatantly lie. Yes it will probably be embarrassing to him but we have been there before I just don’t understand and have no idea what to do

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HighlyStrung1987 · 31/08/2024 07:29

Respectfully, I think this is a conversation you need to have with your partner, not strangers on mumsnet. It sounds like there's a lot of unresolved stuff going on in the background and all anyone here can offer you is speculation. The well intended, uninformed reassurance you receive here won't reassure you, and the uninformed judgemental comments will just fuel your anxiety. At the end of the day only your partner knows what he has or hasn't done.

MyPlumReader · 31/08/2024 07:54

Very true. There is only my husband and I that can sort this. Many thanks for all your input. It has helped me put it into perspective.

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HazelPlayer · 31/08/2024 08:24

Personally I don't mind porn in moderation and watch it myself.

Adult work is something entirely different.

It would be important to know if the history is really due to pop ups on porn sites or whether he went on adultwork either directly or purposefully clicked on a link from eg a porn site.

If either of the latter .... He purposely went on adultwork and that means he's purposefully browsing (at the very least).a sex work/prostitution site.

The "caught chatting & flirting (and sexting?) online with other women" is disturbing.

You say you sorted it out but to be blunt, you don't "sort out" someone flirting (and sexting?) with other women ..... It's a type of infidelity and the partner who accepts it is a victim of infidelity. The partner who did it doesn't really suffer any consequences. Nothing"s "sorted" in my book. They just got away with it and are probably inclined to behaviour like that.

It reminds of lots of women on here who say "we got through it" about their partner cheating on them. How did "we" get through it, it wasn't something that somehow happened to you both; it was something immoral and disloyal that one of you did to the other.
These men often repeat similar behaviour. When there's an unhappy woman on here, talking about unacceptable behaviour, there's almost always a background to that behaviour.

For me, it would be instrumental to find out if those hits in adult work were truly pop ups or if he's browsing a sex work site.

(Having cheated before - let's call a spade a spade).

I wonder if you, not him, had been caught doing all that "silly" flirting etc. with other men, if you'd still even be in a relationship.

HazelPlayer · 31/08/2024 08:33

He didn’t know why he did it etc.

He did.

He just couldn't be honest about why he did it.

(Gratification, titillation, stimulation, desire to have flirtatious/sexual interaction with other women even though he's supposed to be in a monogamous relationship, lack of boundaries and decency and loyalty in his relationship, double standards etc etc).

He's not going to sink himself and end up (at best) listening to a load of crying and anger and recriminations....and (at worst) end up being dumped (or a certain type of woman night even get revenge or lose her own commitment & not turn down opportunities to flirt etc. herself).

He'd rather fall back on pretending to be clueless and gormless.

HazelPlayer · 31/08/2024 08:40

HighlyStrung1987 · 30/08/2024 21:02

Not sure further invasion of privacy is the way to go. Why not just ask him outright?

A attached man who gets caught flirting with several other women online .... Loses their "right" to privacy.

Any vigilance by the partner they mistreated is wise.

Oh and ...of course "Just ask him".

Cheating men and men using sex workers always tell the truth, right.

They never ever lie or cover up or gas light .

🙄

Some people have saved themselves from disastrous situations by checking out what their partner (who has history) is doing. That is their perogative.

And liars LIE.

HighlyStrung1987 · 31/08/2024 09:22

A lot of incredibly judgemental and self righteous relationship experts on this thread. I swear some people are so miserable they're only happy if they can witness a complete stranger have a mental breakdown online, even better if you get to contribute towards it! None of you know either of these people and none of your lives will be affected by the outcome of your advice to this poor woman. Honestly I hate mumsnet sometimes.

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