Page 3 | Question for men

Original poster

SnugCoralFinch · 01/09/2024 13:58

C1N1C · 01/09/2024 13:00

I believe this.

If you doubt it, set up a dating profile online with an average looking man's picture and 'for a laugh', either leave it there and see how much attention you get, or try hitting on women you think are attractive.

They say the 'avarage women' has the same 'pulling power' as an A-list celebrity. If you're not hideous, I bet any woman on here who's on OLD probably get multiple, if not dozens of messages a day.

When I was at uni, I was fit, probably about average, educated, and actually put effort into a full profile and tailored messages to women, and I was LUCKY to get a message a week after writing to dozens and dozens of women.

Yes but that isn’t really an indication of attractiveness or interest. There are far more many men than women on dating apps, and a lot of men swipe yes to everyone.

When I used them I got a lot of matches and messages, but the vast majority of it wasn’t anything you would want to reply to anyway 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:

DWK123 · 01/09/2024 14:16

SnugCoralFinch · 01/09/2024 08:37

I’ve never had a fwb, but that’s still being single it’s hardly a relationship is it? And nor are male friends…

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Yeah but it's disingenuous (in my view) not to mention whilst asking someone else how long they've been single. Feels like a two tier system.

I don't platonic male friends.

Crushed23 · 01/09/2024 14:31

DWK123 · 01/09/2024 07:51

I'm not sure about the roster but to answer the rest of your post...

As someone that has dated on and off for the past 5 years what I have noticed is a lot of women are rarely truly 'single'.

When you're talking to a woman on an app, for example, you'll often be asked how long you've been single. Then you ask them and let's say they've been single 6months/12 months or whatever. Dig a bit deeper and it seems a bit murkier. Sometimes a FWB or some kind of male friend in the background. But they still consider themselves single and it's only if you have a honest conversation this comes out.

I'm not saying all women. But it's just been my experience.

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What in god’s name are you talking about. A woman with a FWB or FB whose serious relationship ended 6-12 months ago is single, of course she is.

What you’re coming across is single women who aren’t interested in a serious relationship with you hence keeping their FWB in the picture.

DWK123 · 01/09/2024 14:50

Crushed23 · 01/09/2024 14:31

What in god’s name are you talking about. A woman with a FWB or FB whose serious relationship ended 6-12 months ago is single, of course she is.

What you’re coming across is single women who aren’t interested in a serious relationship with you hence keeping their FWB in the picture.

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Male opinions have been asked for by the OP. It seems you have an issue with that.

Most men aren't going to view someone with a 6 to 12 month fwb type arrangment as unattached for that period of time.

Dress it up however you like.

kkloo · 02/09/2024 00:18

Thanks @JenniferBooth
The thing that makes it worse, is that now my young teenage daughter is starting to experience some of it!

I am very proud to have raised a son who I genuinely believe would never be a creep with women, he's cut friends out who are creeps and some other stuff which I can't say here because it would be outing but I'm so proud of him!

He would have witnessed men being pervy towards me and harrassing me when he was a kid when we were at football matches etc. so he HATES that kind of behaviour.

EBearhug · 02/09/2024 01:20

username44416 · 31/08/2024 23:05

And that's true for all women is it? How about 50-70 year olds? The obese? The unconventional looking? The disabled? The OP said you just have to be a woman and will have multiple messages a day. Doubt it.

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I'm 52, size 18, don't dye my hair, don't wear make-up, get loads of likes on OLD. Have met some lovely men, too. Also some arseholes, but I think I managed to filter most of those before meeting. Not all men on OLD are poor quality.

kkloo · 02/09/2024 03:02

C1N1C · 01/09/2024 13:10

To add, I think the argument many women are making above is 'I may get lots of interest from men on OLD, but they're not good quality men... they're just after one thing and are swiping on anything with breasts'.

That MAY be true, but at least you at wlast get the opportunity to filter. Your 100 men can be reduced to 25 attractive (to you) men, then to 19 based on profile, then to 3 based on gut feeling.

Your average man has to take what he's given. He might message 100 and get a reply from one. Is that 'one' really the one he was hoping for out of all that 100?... probably not. That's the difference.

"At least you get a chance to filter" isn't that much of a positive though.

Also from this article, men engage in 'post-filtering'.

https://medium.com/yulyas-blog/what-real-statistics-tells-about-tinder-and-how-to-get-more-matches-according-to-it-8e984b822813

Males try to get more matches by liking everyone and make “post-filtering” — deciding whether to write to female or not after they already got a match (and apparently often they decide not to).

What happens on the female side is that women put effort into carefully selecting the men they like, get match with them, but no further communication happens as after receiving match that man could have decided that he doesn’t like this woman. And this becomes worse and worse as if more men start liking everyone, more women get matches with everyone they like without further communication and become more picky, which make men even more aggressive in liking more, and so vicious circle begins.

So what does that really tell us about women having more options than men? Nothing really, it just tells us about behaviour on apps.

What Statistics Tells About Tinder (and HOW TO GET MORE MATCHES according to it ;))

SCROLL ALL THE WAY DOWN FOR 3 PROVEN STEPS TO INCREASE YOUR MATCHES XD

https://medium.com/yulyas-blog/what-real-statistics-tells-about-tinder-and-how-to-get-more-matches-according-to-it-8e984b822813

Galiana · 02/09/2024 03:24

I'm almost tempted to put my husband and I on the apps for an experiment. Just to see who would get the most positive reactions.

We're both very attractive. I'd say neither one more than 'tother.

We met before apps. The whole ecosystem is madness.

JenniferBooth · 02/09/2024 13:52

@kkloo sorry to hear your daughter is experiencing that IMO i think its actually got worse than what it was in the 80s and 90s
It sounds to me that you have raised two great kids

JenniferBooth · 02/09/2024 13:53

DWK123 · 01/09/2024 07:51

I'm not sure about the roster but to answer the rest of your post...

As someone that has dated on and off for the past 5 years what I have noticed is a lot of women are rarely truly 'single'.

When you're talking to a woman on an app, for example, you'll often be asked how long you've been single. Then you ask them and let's say they've been single 6months/12 months or whatever. Dig a bit deeper and it seems a bit murkier. Sometimes a FWB or some kind of male friend in the background. But they still consider themselves single and it's only if you have a honest conversation this comes out.

I'm not saying all women. But it's just been my experience.

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Will you be offering exclusivity from the first date?

NewLevelsOfTiredness · 02/09/2024 14:21

I mean, if my wife and I were to have a 'who can have sex with someone else first' competition she would win without a doubt.

If we added in the requirement that the person slept with must meet certain minimum requirements in terms of personality, morals and appearence.... well she'd still win, but more because of how amazing she is than because I think it's easier for women to find someone who's worth the effort.

eeeeeeeee · 02/09/2024 14:28

To some men though, sex is of high importance ie the same as a relationship. The ultimate goal

Whereas to women, that’s reversed almost. Ie the ultimate goal is the relationship

So woman might find it easier to find a man that’s attracted to her, because he wants sex. He might not want a relationship. She might not want a relationship with him. This is why women might think they don’t have options, but men think women have lots of options.

giftygabba · 02/09/2024 14:31

I saw a thread on fb - basically many men thinking women have a ton of options, and a roster apparently.

Was just wondering if this is a common view? Myself and a lot of women I know are long term single and cba with dating apps etc. I’m not sure how many women genuinely have a whole bunch of fantastic options?

Well there's obviously a difference between having a ton of options, and having a ton of fantastic options.

The first statement is demonstrably true. Most casual sex consists of men seeking it out with pretty much any woman they think they can get, and women deciding whether any of the offers that ensue match up to their standards. So it's obviously easier for women to get casual sex if they want it than it is for men. The question is whether they want it.

I'm not sure why some women have such a problem with admitting and discussing this, but the responses on this thread along the lines of "so what, when all those options are crap?" are just another way of saying the same thing - women have higher standards than men.

EndCeline · 02/09/2024 14:42

blackpooolrock · 31/08/2024 17:38

So this is a topic of conversation that came up between me and some friends. So to kind of test the theory one of the couples decided to put a profile on tinder for each of them. They both used 3 pics which we all thought were good pics. They both used much the same wording as well. They are both in their early 50's too.

The woman got 300 messages within 24 hrs, the man got 6.

No one was really surprised as we all think its easier for a woman to walk into a bar and walk out with someone if she wanted to. Men aren't fussy and think with their you know what.

The real question is are any of them people you would want to be with long term? probably not... but the option is there if you want it.

OLD men message hundreds of women hoping some will 'hook'. It reveals nothing about any woman's desirability or a man's real interest. Which is why women should not take it seriously (and most don't) and why men should not be envious or bitter. Women only approach men they have some real interest in. Unfortunately, men's strategy is what's putting women off OLD because they receive too much attention from low-quality time-wasting, caddish men. Worse, some become cynical about men in general and retreat from dating altogether.

Original poster

SnugCoralFinch · 02/09/2024 19:38

EndCeline · 02/09/2024 14:42

OLD men message hundreds of women hoping some will 'hook'. It reveals nothing about any woman's desirability or a man's real interest. Which is why women should not take it seriously (and most don't) and why men should not be envious or bitter. Women only approach men they have some real interest in. Unfortunately, men's strategy is what's putting women off OLD because they receive too much attention from low-quality time-wasting, caddish men. Worse, some become cynical about men in general and retreat from dating altogether.

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I think this is exactly it.

Whilst I’m not exactly cynical about men - I know they aren’t all like the dickheads on old - I wouldn’t use dating apps again either. If I meet someone out in person great, but until then I’m good single.

OP posts:

DWK123 · 02/09/2024 21:46

JenniferBooth · 02/09/2024 13:53

Will you be offering exclusivity from the first date?

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After 2 or 3 dates you usually get an idea if it's going somewhere.

I've not slept with more than 1 person at a time. Very icky in my opinion

Original poster

SnugCoralFinch · 03/09/2024 09:35

DWK123 · 02/09/2024 21:46

After 2 or 3 dates you usually get an idea if it's going somewhere.

I've not slept with more than 1 person at a time. Very icky in my opinion

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I’ve never slept with multiple people but you can’t know that after 3 dates surely? That’s no time at all.

OP posts:

DWK123 · 03/09/2024 21:25

SnugCoralFinch · 03/09/2024 09:35

I’ve never slept with multiple people but you can’t know that after 3 dates surely? That’s no time at all.

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Well I used to think that but the past few years I would say sex usually happens somewhere between date 1 and 6 🤷‍♂️🙈

JumalanTerve · 03/09/2024 21:32

IMO (man), the only imbalance is when it comes to casual sex, which women could find far more easily than men could. For relationships, I would say there is little difference between the options available to men and to women

SSpratt · 03/09/2024 22:33

As a mid 40s woman I can tell you that the options are mostly poor even if plentiful. Being single is preferable to what is on offer. There are a lot of men out there but it my experience they have issues such as a history of being abusive, poor hygiene (especially teeth wise), addiction problems, criminal records, depression/poor mental health, erectile dysfunction, low income or unemployment, personality issues (as in negging, superiority complex etc), a lot are users just looking for sex or free accommodation, many cannot even write a coherent message. They seem to congregate on dating apps.

Original poster

SnugCoralFinch · 03/09/2024 23:44

SSpratt · 03/09/2024 22:33

As a mid 40s woman I can tell you that the options are mostly poor even if plentiful. Being single is preferable to what is on offer. There are a lot of men out there but it my experience they have issues such as a history of being abusive, poor hygiene (especially teeth wise), addiction problems, criminal records, depression/poor mental health, erectile dysfunction, low income or unemployment, personality issues (as in negging, superiority complex etc), a lot are users just looking for sex or free accommodation, many cannot even write a coherent message. They seem to congregate on dating apps.

Mid 30s and it’s the same story 😅

OP posts:

Lucy25 · 04/09/2024 00:59

SSpratt · 03/09/2024 22:33

As a mid 40s woman I can tell you that the options are mostly poor even if plentiful. Being single is preferable to what is on offer. There are a lot of men out there but it my experience they have issues such as a history of being abusive, poor hygiene (especially teeth wise), addiction problems, criminal records, depression/poor mental health, erectile dysfunction, low income or unemployment, personality issues (as in negging, superiority complex etc), a lot are users just looking for sex or free accommodation, many cannot even write a coherent message. They seem to congregate on dating apps.

So glad, l’ve never tried a dating app, sounds like a bit of a nightmare.

DWK123 · 04/09/2024 08:11

SSpratt · 03/09/2024 22:33

As a mid 40s woman I can tell you that the options are mostly poor even if plentiful. Being single is preferable to what is on offer. There are a lot of men out there but it my experience they have issues such as a history of being abusive, poor hygiene (especially teeth wise), addiction problems, criminal records, depression/poor mental health, erectile dysfunction, low income or unemployment, personality issues (as in negging, superiority complex etc), a lot are users just looking for sex or free accommodation, many cannot even write a coherent message. They seem to congregate on dating apps.

I think the majority of women are only really interested in a small group of men with OLD right?

It's not hard to see why OLD doesn't work for most. It only really works for the small group of men that get the majority of attention.

It would of course work well for women if they were after something casual. But I think that's not the norm?

I don't think the apps are good for mental health and its best to be on there for short periods of time. You seem to get the more passive aggressive profiles from longer term users which are a big turn off.

I think the quality point is really down to filtering but appreciate it would be harder if you have hundreds of matches / likes

EBearhug · 04/09/2024 08:30

I ignore the likes - I can't see them as I don't pay anyway - though some tell you the total or blurred out profiles. I just swipe on profiles I like at the first point (because if I don't like the look of them, it doesn't matter if they liked me or not.) It's very easy to filter out a lot of them - their looks aren't to my taste, age isn't what I'm looking for, location is too far, no attempt st a good photo, no profile, "ask if you want to know more," "does anyone take this seriously," "no one reads this snyway." And sometimes, I get a match because they did like me, and I liked them. So we chat, and with some that's where you leave it and with others, you might agree to a date and discover there's no chemistry or that in person they're not as you hoped, or you do get on okay and it might progress.

But it's also important to take breaks from it, not take it too seriously and get on with lots of other things in life.

Naunet · 07/09/2024 15:57

blackpooolrock · 31/08/2024 17:38

So this is a topic of conversation that came up between me and some friends. So to kind of test the theory one of the couples decided to put a profile on tinder for each of them. They both used 3 pics which we all thought were good pics. They both used much the same wording as well. They are both in their early 50's too.

The woman got 300 messages within 24 hrs, the man got 6.

No one was really surprised as we all think its easier for a woman to walk into a bar and walk out with someone if she wanted to. Men aren't fussy and think with their you know what.

The real question is are any of them people you would want to be with long term? probably not... but the option is there if you want it.

What about the fact it’s far more dangerous for women, does that factor on the ‘easy’ scale?