Page 2 | Question for men

Original poster

SnugCoralFinch · 31/08/2024 19:37

Otterhound · 31/08/2024 16:08

Personally think regardless of which sex you are old is pretty dire except perhaps for the top 10% of lookers who get to pick and choose who they wish.

I do think though there are probably more shit men out there than women so it is more difficult for them to find a man who is relationship material!

Yes I think this too. I don’t use them but I have in the past - I had no issue getting matches like lots of women, it’s just the majority just want to talk about sex or want a penpal etc.

OP posts:

Original poster

SnugCoralFinch · 31/08/2024 19:38

Plus there are far more men than women on the apps too.

OP posts:

username44416 · 31/08/2024 19:57

Londonguy84 · 31/08/2024 18:46

See above.

And your argument for attractiveness being subjective is flawed when talking about OLD.

OLD is solely about first impressions ie looks for nearly all men whereas its deeper with woman. Hence why a woman will get more matches, more likes and more messages OLD.

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You haven't given any evidence, you've given an opinion.

Yes, we pick people on OLD according to their photos but we also have the option of looking at their profiles. We can further get to know them by communicating with them.

Some women will of course go on looks, women aren't all the same or looking for the same things. I have found that many men simply message every woman within their 'range'. They don't read their profiles, they just take a scattergun approach. Not all do of course.

The sexes are socialised differently. In general women wait to be approached and men make the first move.

Women are also concerned about personal safety and men aren't. A man might meet a stranger for sex and worry about being laughed at, a woman will worry about being assaulted or worse.

Men tend to be easier to please in bed, women less so. A ONS for a man carries less risk and he's more likely to be satisfied than a woman.

Original poster

SnugCoralFinch · 31/08/2024 20:47

username44416 · 31/08/2024 19:57

You haven't given any evidence, you've given an opinion.

Yes, we pick people on OLD according to their photos but we also have the option of looking at their profiles. We can further get to know them by communicating with them.

Some women will of course go on looks, women aren't all the same or looking for the same things. I have found that many men simply message every woman within their 'range'. They don't read their profiles, they just take a scattergun approach. Not all do of course.

The sexes are socialised differently. In general women wait to be approached and men make the first move.

Women are also concerned about personal safety and men aren't. A man might meet a stranger for sex and worry about being laughed at, a woman will worry about being assaulted or worse.

Men tend to be easier to please in bed, women less so. A ONS for a man carries less risk and he's more likely to be satisfied than a woman.

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👏 👏 👏

OP posts:

kkloo · 31/08/2024 21:34

The brief time I was open to online dating I couldn't delete my account fast enough except they made you wait 24 or 48 hours to delete it. Everyone could message so I got a huge amount of messages, some just a hello, some which were very inappropriate, and many which were angry and abusive if they hadn't got a response to the first message....it was like baby reindeer but with multiple men 😂

My experiences with men in general outside of that have been awful, sexual harrassment since around 12, unwanted touching, followed into bathrooms, I've also been raped. With boyfriends I suffered abuse and harrassment and stalking.

Outside of that a lot of attention or contact from men who just won't take no for an answer, pestering on a night out etc. It's annoying, not flattering. Men wouldn't like it either, and the truth is that most men wouldn't enjoy the female experience at all even though they think that they drawn the short straw.

They wouldn't enjoy unwanted attention, touching, pestering, stalking etc from people they are not interested in....and being expected to be grateful for it and told that they have it easier 😂

Honest00lad · 31/08/2024 21:40

Easier for younger women. Then I believe that the pendulum swings to the man's favour mid 30s onwards.

Original poster

SnugCoralFinch · 31/08/2024 22:03

kkloo · 31/08/2024 21:34

The brief time I was open to online dating I couldn't delete my account fast enough except they made you wait 24 or 48 hours to delete it. Everyone could message so I got a huge amount of messages, some just a hello, some which were very inappropriate, and many which were angry and abusive if they hadn't got a response to the first message....it was like baby reindeer but with multiple men 😂

My experiences with men in general outside of that have been awful, sexual harrassment since around 12, unwanted touching, followed into bathrooms, I've also been raped. With boyfriends I suffered abuse and harrassment and stalking.

Outside of that a lot of attention or contact from men who just won't take no for an answer, pestering on a night out etc. It's annoying, not flattering. Men wouldn't like it either, and the truth is that most men wouldn't enjoy the female experience at all even though they think that they drawn the short straw.

They wouldn't enjoy unwanted attention, touching, pestering, stalking etc from people they are not interested in....and being expected to be grateful for it and told that they have it easier 😂

Yes this was absolutely my experience when I was on dating apps too - no shortage of matches/messages but 99% is just stuff you wouldn’t want to reply too anyway.

OP posts:

MarisPiper92 · 31/08/2024 22:37

SnugCoralFinch · 31/08/2024 11:16

I mean yes, it wouldn’t be hard to find sex - but you’re right the quality experience won’t be 😂 and I’m not interested in a random hook up.

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Isn't this the crux of the problem? Most men are looking for "quantity" and women are looking for "quality". However, many men do not understand this and instead come to the conclusion that women are simply being spiteful by refusing to have sex with them.

MarisPiper92 · 31/08/2024 22:51

E.g. to use the old example of a woman walking into a pub and asking "who's up for it?" - she might have a queue of ten men. To a man, this means she has ten options. But in reality, two of them will be twenty years too old; two of them will be twenty years too young; two she won't be remotely attracted to, and two others will give her the creeps. Obviously NAMALT, but too many men subscribe to "every hole's a goal" and don't understand that women want to be actually attracted to the people they have sex with...

ElleintheWoods · 31/08/2024 23:00

username44416 · 31/08/2024 13:18

OLD - if you’re a woman; no matter how attractive you are you will have plenty of options and multiple messages a day.

Any evidence of that?

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It’s true though isn’t it? I’m a fairly normal woman close to 40 and if I turn a dating app on for an hour in a city, there’ll be 60-70 likes.

From talking to other women that’s just how it goes, men swipe on anything that moves.

I pretty much know that as a woman if I swipe right on a guy on an app they will match me.

Talking to my guy friends who are perfectly fine normal men, if they get some attention a few times a month they’ve done ok.

username44416 · 31/08/2024 23:05

ElleintheWoods · 31/08/2024 23:00

It’s true though isn’t it? I’m a fairly normal woman close to 40 and if I turn a dating app on for an hour in a city, there’ll be 60-70 likes.

From talking to other women that’s just how it goes, men swipe on anything that moves.

I pretty much know that as a woman if I swipe right on a guy on an app they will match me.

Talking to my guy friends who are perfectly fine normal men, if they get some attention a few times a month they’ve done ok.

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And that's true for all women is it? How about 50-70 year olds? The obese? The unconventional looking? The disabled? The OP said you just have to be a woman and will have multiple messages a day. Doubt it.

JenniferBooth · 31/08/2024 23:24

kkloo · 31/08/2024 21:34

The brief time I was open to online dating I couldn't delete my account fast enough except they made you wait 24 or 48 hours to delete it. Everyone could message so I got a huge amount of messages, some just a hello, some which were very inappropriate, and many which were angry and abusive if they hadn't got a response to the first message....it was like baby reindeer but with multiple men 😂

My experiences with men in general outside of that have been awful, sexual harrassment since around 12, unwanted touching, followed into bathrooms, I've also been raped. With boyfriends I suffered abuse and harrassment and stalking.

Outside of that a lot of attention or contact from men who just won't take no for an answer, pestering on a night out etc. It's annoying, not flattering. Men wouldn't like it either, and the truth is that most men wouldn't enjoy the female experience at all even though they think that they drawn the short straw.

They wouldn't enjoy unwanted attention, touching, pestering, stalking etc from people they are not interested in....and being expected to be grateful for it and told that they have it easier 😂

Someone once told me that homophobia in straight men is those men scared that gay men will treat them in the same way that they treat women.

Sorry you have been through all that shit @kkloo

Original poster

SnugCoralFinch · 31/08/2024 23:42

ElleintheWoods · 31/08/2024 23:00

It’s true though isn’t it? I’m a fairly normal woman close to 40 and if I turn a dating app on for an hour in a city, there’ll be 60-70 likes.

From talking to other women that’s just how it goes, men swipe on anything that moves.

I pretty much know that as a woman if I swipe right on a guy on an app they will match me.

Talking to my guy friends who are perfectly fine normal men, if they get some attention a few times a month they’ve done ok.

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I saw a man on a train once using tinder - he was swiping right constantly whilst he looked out the window 😆

OP posts:

Original poster

SnugCoralFinch · 31/08/2024 23:43

MarisPiper92 · 31/08/2024 22:51

E.g. to use the old example of a woman walking into a pub and asking "who's up for it?" - she might have a queue of ten men. To a man, this means she has ten options. But in reality, two of them will be twenty years too old; two of them will be twenty years too young; two she won't be remotely attracted to, and two others will give her the creeps. Obviously NAMALT, but too many men subscribe to "every hole's a goal" and don't understand that women want to be actually attracted to the people they have sex with...

100% good way of putting it

OP posts:

blackpooolrock · 01/09/2024 07:50

SnugCoralFinch · 31/08/2024 23:42

I saw a man on a train once using tinder - he was swiping right constantly whilst he looked out the window 😆

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He obviously signed up to the every hole’s a goal belief. If you don’t care what they look like then why do anything else?

How could you kiss someone you have no attraction to? How can they go on to sleep with them? Beauty is but a light switch away…

DWK123 · 01/09/2024 07:51

SnugCoralFinch · 30/08/2024 19:41

I saw a thread on fb - basically many men thinking women have a ton of options, and a roster apparently.

Was just wondering if this is a common view? Myself and a lot of women I know are long term single and cba with dating apps etc. I’m not sure how many women genuinely have a whole bunch of fantastic options? 🤷‍♀️

So my question is I guess, is this something you believe yourself?

I'm not sure about the roster but to answer the rest of your post...

As someone that has dated on and off for the past 5 years what I have noticed is a lot of women are rarely truly 'single'.

When you're talking to a woman on an app, for example, you'll often be asked how long you've been single. Then you ask them and let's say they've been single 6months/12 months or whatever. Dig a bit deeper and it seems a bit murkier. Sometimes a FWB or some kind of male friend in the background. But they still consider themselves single and it's only if you have a honest conversation this comes out.

I'm not saying all women. But it's just been my experience.

Original poster

SnugCoralFinch · 01/09/2024 08:37

DWK123 · 01/09/2024 07:51

I'm not sure about the roster but to answer the rest of your post...

As someone that has dated on and off for the past 5 years what I have noticed is a lot of women are rarely truly 'single'.

When you're talking to a woman on an app, for example, you'll often be asked how long you've been single. Then you ask them and let's say they've been single 6months/12 months or whatever. Dig a bit deeper and it seems a bit murkier. Sometimes a FWB or some kind of male friend in the background. But they still consider themselves single and it's only if you have a honest conversation this comes out.

I'm not saying all women. But it's just been my experience.

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I’ve never had a fwb, but that’s still being single it’s hardly a relationship is it? And nor are male friends…

OP posts:

Missamyp · 01/09/2024 10:09

DP said he used apps for a bit in his 40s post-divorce. Between 2016-2020.

He consistently received 30-40 matches on the first day, and though it slowed down, he eventually managed to secure 2-3 dates per week. While he didn't click with 99% of the people he met, he ended up multi-dating 6-7 women after about 6 months. He also observed that changing the Tinder settings to Eastern Europe significantly increased the number of matches and the attractiveness levels. Consequently, he dated several women from these regions and maintained a 4-year relationship with one of them.
His friend with whom he shared a property received thousand of matches and dated weekly. However, she always thought some of the men at all levels had poor communication skills even the extremely handsome men were mono-syllabic.

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 01/09/2024 10:20

WalkingThroughTreacle · 30/08/2024 20:37

Is it easier for a woman to pull a man, any man? Probably, yes. Is it easier for a woman to find an available man actually worth pulling though?

This. ^ It's a widely known fact that there are waaaaaay more men on dating sites than women. Even the ghastly Ashley Madison site is 85%+ men. So yeah women DO have more options @SnugCoralFinch But the fact is that the majority of these options are duds. Men that you wouldn't dream of having a second date with. Men who will want to split the bill down to the last penny, but will still want a shag at the end of the night.

If my DH and I split - or he died, hell would freeze over before I would start looking for another man. Couldn't be arsed. Most of them looking for a woman (on the sites) are dreadful. I know a woman who went to meet someone that she met on a dating website, and the first thing he asked is 'can you cook?' then he said I've booked a room in the Premier Inn next door.' Then he winked at her, and rubbed her thigh.

Absolutely vile. 😖

She actually got her bag and said she was going to the loo, sneaked out of the back door of the pub, shot to her car, and drove off.

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 01/09/2024 10:23

@Missamyp

DP said he used apps for a bit in his 40s post-divorce. Between 2016-2020.

He consistently received 30-40 matches on the first day, and though it slowed down, he eventually managed to secure 2-3 dates per week. While he didn't click with 99% of the people he met, he ended up multi-dating 6-7 women after about 6 months.

Blimey, I could be arsed with all that. 'He eventually managed to secure 2-3 dates a week,' and 'he was dating 6-7 women at the same time over 6 months.' WTF? 😆 Sounds exhausting. I wonder if they knew about each other? I'd put a tracking app on his phone if I were you. 😬

Missamyp · 01/09/2024 11:00

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 01/09/2024 10:23

@Missamyp

DP said he used apps for a bit in his 40s post-divorce. Between 2016-2020.

He consistently received 30-40 matches on the first day, and though it slowed down, he eventually managed to secure 2-3 dates per week. While he didn't click with 99% of the people he met, he ended up multi-dating 6-7 women after about 6 months.

Blimey, I could be arsed with all that. 'He eventually managed to secure 2-3 dates a week,' and 'he was dating 6-7 women at the same time over 6 months.' WTF? 😆 Sounds exhausting. I wonder if they knew about each other? I'd put a tracking app on his phone if I were you. 😬

Initially, he and his housemate were competing. He would use dating apps for 3-4 months and then take a break for 6 months. Eventually, he got caught, and he admitted that the constant gaming drained him emotionally.
His housemate became fed up with the endless hellos, conversations and poor dates. He said her match q was impossible to manage. Reams and reams of matches.

WalkingThroughTreacle · 01/09/2024 12:51

Missamyp · 01/09/2024 11:00

Initially, he and his housemate were competing. He would use dating apps for 3-4 months and then take a break for 6 months. Eventually, he got caught, and he admitted that the constant gaming drained him emotionally.
His housemate became fed up with the endless hellos, conversations and poor dates. He said her match q was impossible to manage. Reams and reams of matches.

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That doesn't paint him as a very nice person. Has he shown any remorse for messing around all the women he used and misled just to play some immature game with his housemate?

C1N1C · 01/09/2024 13:00

I believe this.

If you doubt it, set up a dating profile online with an average looking man's picture and 'for a laugh', either leave it there and see how much attention you get, or try hitting on women you think are attractive.

They say the 'avarage women' has the same 'pulling power' as an A-list celebrity. If you're not hideous, I bet any woman on here who's on OLD probably get multiple, if not dozens of messages a day.

When I was at uni, I was fit, probably about average, educated, and actually put effort into a full profile and tailored messages to women, and I was LUCKY to get a message a week after writing to dozens and dozens of women.

samarrange · 01/09/2024 13:08

JenniferBooth · 31/08/2024 23:24

Someone once told me that homophobia in straight men is those men scared that gay men will treat them in the same way that they treat women.

Sorry you have been through all that shit @kkloo

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Someone once told me that homophobia in straight men is those men scared that gay men will treat them in the same way that they treat women.

I wonder if straight men aren't also a bit jealous. If a gay man living in a city wants to just have no-strings sex with somebody, he can probably achieve that within an hour from first thinking about it.

C1N1C · 01/09/2024 13:10

To add, I think the argument many women are making above is 'I may get lots of interest from men on OLD, but they're not good quality men... they're just after one thing and are swiping on anything with breasts'.

That MAY be true, but at least you at wlast get the opportunity to filter. Your 100 men can be reduced to 25 attractive (to you) men, then to 19 based on profile, then to 3 based on gut feeling.

Your average man has to take what he's given. He might message 100 and get a reply from one. Is that 'one' really the one he was hoping for out of all that 100?... probably not. That's the difference.