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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

TW does anyone know if it’s possible to report rape just so it’s logged and not investigated?

61 replies

Magiccloud · 28/08/2024 16:26

My ex was investigated for coercive control but the CPS decided not to charge.

During this investigation, I said that I had been raped, giving dates, but no questions were ever asked about this and it wasn’t added to my statement I don’t think.

I’m now wondering if I can log these incidents with the police so there is a clear record?

He is a serial abuser and I’m also concerned that he was abusing a child (sexual relationship with a 15/16 year old).

I would like to think that it would be useful for the police to have all the information, but I’m probably kidding myself.

i wouldn’t want it investigated, as the police and CPS have caused me huge trauma. But obviously my ex also caused me huge trauma and I know he has gone on to abuse again since i ended our relationship.

Would it be useful in case anyone else cane forward? I know he was arrested for sexual assault before i met him too. I don’t believe these to be isolated incidents. He is absolutely a predator and a dangerous man. Should I just leave it alone? Or do I get it formally logged?

Thank you if you managed to read all this.

OP posts:
RacingGreens · 28/08/2024 16:28

I would have thought the police would have to take positive action if told of a crime but I don't work for them, hopefully someone wiser comes along soon.

Magiccloud · 28/08/2024 16:33

RacingGreens · 28/08/2024 16:28

I would have thought the police would have to take positive action if told of a crime but I don't work for them, hopefully someone wiser comes along soon.

Thank you - this is what I’m afraid of…

OP posts:
Rachelsthorns · 28/08/2024 17:11

I've been in a similar position, but abuse of me was discovered while they were investigating him for another offence.

They'll probably open an investigation, but it will be up to you if you choose to testify at any future court case. I was told it was entirely my decision, and they had enough evidence for other charges. They weren't surprised when I chose not to continue, though I made it clear I'd help with any other investigation if I could. I had my reasons for this and they understood that.

I have to say, though, that my experience of the police has been good. They've ensured I was supported and accepted my decision.

As to your question, I think you should report it because there is continuing abuse and he seems to be a danger to others. Luckily mine doesn't need my additional testimony, it sounds as though yours will need your information to start an investigation into the rest.

Such a hard decision to make, I do feel for you Sad

Beginningless · 28/08/2024 17:20

Im sorry for your experience with your ex and the police experience does sound poor. I think you mentioning rape and it not being flagged as a crime on its own is dreadful. To my knowledge the police could choose to pursue a charge if you were unwilling to testify, but this would be in a case where they had lots of other firm evidence. It is very useful in terms of sexual assault allegations to have multiple complainants. Also given you have a concern about risk to children and young adults this would be a very good reason to share the information. If you are really worried, you could share the information anonymously by crime stoppers?

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 28/08/2024 17:32

I am really sorry this happened to you.

I don't have any expertise on this at all - but playing devil's advocate I would think that allowing people to make allegations against somebody, resulting in a "log" against this person's name, whilst at the same time refusing any investigation of the said crime - would really undermine the principle of innocent until proven guilty. I can't see how this could possibly happen in a democratic society - but happy to be proven wrong.

I am not saying AT ALL that you are not being truthful, only that this kind of system would really be vulnerable to people making unfounded accusations.

Edited to add: my comments above refer to contacting the police and making a brand new report. OF COURSE if you reported the rapes as part of the original coersive control case then this should have been taken very seriously and investigated at the time.

StormingNorman · 28/08/2024 17:36

I would like to think the police would investigate to determine whether the rape took place before recording a crime against somebody’s name and possibly sharing that information.

I’m not talking to your specific case and not questioning what happened, but as a general principle innocent until proven guilty is really important.

Magiccloud · 28/08/2024 17:45

Rachelsthorns · 28/08/2024 17:11

I've been in a similar position, but abuse of me was discovered while they were investigating him for another offence.

They'll probably open an investigation, but it will be up to you if you choose to testify at any future court case. I was told it was entirely my decision, and they had enough evidence for other charges. They weren't surprised when I chose not to continue, though I made it clear I'd help with any other investigation if I could. I had my reasons for this and they understood that.

I have to say, though, that my experience of the police has been good. They've ensured I was supported and accepted my decision.

As to your question, I think you should report it because there is continuing abuse and he seems to be a danger to others. Luckily mine doesn't need my additional testimony, it sounds as though yours will need your information to start an investigation into the rest.

Such a hard decision to make, I do feel for you Sad

I’m so sorry you went through this. It’s encouraging to hear that you were supported in your decision.

it really is a horrible decision to make. I’ve tried to put all my concerns to the back of my mind, but they keep coming back.

OP posts:
Magiccloud · 28/08/2024 17:52

@Beginningless I had a look at crime stoppers and I could report my concerns about the teenage girl I was worried about, but nothing that he did to me. I don’t have concrete evidence that anything sexual took place, but it was to my mind not an appropriate friendship between a 40 year old man and a 15/16 year old girl, so I feel my concerns are justified. It took me a while to piece it all together though. So it’s not really that want to report a crime, just log a concern. I appreciate that might not even be possible.

OP posts:
Magiccloud · 28/08/2024 17:57

@Theredfoxfliesatmidnight I absolutely understand that. I think I would be happy telling them what happened/making a statement, but I don’t want him interviewed as I feel that might put me at risk again. I don’t want to poke the bear, if that makes sense? It’s just my word against his as I very much doubt they would bother looking for cctv or anything. I just want everything recorded incase anyone else comes forward as it might help them get justice.

OP posts:
Magiccloud · 28/08/2024 18:00

@StormingNorman yes, that is important. It’s more about the police having information that might be useful to them at some point. His wrap sheet is as long as both his arms already, so I don’t this this would damage his reputation any further really. It’s for intelligence, nothing more. Hope that makes sense.

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 28/08/2024 18:20

Magiccloud · 28/08/2024 18:00

@StormingNorman yes, that is important. It’s more about the police having information that might be useful to them at some point. His wrap sheet is as long as both his arms already, so I don’t this this would damage his reputation any further really. It’s for intelligence, nothing more. Hope that makes sense.

But it’s not intelligence. It’s only hearsay until it’s investigated and proven. Hope that makes sense.

Duparsisoverrated · 28/08/2024 18:23

If you report it, the cops will have to investigate it. You can refuse to cooperate but what’s the point in reporting it in that case. Even if you give them an account and say you don’t want them to take action, they will still investigate and interview the offender. You can’t report such an offence for intelligence purposes only.

Rainbowshine · 28/08/2024 18:23

You could report to your local safeguarding team anonymously online about your concerns for the teenage girl. That should be seen by a multi agency team including the police so they would be aware and also she would be given support from other agencies (obviously with the caveat that the safeguarding team does its job)

Magiccloud · 28/08/2024 18:27

@StormingNorman Perhaps I’m using the wrong word, but to me police intelligence is any information they receive, rather than proven crimes. That can obviously only happen after an investigation, being charged and then convicted. Intelligence to me is what leads (or can lead) to those things happening.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 28/08/2024 18:28

You can't make an allegation of something like rape just to be logged. Contrary to popular MN belief there are very few occasions police will just log things

For something as serious as rape they'd be forced to open an investigation and that would involve getting a statement from you & speaking to him.

I know in the Force I work for there's no way on earth we'd be allowed to close a report of rape as noted and no action.

mm81736 · 28/08/2024 18:33

Well was she 15 or 16 because it makes a big difference.

mm81736 · 28/08/2024 18:34

Plus you don't have any knowledge of them being in a sexual relationship

FinallyYouSaid · 28/08/2024 18:37

I just want everything recorded incase anyone else comes forward as it might help them get justice

What you're describing is how Trading Standards works op. They often take reports and log things with no action until a certain tipping point is reached and then they investigate.

The police can't do that with a report of rape, nor should they.

Heedthaball · 28/08/2024 18:39

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Magiccloud · 28/08/2024 18:39

@mm81736 As she was under 18 and he was 39/40, I believe that she would be considered a child. Their relationship was inappropriate, but I’m not going to give details as I don’t think that would be appropriate either as it doesn’t directly involve me. Ie I’m not the victim

OP posts:
Magiccloud · 28/08/2024 18:43

@Redglitter They have already chosen not to open an investigation or log the incidents I told the officers about during the other investigation, so this is confusing.

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Magiccloud · 28/08/2024 18:45

@Heedthaball the police are already aware and chose not to investigate. I would just like them to log what I reported during the other investigation correctly so these incidents don’t just disappear.

The police have already undermined me by ignoring what I disclosed. They should have investigated at the time. Now I just want to make sure there is a record of what I told them.

OP posts:
PolePrince55 · 28/08/2024 19:22

"During this investigation, I said that I had been raped, giving dates, but no questions were ever asked about this and it wasn’t added to my statement I don’t think."

This is like to know why.

Magiccloud · 28/08/2024 19:28

@PolePrince55 i would like to know why too. I think it might be that they already had enough to go to the CPS and they didn’t want to slow things down. My initial statement was something like 22 pages long as it was.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 28/08/2024 19:39

What about submitting a complaint about them ignoring your disclosure? Could that be more 'useful' to you?