Boyfriend of 3 years a cocaine addict

[Gee90]

Hi all, so back in March my boyfriend git caught drug driving. Told me it was weed he had been smoking that day at work but didn't know because it was in a vape? He's been to see GP been put on antidepressants talking to a counsellor etc getting the help he needs. I've always suspected he's taken cocaine due to cryptic message I have seen on his phone, never having any money etc. After 18 months of me feeling like shit and him saying he didnt do it turns out he does! He took it a day or 2 before he got caught drug driving.
I found an empty bag of it in my house, he went straight on the defensive flipping out at me finishing things etc. Rang back half an hour later and admitted he had taken it a few weeks before. Threw him out. He has no kids and I have 2, we were living together engaged trying to build something together yet he's gone and done this. He's tried and tried to win me back but I just know the trust has gone. I feel totally lost and I know how much I love him but I'm unsure of a way forward if I was to give him another chance.

I think I know deep down what's best for me and my children but would also like some advice.

I'm sorry but I would walk away.He has already lied to you and you have to do what's best for you and your children .
What if he was doing drugs and drove with your children in the car ?

I think you would be living on a knife edge with him worrying whether he will do it again x

Advice? Don't take him back.

You have innocent children. Do you want them caught up in this shit show?

Think of your kids and make him an ex boyfriend today.

Not with kids . He isn't worth you putting them at risk . Plus obviously finds it very easy to lie to you

Well done on throwing him out, don't let him back in

From bitter experience, I know that a cocaine user will swear on their child's life that they have not used in the home where our child and I lived. The lies just get bigger, more frequent, behaviours change and you find yourself on edge looking for signs. If this is your boundary, then I would suggest the trust has completely gone, let alone the risk factors for your children. It sucks and I'm sorry, unfortunately there are always victims when someone misuses drugs even when it's supposedly recreational.

Probably think I'm pathetic but I'm absolutely heart broken, he was my fresh start after been in a shit relationship for 10 years. I asked when I met him if he did drugs and he said no! He really is a great person my 2 love him to bits but I just can't see any trust coming back. I've been on edge since the beginning of the year always wondering always accusing but now I've got evidence of it all

I was the same, I got eaten up with looking for evidence, I went to some ridiculous lengths as he gaslit me into thinking it wasn't happening and I was neurotic, then I would be the bad guy for the accusations. I didn't want it in my house, near our child. I didn't want to accept the staying up or out late and come downs in bed the next day. I thought he would stop to keep his family - he didn't. I chucked him out the second time for good and the relief that it was no longer taking up space in my head was immense.

Put yourself and your kids first. You don’t need a criminal drug taking loser in your lives. He left drugs in your house as well. Move forward by yourself for a good future for your family.

You’ve gone from one shit relationship straight into another one. Your boundaries here, already skewed by previous poor relationships, have been further skewed by this man now. How can you also presume that your kids love him to bits?. They do not, they only want you to be happy.

Get therapy for your codependent issues and do not enter into any further relationship until you have sorted your own self out. You owe that much anyway to your children, what have they learnt about relationships from you?. This is no legacy to leave them.

In the exact same boat suspected he was using for months he lied and promised he wasn’t but constantly blowing nose all day every day! He finally admitted it after I saw him texting another women and blamed being high! Once that trust is gone there’s really no going back

He will not stop. Not unless he gets professional help and actually wants to. They lie through their teeth, it's an addiction so nothing gets in the way. With 2 children, absolutely do not take this on. It will end it tears

You've already said he never has any money due to his drug habit. So was he sponging off you too while living with you? He's not a good father figure for your DC's, he's not stable and the money he'd spend on drugs is effectively taking away any support he could offer you and your DC's. If he can't support himself then your DC's will go with less, as will you. Don't tie yourself to that.

How did things pan out op

I gave him a second chance because I do love him, but he was still using so that's hom gone for good.

If I knew all this when I met him I will of gave him a wide birth! Always go with your gut xx

It’s the road to hell.

Well done you really did do the right thing 💐

It is tough but he’s an addict and the drugs will
always come first.
Take some time out from dating because you’ve had a lot in your past, and now this.
You are clearly a very loving person and a great mum. You deserve better.

You really need to focus on yourself and your children. This loser brought drugs into your home, into your children's home. And you gave him a chance to do it again. You need to make sure he doesn't get any more chances. What if your child had found them? He cared more about the drugs than your children or than being with you, he didn't stop, he wasn't a good person for them to be around. Well done for getting rid of him now, it's not easy, but you need to keep him gone.

Going through similar at min love. What happened on the 2nd chance. I'm so deflated.

You have to end it for the sake of your kids. They deserve better

He lied to you early on in your relationship about taking drugs. He was caught for drug driving. What if he was driving your kids somewhere when this happened?
He was living with you and your 2 kid's and never had money so in effect he was quite happy for you to help pay for his food and accommodation. That's money needed for you and your kid's.
You found a bag with cocaine in your house. Imagine if one of your kids found this and took it?
Imagine if the police turned up at your door with a search warrant?

But you love him. You need to tell him it over and stay well away from him.

You need to do the freedom program and work on building up your own self worth without a boyfriend. You gone from one bed relationship to another. You need to consider yourself and your kids before brining another man into your lives.
Don't let him back into your lives is this will just make it worse and your kids don't want to be near this.

I just didn't trust him and it wasn't fair on me the anxiety he was giving me! I'd constantly be looking in his wallet asking where his money was etc.

I even drug tested him which came back as positive but no he hadn't taken it.

He literally made me out to be the absolute psychopath when I was right all along.

It's hard and a horrible feeling but your better off out of it for your own sanity. I always worried what if someone knocks on my day wanting a debt paid when my kids are in bed!

It's hard when you love someone to walk away. If you want to private message me that's ok too. Don't feel like your going through it on your own like I did. Xx

And when you ended it did he just leave you alone how did that pan out xx

He did for a few weeks then started trying to contact me. I just blocked him on everything. I have no ties financially or kids so ot was pretty easy tbh. I've had flowers sent asking me out etc but I just binned them. Xx