Boyfriend of 3 years a cocaine addict

[Gee90]

Hi all, so back in March my boyfriend git caught drug driving. Told me it was weed he had been smoking that day at work but didn't know because it was in a vape? He's been to see GP been put on antidepressants talking to a counsellor etc getting the help he needs. I've always suspected he's taken cocaine due to cryptic message I have seen on his phone, never having any money etc. After 18 months of me feeling like shit and him saying he didnt do it turns out he does! He took it a day or 2 before he got caught drug driving.
I found an empty bag of it in my house, he went straight on the defensive flipping out at me finishing things etc. Rang back half an hour later and admitted he had taken it a few weeks before. Threw him out. He has no kids and I have 2, we were living together engaged trying to build something together yet he's gone and done this. He's tried and tried to win me back but I just know the trust has gone. I feel totally lost and I know how much I love him but I'm unsure of a way forward if I was to give him another chance.

I think I know deep down what's best for me and my children but would also like some advice.

Get yourself to an al-anon meeting asap (doesn’t have to be specifically alcohol, you will be welcomed by some lovely and wise people, predominantly women) and get support for yourself - This should also help you if you decide to get into another relationship in future.

Well done booting him out, that won't have been easy. Don't undo that by giving him another chance, you and your children are worth so much more.

That's amazing you did so well. I keep caving going through the good bit at min but it be back to usual next week. We are exactly same tho same situation literally. And he didn't come to door at all x

@Fluffypotatoe123987

Have you kids?

Yeah 2. I literally match op. Literally. As said by op it goes in cycles they get money go missing lie etc then come back when they have no money promising the world.

Raise your standards. What would you advise your daughter to do? Please DO NOT ENABLE him by being with him.

@Fluffypotatoe123987
Why are you dragging him into your children's lives? Would they not be much better without a junkie leeching off their mother?

He’s a lying druggie and for your situation, the answer is clear. Get rid immediately. This is clearly very upsetting for you, which is natural. But you must put yourself and your kids first and get rid of him right away.

My ex was a coke addict . It cost him his life . He stole from everyone . Took money from my bank accounts , stole my mums money . Borrowed from everyone and then spent a massive amount of compensation he got on coke . You couldn’t trust him as far as you could throw him and yet I always wanted to believe him . He would always convince me he wasn’t taking it anymore then I would find empty bags . Under the rug , in his little pockets in his jeans , behind the sink . He didn’t pay the rent .

Then he died from drink and drug complications. It was horrendous . Our arguments when he would go on all weekend benders were terrible. I didn’t know who he was .

Don’t bring your kids up in that life . They deserve better and so do you . It’s an expensive habit . It’s costs more than just money in the end .

Cocaine users can get very violent. My friend's dh, high earner, very respectable, used to hit her. It escalated to him nearly killing her and that's when she ran and it all came out. Kids monitored by social services (obviously), friend in trauma. It's not a drug you mess around with.

I don't touch it never have it's true everything. He's currently took my car as he's trying to gaslight me to give him petrol money I'm not gave him 20 other day and apparently got 40 miles nah more ljke he used the other 10er with other money for coke. Cba. It'd hard as my kids like him. But I'm gonna ask him to go back to his flat later as he knly wants be here to gaslight me for my money and me pay for everything he gets money him and his dad run of doing drugs. Then kicks off denial or says sorry by text. I am fed up i really am. But yano when u have a man in withdrawal if hasn't had it whose known for aggression its hard to assert what u want without it kicking off