Ex messaged me then didn't reply?

[Stumped88]

Two weeks ago now, an ex of mine got in contact with me to say the usual.... That they're sorry for how things ended between us, that they hope I'm doing well and in a better place now and sending their love blahdeblah. I replied back to them and asked how things were with them as it's coming up to almost 10 years since we've last spoken, to be polite and also I was shocked I guess. This ex was incredibly abusive in various ways to me, for context. I just have been wondering these last two weeks on and off, why reach out to me after almost a decade to then not reply back? I have had other exes all contact and they always began a conversation and didn't send a message then vanish, so I feel a bit confused. If you reached out to someone to say sorry for how you treated them, if you were genuine, surely you'd not then vanish when getting a response back? I know people will say exes are exes and it shouldn't matter, and I agree, but I can't help feeling confused why they'd do that?

He was probably drunk when he sent the message.

Block and move on. He was abusive. He's still attempting to abuse you.
And it's worked - you are now wondering about him.
Please for your own sanity just see this as an attempt to hook you back in for more abuse.

He was never really a drinker, I mean I know things can change in 10 years but when I knew him he never drank at all

Maybe he's doing some abusers programme and part of it is apologise to previous victims?

Which sounds like a TERRIBLE idea incidentally

He text just to see if he's still got any hold over you. He wanted to see if you would reply. You did reply so he got his wish. I wouldn't worry about it though. Seems like your the one that got away for him so he needed that. Let him have it. He's clearly a tool

@WandsOut thank you. I feel lots of emotions since, I felt like I wanted to be sick when I first heard off of him and never expected it, to be honest. I also feel surprised at myself and disappointed for thinking and investing so much about it when I didn't think it'd matter to me all these years on

I agree that he could have been drunk.

Or it could be to do with something going on his life that is affecting him in a way that he has actually realised his behaviour was bad. And possibly just wanted to assuage his conscience with the message but didn't want to rekindle contact further

I'm thinking mind games, he was an abusive man, things ended for one reason or another, he reaches out, you respond, he goes quiet..

Maybe he somehow thinks you'll now pursue him, for an answer, if anything, but the lines of communication are open now, maybe in his head, if you do some of the leg work to talk to him, it could be seen (by him) that you might be interested?

Men do this all the time - they come back from outer space to "see how you are"

He doesn't care how you are.
He's never cared how you were.
He's not been in therapy for ten years working out how to mage his abusive behaviours. He's probably been abusing another woman or series of women and now he's on the hunt for another victim and he remembered you.

Forget him.

*manage not mage.
He's not a wizard.
Unless it's wizard of Oz. Nothing behind the curtain except a sad little bloke.

He's just wanted to see if you'd fall for his lies and he could reel you back in. Block and forget.

He might have been drunk when he sent it, wanted to know if you'd reply or not or simply regretted sending the message so won't reply again. I'd forget about it and move on and not reply if he ever does message again x

Self care day for you today! What fun and fabulous things can you do this week that make you happy that he hated you doing?

Yes when I was with him, he would play mind games a lot and ignore me, especially as punishment. He knows/knew ignoring on purpose was a way to press my buttons back then. That's why I'm wondering if his contact was genuine or trying to "hoover" and am wondering if he's hoping I'd send another message like I would do when I was younger, to follow up. I've since matured and won't give him the satisfaction, however

I’ve had many do this. I never reply. Ever.

I will not feel their egos.

I mean this REALLY kindly but as he was abusive to you, your boundaries should have been MUCH tighter. There was NO NEED for manners, no need for a response. You should have just ignored him and got on with your day.

@Elasticatedtrousers no I agree with you. Stupidly in the heat of the moment I fell for it and thought it was genuine, so replied. I thought I was a lot stronger than I am, and I guess that's also been a smack in the face to me this last fortnight

It’s such a tough lesson to learn when you’re naturally empathic and caring. Believe you and me I learnt the HARD way to really tighten boundaries and make myself my own hero. I will not be sucked back into these men’s petty ego issues.

Lesson learnt, shake it off and go and have a wonderful day. You deserve so much more from this universe than creepy exes crawling out of the woodwork!

He's been dumped and wanting an ego boost.

He was bored. Or drunk. Thinking

"What to do, what to do ... I know! That ex was really easy to wind up. I fancy a bit of a laugh. Let's see if I can still press her buttons. See if I've still got the old control there. Typetypetype ... wait ...yep, still got it. Can wander off all smug now, knowing it will be driving her nuts."

Block block block. And then block some more. He has not changed.

No real harm done, you were only a message or two in.

You're just an empathetic and caring person who likes to try and see the good in everyone.

I hope you at least try to put this behind you.

@OverthinkingRogue thanks, that means a lot ❤

No worries, this life is difficult to navigate at the best of times, let alone when someone abusive preys upon your good nature and tries to play mind games again.

Maybe he was checking you still had his number when it happened to me i use to text back whos this.
Now i block.

The thing is, even if he was 'genuine' he's still someone who has hurt you and brings you down, you don't owe him a nice polite friendly response even if he's genuinely sorry and wondering how you are. You owe it to yourself not to prioritise his feelings over your own. Look after yourself.

Honestly my first thought was he was using you as a “if I was that bad why would my ex still want me back?”