How to end relationship when you love him

[despolo]

Hi all, I'm going through a really tough time right now so would appreciate some advice and hopefully support if possible.

I am 27 and have been with my fiancé for 3 years (he's 26)

When we first got together I knew he was a bit of a party animal, and I was exactly the same. We've had a great 3 years and moved in to our first house 6 months ago.

The problem is, I have outgrown the party lifestyle - don't get me wrong I still love going out, but I don't want to be going out and getting pissed every single weekend, staying up sooo late and feeling awful the next day.

He still continues to want to do this, his whole life revolves around drinking. We don't do anything nice together, he just wants us to go down the pub. For example, on Friday we went out for a meal with some friends, he ended up having a couple of drinks and getting so pissed and spent yesterday severely hungover and sat in the house. Today he's gone out with friends and said he'd be back by 5pm, surprise he's still not home. I am sat at home alone not knowing what to do with myself as all of my friends are busy.

Can I add that during these nights out he is known for taking cocaine, so all of his money is basically being spent on drink and drugs.

We have had so many conversations about this and he promises he'll change and we'll start doing more together, he doesn't want that life anymore, etc but after a week or so, it's back to his going out.

I've gotten to the point now where I realise he isn't going to change and that I can't keep begging for the bare minimum, he claims that he loves me so much and couldn't live without me but then all he does is make me feel down. I don't want to live like an 18 year old anymore we're adults!

He is so lovely in every other way and I trust him with my life, but this issue is just never going to go away is it?

Does anybody have any advice or words of wisdom please? As I am just feeling so low about the whole thing

If your relationship is good in other ways he probably does love you and probably would like to give up that lifestyle. Maybe it’s that he can’t give it up rather than won’t, which means he’s an addict (including alcohol in that)
If you think that might be true then end it completely and cut contact. If you don’t you will never have the life you want with a partner you deserve. What you don’t like about being with him will get worse over time.
You can’t help someone manage an addiction it all has to be done by them. And then, when you think it’s under control they often relapse. You just never know when that might happen. The thing is an addict is always an addict whether they are in recovery or not.

I've convinced him to leave, so I just need to stick to my guns now. He is not in a good way and very upset but I've told him that I've given so many chances that I have none left to give.

I'm so worried and anxious now though, that hes going to go out and do something with somebody as he's single now. I think this is the hardest part for me, the worry of him being with someone else it's making me feel sick!

Op, he will go out and find someone else. Probably immediately. He needs someone to take care of him who'll put up with his bullshit.

Just let him go and move on with your life.

OP, no pain no gain.
You are absolutely wasting your time with him.
He is very young and clearly drink and alcohol are what he wants to do right now.
A lot of guys who get into this never fully move on.
They make their partners miserable.
It would bd so selfish to inflict him on a child.
He's a bit of a druggy.
You deserve so much better.
Well done for getting him out.
Let him go off with someone, let him be their problem.
Life is too short for this.

You are moving on and he will never change. He likes having you around when it suits him but prioritises drink & drugs over you. No point giving an ultimatum- he knows what he has to do and has made his choice. You made yours to move on.

you can do better than this but it will be like ripping a plaster off.

’this is the hardest part for me, the worry of him being with someone else it's making me feel sick!’

And of course he will. It goes ‘ I’ll show her, I don’t need her, she’s just some woman ( or worse word) plenty more out there , they are all the same…..’

Goodness knows who he will Hook up with, given that he seems to spend most of his time in places where you can drink to excess and take drugs. So have a cry, but cry for the time you have wasted, not for what he is doing.

I wish you the best of life going forward.

Yes he will.
And then someone else , and someone else

Like I said my ex is on marriage no 3
My dh thinks this one's works cos they're both drinkers ... least for now ..
It's very hard but you'll be better off I the long run

You know you must leave him. You have your whole life ahead of you. Please, please do not fall pregnant by a man like this. You'd be setting yourself up for utter misery. He will not change -even if he may stop for a while, if you give him an ultimatum. Party animals very rarely make good parents and partners.