It’s always something!!

[Chesspeece]

Im 34, DP is 39, we have known each other since teenagers, been together 3 years, lived together for 1 year. I have teen DD he has 6yr old DD 2 nights a week. On the whole blended family going well.

Since we first got together he has always had an issue, issues sleeping, issues eating, issues with his ex, issues with his family, then his BIL, then work, then money, then his DD. It is literally always something. Some of these issues have been considerable and we have discussed them as a couple but as time has gone on I’m just getting a bit bored of the constant issues/drama.

For example: he doesn’t get on with his BIL but continues to seek a relationship with him for his sisters sake and then is pissed off/upset when it goes to shit!

The added thing is when he is having an issue it’s all consuming, he is miserable, down, flat, will drink a bit more (although Iv put my foot down on this and he has got better) and it just ruins the vibe of the relationship. All the nice things we have planned are then marred by his most recent upset.

For example: we look forward to having a dinner out etc, but an hour before he’ll get a text from his ex about DD and it will put him in a bad mood 🙄 it won’t even be anything I would even say is an issue

I feel like I have no room in the relationship for any of my issues (not that I have many tbh) because his are always worse. Iv started to just not tell him things tbh to avoid the added drama of him having an even worse day!

we do have good times but I think I might have the ick, but also worried I’m just a heartless cow?! advice?

advice?

Remove this man from your daughter’s home. You can choose to put up with it if you want, but she shouldn’t be forced.

Oh god I couldn't be doing with that. I had an ex like that - there was ALWAYS SOMETHING. Just sucks the life out of you dancing around trying to make them happy- never again!

Your relationship seems very one sided.
All about him.
It does sound as though he is using you as his support human.
If you are getting fed up of it now - quite rightly imo - it will only get worse.
Have you tried talking to him about how his constant talking about his problems is affecting you and your feelings for him?

It sounds a miserable existence and isn’t about reality but about his relentlessly negative and catastrophic attitude. No wonder you’re sick of it.

I'm not interested.
On repeat.
He'll call you unsupportive but tough.

It’s true! I used to try to book things or try to do things to make him happy and at best it will work for a little while but it doesn’t make any difference long term. Iv given up doing all that the last few weeks and it’s no different

Sounds familiar. He doesn't smoke weed by any chance?

i have in a gentle way and more recently we were just sitting down to a child free evening and he started with the

Him: deep sigh
Me: out of sight eye rolling so hard I nearly went blind
Him: even deeper sigh

long period of silence

Him: just so hard for me
Me: right, why, what’s happened now?
Him: I’m just always in the middle of everything - looking at his open WhatsApp
Me: just close that down and forget whatever it is for now and let’s have a nice few hours, what shall we order for food?
Him: I’m not hungry now, I can’t eat with all this going on

Me: ok. We’ll wait a bit then.

long silence

Him: it’s lucky for you, you don’t have all of this going on, you can relax.

Me: no I’m not lucky, I have my own issues that you will have no idea about because it’s always something with you and on top of that I am party to all of your nonsense as well

Him: so I can’t even talk about my feelings anymore? Great that makes me feel even worse

Me: wonderful

It sounds exhausting! It sounds like he hasn’t learned how to deal with life’s bumps and irritations. Everything, great or small, is met with a hyperbolic reaction. Have you been honest and straight with him? That his behaviour is exhausting and self centred.

he doesn’t, thankfully!

You just exist to support him OP

it’s only gonna get worse as he gets older !

dump. Or if he is a great shag, just use for sex.

When on dating sites people write...." not into dramas" then this is what they mean.

Some people just like & attract drama in their life. You dont have to stay with him if it's annoying you. You're not married so just split up. But then that will just be one more drama in his life for him to complain about.

Yeah it's exhausting, I'd be laying down some boundaries and telling him if he can't snap out of it so you have a nice time when together then you aren't interested.
Your example above, you need to not wait for him to feel better, or try to cheer him up. This is all on him. If he can't pick himself up and doesn't feel like he needs to make an effort to demonstrate that he's happy to be with you then he's just not worth the effort I'm sorry to say. It'll just pull you down and you'll start to be annoyed by the very sight of him.
Also if you are hungry, eat, don't wait for him to snap out of his mood, you'll be waiting forever. Its an example of you negating your need because of him, don't do that. You are the most important person, treat yourself right, be your own best friend.

‘Your issues have exceeded my ability to cope with them. You need to access proper counselling services and medication for your rumination and depression.’

’Oh, so I can’t even talk about my feelings now.’

’Yes, you can, but so can I. Your constant complaining and pessimism is affecting my mental health and I need you to seek support for your problems elsewhere.’

Or you can just bin him off - he’s not going to change.

Too much effort, OP, to deal with this in your life.
Too much and unnecessary.

I'd have to tell him that if he can't support you with your problems then you don't want to constantly hear about his, and that if he doesn't change he'll need to move out.

I couldn't be with someone like that.

I think you are a saint to have put up with this for so long. I would go with the ick and bring this one to an end.

You could be doing so much more with your life at 34, and giving your child a peaceful, happy home, than dating some pathetic sad sack.
Forget this boyfriend and enjoy life.

Seems like drama is a big part of who he is. Life would be boring for him if he didn't have it.
Hes gotten used to you behaving in a certain way to make him feel better, booking things to cheer him up, listening to him. He would make the most patient person develop compassion fatigue quickly so don't feel bad for hitting you limit. I would have got annoyed with him a long time a go.

Compassion fatigue is a thing!! Christ it’s boring.

I honestly feel this! I have a good job and great relationship with my teen, we do a lot together but even she says ‘why is he miserable today?’ It’s a running joke between us tbh

Op, I'll be blunt. You need to fully wake-up and call it a fucking day.

People like your husband, male and female, are only happy when they are miserable, and they insist on making everyone around them miserable, too. They are committed joy destroyers. Everything is hard, everything is a drama, everyone is out to get them, and the list goes on and on and on. They are very narcissistic, and use misery to get all the attention focused on them. Get this right, what you see is what you get. Your partner will always be like this. What you have now will be your life, and worse, until you dump him.

Please don't subject your child to this horrendous environment, and you, too deserves much, much better. He will turn you into a shell of yourself if you allow him to.

I have a good job and great relationship with my teen, we do a lot together but even she says ‘why is he miserable today?’ It’s a running joke between us tbh

It's already massively affecting your daughter. You're only 34, FFS. You are so, so young. Please don't waste another second on this man.

I think you should live apart as he is draining you dry. Continue to date if you must but I think you need a place of your own to escape to and recharge.

I'm wondering if he is the type of person other people call emotional vampires 🤔

He's what my nephew would call a fun sponge.

He's literally an emotional drain.

If you stick around he will suck the enjoyment out of every occasion, every holiday, every weekend, every minute of every day.

Don't do it to yourself or your child.