Do I just let it go

[Imeanwhat]

So a guy I know asked to go for a night sea swim. We've done it a few times in the past but I backed out as it felt too much of a sort of boyfriend girlfriend thing to do and I think he has a girlfriend (he is not straight about it).

Two weeks ago he asked, I said no then later followed up with please come, theres a meteor show etc etc.

I arrived and he'd organised a fire with loads of logs and gone to lots of trouble. We sat there for hours, caught up, had a quick swim and after a few hours kissed me. We left in silence and we since haven't been in touch.

Half of me just wants to never see or hear from him again ever and then another part of me wants to say how messed up it is to continue to get in touch, make a fancy romantic scene, kiss me and then totally ignore me, not even acknowledge that he shouldn't have kissed me. I want to call him out on being spineless. Probably as I feel like a hypocrite as I walked myself right into it and more than anything angry with myself.

🤣🤣🤣

Yes it is, what would you do. Continue to ghost and not give him the pleasure of drama or point out what a selfish d,CK his is?

Nope

OK soooo...

You don't know if he has a girlfriend - he is cagey about it - that's not good on either sides, yours or his, for going along and the kissing..

Then the fact that he has kissed you and created sexual tension - and now you are left hanging.

Neither of these things are good basically are they. No wonder you feel left hanging and all a bit overboard - something was started but immediately it is shady - he might not be single, he kissed you and didn't blow up your phone the next day to see you again.

So before I go - the man you want, is this his standard of behaviour? Is this the best you can conceive of from a man? He needs to be single, if shagging around being single, he needs to meet you and then end all others - he needs to kiss you and then ring you first thing the next morning arranging to see you again.

This, what you have described, is not good enough xxx

Don't text him. It will draw him in. He hasn't shown that he is emotionally safe to draw in. You can draw hm in, start the back and forth texting, but he kissed you and then went away and he might have kissed you while still seeing someone else.

Find better xxx

It sounds like a nice evening; it's certainly something I'd enjoy. I'd just chalk it up as a nice night and move on.

Give him clay feet. At best, he's someone with fuzzy boundaries. Hang onto that. DO NOT text.

Heal yourself! Find a project and get absorbed in it. Try to move away from it. Hard, I know.

Thing is he has been chasing me for months consistently and remains ambiguous which I've called out. I have said no and goodbye so many times and then he pulls this big gesture or stunt and I go along thinking it's a swim relax and then wait for me to message him - wtf.

I know staying quiet is the stronger thing, but I am fuming that he feels he can be so rude to me and I have to passively let him off.

It was a gorgeous evening!!

It sounds really lovely. Could it be a lesson in appreciating moments. He sounds flakey OP and a waste of space - block and move on.

Boil his bunny

How pray tell?

I don’t understand your post at all. Do you want to be in a relationship with him? Do you feel attracted to him? Why are you annoyed about the evening? I just don’t get it. Why can’t you ask him if he has a
girlfriend and what his expectations are? You don’t even know if he is in a relationship! Why can’t you ask him these questions and why are you waiting for him to contact you? Can’t you contact him?

He keeps drawing you in, and creating confusion. Think of the beautiful peace & clarity you will get when you let go.

Fair questions. I don't want to be the vulnerable party. I love his company but there is a shadiness and then again all this attention and thoughtfulness. I mean why would a guy bother. Why if he had a girlfriend wouldn't he bring her to the beach and do all that. Perhaps it's a relationship that's on the rocks I don't know and I'm so back up or scaffolding.

Crap not to even acknowledge it.

Very true thank you.

I don't get what you're asking. You went on a date (it was a date, don't bother to be wide eyed about it, we've all been around the block, you kissed) knowing or strongly suspecting he was otherwise engaged. You didn't clarify his status or intentions beforehand. Why aren't you examining why YOU went along with this?

Sounds to romantic to me to be true in my world.😆
Are you sure it happened and not what you want to happen.
First comment nailed it.

So yes - like I said furious with myself I went along with it. We've done things as friends in the past and when it started to become apparent the vibe wasn't just friends I backed away as he wasn't being fully open. Part of me thought as you're just over reacting it's only a swim so gave it. Wasn't aware the whole scene setting was going to happen so that was a surprise, kiss happened towards the end.

No I this is not my wild imagination. It happened. I know he probably thought I'd text something along the lines of what ive said in the past that is going for friendly swims is inappropriate but didn't bother this time. I just feel a bit disappointed he didn't write something along the lines of Sorry I shouldn't have kissed you.

I feel like he set me up for a fall and I walked right into it. Yep angry with me, but angry with him too.

The whole set up was dreamy, never had an evening like it - suppose that's the part of me wishing he wasn't shady and that you could think about a relationship.

The more i read the more im laughing at this.😆😆

Question I was initially asking was would you call him out or just continue to stay silent.

Block him.
It will stop you from contacting him. And he won’t have the opportunity to contact you ever again.

I mean, even forgetting about the fact he might have a gf, he spent a lot of effort to wow you and then…. ghosted you? He isn’t someone you want to have as a friend, let alone as a bf.