OnlyFans- am I dumb!

[Atari5000]

I know the answer to this but just for some clarity when we have the conversation later….

I found messages this morning to other women on Only Fans on my partners phone. It was next to me on charge whilst I was feeding our daughter breakfast when a notification flashed up from a girl on OF. I opened it up and had a look through, he’s had the account since the beginning of the year so it seems but when I said about it he said it was for research purposes ‘I was seeing if the messages were automated or if people are actually sat there’
Whilst I am asleep 6 months pregnant in bed he has been ‘researching’. Baring in mind he has subscribed to some pages, some free and some paid. He will sit up until stupid o clock on his phone so now I think he has probably been deleting messages each day with different girls!
We have had a very tricky year or so, but I thought we were trying to work our way through problems etc.
Anyway what would your response be to it being ‘research’?

You can’t divorce a man you’re not married to and OP says “partner” instead of “husband” so I’m guessing they’re not married and she’s potentially in a vulnerable position.

She’s about to have two young children with him while he’s spending his time and buying trawling through porn.

Whats your housing situation, OP? Can you kick him out?

My niece told me recently that her partner is doing this for several accounts and they both find it hilarious that those messaging believe he’s a woman. He’s not even that young - early 30’s.

@Sandunesandseashells Nothing more pathetic than a seedy man 😂
It's like the ashley madison scandal where it was revealed most of the "married women" on there (they claimed it was half men and half women members joining) were bots or staff members..

All those dirty thirsty men paying money to chat to other men or bots! 😂 thinking these young gorgeous women were salivating over them.

Hey, no we’re not married but have been together 7 years. Our daughter is 18 months and I’m due in November.
Housing situation isn’t an issue although we live together he has a flat that comes with his job and we have a house to stay in

He's an absolute waste of air.

What a ridiculous excuse! He really thinks you're stupid.

You should turn it round in dead seriousness and say. Oh, that's a great idea for you to join only fans. I guess you'd probably be best off aiming for the gay market. Or could you do a weird niche fetish thing? I bet you'd make loads of money...'

Hrs an absolute eejit to try and pull that kind of excuse so just total unbridalled ridicule is probably the best way forward. That and possibly dumping him.

I would feel betrayed and would definitely want to have some time apart to think about how to leave him. It's disrespectful and disloyal and I wouldn't want a partner who did that, personally. Would make me feel insecure and I don't deserve that - neither do you

Anyway what would your response be to it being ‘research’?

And your PhD is in what?

It's cheating in lament terms OP. Talking to other women and paying for a membership.

They most likely were talking to actual women, most women don’t make
enough money on there to outsource

Oh right yeah 🙄and what was it that made him pick only fans instead of learning from actual podcasts or checking out their patreons which is a common platform for monetizing podcasts? 🤔🤔

Sometimes words truly fail me. I’m sorry that you’re going through this OP.

What do you feel your next steps should be @Atari5000 ?

@Doodleflips True, and both equally unforgivable for me

I don't understand his answer. Unless he is a journalist, has a podcast about sex work, is considering being an OnlyFans model himself, or works in marketing and is completely oblivious to how this might break a boundary I'm really not sure what the point of this "research" is

Literally and being rinsed by women that think he's a stupid fucker.

“Research” 😂

I wouldn’t class it as cheating because he doesn’t know them and it’s purely just a sex chat thing presumably.

However it is hugely disrespectful and denotes a lack of commitment and respect to you as his partner, which is incredibly hurtful and destabilising.

Up to you whether you think he’s just made a silly decision you can get past or not, and whether he’s willing to try and do the work.

“I was seeing if the messages were automated or if people are actually sat there”.

Baring in mind he has subscribed to some pages, some free and some paid. He will sit up until stupid o clock on his

“Trying to find a way of monetising a podcast. I have also been wondering about the whole platform to see what the crack was, I guess you can broadcast but not have an automated chat”

I’m sorry but I don’t think you need to engage by sending messages to women on OF for 8 months + subscribe to other platforms including paying, and stay on your phone until late into the night to find out if messages are automated or how a platform works.

Really disappointing (at the very least) that he has (a) been doing this and (b) lied by giving this nonsense so as to continue doing it.

I’m sorry to hear you guys have been having problems but if he won’t engage honestly about why he’s doing this/where the relationship is, it’s very hard for you to even consider trying to make it work. I’m glad that logistically the living situation can be sorted but am sorry you are having to go through this. Everyone is different I guess, but I’d find it hard to move on from something this. I think I would have lost a lot of respect and trust in the other person. I hope you can find a way forward that works for you x

I'd be as annoyed at the fact that he clearly thinks you're stupid enough to believe this, as I would be about the OF activity.
It's bollocks, but of course you know that.
Are you ok?

I'd be a bit tempted to pretend to believe him, see what else he tries to get away with. Let him think you're stupid OP, then he wont put in much work to cover his tracks and you'll be able to read him like a book.

said it was for research purposes

How insulting that he thinks you'd believe that?

Tell him you're joining Only Fans yourself. For research purposes only.

Show him some risque lingerie online, and ask him for his opinion on which ones are the hottest; you'll need to know for research purposes, for when you start your account.

I think you need to do your own research; firstly a solicitor to handle your divorce, secondly how much money you need and where you'd get it from. Because after that's I'd be leaving. I don't mean this to be harsh, because you're obviously in a bad place - but why on earth did you believe the "research" line, it's obviously utter bollox.