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Original poster

Would this bother you?

30 replies

DailyDoList · 22/08/2024 19:30

If your dh/dp went to the gym every evening?

Dp has started going to the gym every evening from around 7-8:45pm. He doesn't tend to go at the weekends but every weekday.

This is the time I get dc ready for bed and clean up after dinner. So he basically comes home to dc in bed and the house clean and tidy.

I never go out in the evenings, just never had any plans and quite happy to stay at home anyway.

Would this bother you though?

OP posts:
caramac04 · 22/08/2024 19:32

He’s a bit of a cf imo. Great to take care of himself, not great to leave you with everything to do.

Fiery30 · 22/08/2024 19:34

Can he come back and clean, so he is still helping out with the chores?

Aquamarine1029 · 22/08/2024 19:36

This is a new routine? Interesting.

I wouldn't stand for it, and he's totally taking the piss. He doesn't have the luxury to just unilaterally opt out of parenting duties because he's found something more fun to do.

Cheesandcrackers · 22/08/2024 19:37

He must have some energy to log 5 back to back 1.5 Hr gym sessions. Bet you ll find him in the sauna. This is the most obvious avoidance tactic ever.

Original poster
DailyDoList · 22/08/2024 19:38

He's always gone to the gym but past few months it's been more frequent and in the evening.
I wouldn't leave the chores for him as it would just mean i couldn't relax til later. I can't relax knowing things need doing.

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 22/08/2024 19:38

Of course it would bloody bother me! He’s opting out of family life and his share of the chores.

Don’t be a doormat, and tell him to knock it off, or you alternate nights off.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 22/08/2024 19:39

I would suggest he waits until after child's bedtime/clearing up to go to the gym. Alternatively you do bath/bed and he can sort the cleaning when he gets back.

Original poster
DailyDoList · 22/08/2024 19:39

Cheesandcrackers · 22/08/2024 19:37

He must have some energy to log 5 back to back 1.5 Hr gym sessions. Bet you ll find him in the sauna. This is the most obvious avoidance tactic ever.

Oh yes, sorry he's not just in the gym. It could include gym, swim or sauna rooms.

OP posts:
Augustisnearlydonesogoodbyesun · 22/08/2024 19:39

Him gym =long bath and clear up together when he gets back. Sorting dc every night would suit me but what sort of relationship does he see himself having with a dc he barely sees?

theduchessofspork · 22/08/2024 19:39

DailyDoList · 22/08/2024 19:38

He's always gone to the gym but past few months it's been more frequent and in the evening.
I wouldn't leave the chores for him as it would just mean i couldn't relax til later. I can't relax knowing things need doing.

Things always need doing. 🤷‍♀️

I do think he’s really got your number OP.

Hillrunning · 22/08/2024 19:40

He would rather be in a gym than put his kids to bed every week night? That's really sad.

mindutopia · 22/08/2024 19:40

Yes, wouldn’t we all like to opt out of doing the kids bedtime and tidying up. Gym time needs to come out of sleep or leisure time. Getting up early or less time with friends more than it does family time. Why don’t you start going for a walk every night at the same time and he can do the kids and tidying and see how that goes down?

Mmhmmn · 22/08/2024 19:43

it bothers you and that’s reason enough to tell him

Mrsttcno1 · 22/08/2024 19:44

Going to the gym everyday wouldn’t bother me, but the time he goes at would bother me. My husband goes to the gym every weekday (he loves it and it is really good for his mental healthy so totally supportive of that), but we have a child and a dog and a house to run, plus our relationship, so he goes to the gym at 5am. He’s perfectly happy with this, he gets his training time but is home for morning routine & walk etc and then back promptly after work to spend time together, have dinner, do any tidying etc.

tuttuttutt · 22/08/2024 19:45

Yes it's bloody cheeky. My dh does stuff like that after bedtime. How convenient it's right at that time

tuttuttutt · 22/08/2024 19:46

Or he could go in the morning

nonmerci99 · 22/08/2024 19:48

This would be an absolute no for me. You have the patience of a saint!

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 22/08/2024 19:52

Yes it would, DH started to get a bit like this but albeit after ds was in bed, after a few weeks. I just said to him when do I get a chance to do things in the evenings and when do we get chance to spend any time together without DS?
He looked a bit surprised and then apologised said he hadn't thought, and now goes one evening (works late one evening) and two early mornings one is on my nwd so in term time I have to get ds to school but then I go to the gym and in the holidays there's no rush anyway and the other is at 7:30 on a Sunday morning so he comes back about 8:45 and we all have breakfast together. Sometimes I won't have one of my classes or he'll say I fancy going for a swim and that's fine with me, he also goes on his nwd after DS is at school in term time while I'm at work, then he comes back and blitzes the housework so I definitely don't complain about that one!

pecanpie101 · 23/08/2024 13:33

I wouldn't be happy if my husband did this but it wouldn't happen as he enjoys seeing his children and putting them to bed.

I think you need to discuss this with him and maybe agree that 2/3 times a week would work better for you and the kids.
Maybe doing a shorter session at home might work? A run instead of the gym?

outdamnedspots · 23/08/2024 15:55

Aquamarine1029 · 22/08/2024 19:36

This is a new routine? Interesting.

I wouldn't stand for it, and he's totally taking the piss. He doesn't have the luxury to just unilaterally opt out of parenting duties because he's found something more fun to do.

This.

He should be doing his share of parenting. Tell him so!

And you might want to change your routine of never going out in the evenings. Start. You might feel better for the break.

WhatFlavourIsIt · 23/08/2024 15:57

Does it bother you?

ShouldIEvenBother · 23/08/2024 18:13

Maybe I'm too cynical, but my first thoughts are either he has his eye on someone in the gym (if this is where he really is - I did say I am cynical!), hence the sudden uptick in 'gym' visits, or he's deliberately opting out of childcare and opting out of keeping a home clean and tidy. I mean, he MUST know that there are no such things as cleaning fairies, and that it is you doing all the childcare?

Olika · 23/08/2024 18:16

Would it bother me that 5 nights a week he gets to do gym,swim,sauna,whatever when I do all bedtime routines and clean the house? YES. It's the timing that is the problem. Sounds like he goes to the gym to avoid having to do parenting/sharing workload.

FlannelShirt · 23/08/2024 18:17

I suggest you find something you enjoy doing in the evenings, and you take it in turns. On whoever’s night it is to be home, they do everything needed.

See how he feels about that. If he puts up a fuss, then he’s a selfish piece of work, with no defence whatsoever.

Even if you don’t have anything you want to do, just do something to show him what it’s like to be you every time he swans off to the gym.

whatsappdoc · 23/08/2024 18:23

It's obvious he has a low opinion of women and their 'work'. Can't believe he even had the nerve to start this routine. Time to sit down and talk to him like he's a child and explain partnerships, parenting and respect.